The Art of Subjugation
by Leyvaten-Wench
Summary: Sue Sylvester finds herself in need of assistance. And who better to ask for aid than one of her few relatives, that's not an obsessive Nazi hunter or a complete waste of oxygen? Here comes Harry. Non-Magic AU Warning, possible slash and violence.
1. Welcome to Sueville

**AN/ Hello all, in order to celebrate my return from a brief break from writing, i've decided to try out a new fandom. This is just a short chapter in order to see how people like it, any future chapters will be longer and more detailed.**

**My sudden decision to write this story was inspired through a conversation with Loki Firefox, and I strongly recommend checking out their story 'Something New' which so far is an excellent read. I also want recommendations for fics to read from this fandom, as I haven't had much of a chance to do so yet.**

**My other works will still be continued.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own glee or Harry Potter. Although even if I did, i'd probably still write some fanfiction about them.**

What cannot be outright destroyed must be dominated, preferably through the use of cunning and manipulation. This was something that one Sue Sylvester had learned whilst fighting for the Viet Cong. Well, that and how to create a successful pit trap using only a spork, some sharpened shin bones and a bottle of listerine. Never underestimate the use of dental supplies when practising the deadly arts.

Recently, in yet another change of her somewhat mercurial moods, Sue had decided to vent her building frustrations by destroying the glee club. Again. However, whilst contemplating whether the amount of olive oil coating William Shuester's head could cause a national shortage, she had been struck once again with malevolent inspiration.

Her previous attempts at annihilating that band of misbegotten sideshow freaks, had all ended in vomit inducing failure. So perhaps it was time to consider the problem from a different angle. After all, why crush what you can conquer?

It had reached her supernaturally acute ears, that Porcelain 'Lady face' Hummel had just transferred to homosexual Hogwarts. And unless that was a euphemism for something, she chose to assume it meant that he'd abandoned the halls of the hormone addled cesspit which was McKinley high, for gayer pastures. This presented her with a golden opportunity, which she planned to seize and abuse for her own sinister machinations.

With their sectionals performance date fast approaching, Shuester's assortment of jabbering mental patients were one member short of a crazy house. This left them ineligible to compete. Which, whilst being fairly titillating, went completely against her plans.

In the past, she had attempted to stop grease head and his band of oddly proportioned men, by getting the club shut down or disqualified. But in order to subvert control of the glee club for her own uses, she would need an operative. Someone talented, attractive and manipulative enough, to join that collective train wreck and take control of them from the inside. She would have considered Jugzilla Lopez as an option, but she suspected that the girl was too loyal to the enemy's cause to be trusted with this, not to mention her mammoth sized melons would no doubt hinder any progress.

Fortunately she knew just the person to undermine William, and knock Gigantor and his hobbit bride off of their top spots as glee clubs golden couple. And she had no doubts, that they'd easily manage to charm the other losers into doing their bidding. It was time to put a viper in that hen house, then sit back and watch the venom laced carnage.

Her new mission had brought the illustrious Ms Sylvester to the local airport, where she planned to collect her new agent from his transatlantic flight and take him for an emergency briefing. And so she was stood, with the Cheerio she was using as a chauffeur, in this germ infested hell hole. Sue Sylvester detested waiting for anything, that didn't end in a time triggered explosion, so it was fortunate for the surrounding populace that she caught sight of her quarry almost immediately. A flash of messy dark hair, had her quickly navigating the crowd and closing in on her target.

As she came up behind the young man she was seeking, Sue paused to eavesdrop on the conversation he was having with a number of security personnel. Hearing her favourite cousin's only child verbally destroying authority figures, never failed to amuse her.

* * *

''So...your passport says that your name is Harry James Potter, is that correct?''

''A security guard that can decipher the written word? Will wonders never cease?'' Harry drawled.

''Don't get smart with me kid!'' The security guard in question growled.

Harry sighed gustily. As if it wasn't enough that he'd suffered through a long and tedious flight, he now had to endure the ignoramuses that inhabited the ass crack of Ohio. Or was that ignorami? He was reasonably certain that both were acceptable word choices for the plural of ignoramus. Note to self, consult google immediately.

As Harry disembarked from the aircraft, he'd immediately been set upon by Dumb and Dumber. Which was what he'd named the charming gentlemen that had dared to waylay him. Though what he'd done to warrant them detaining him, he wasn't entirely sure. He should of known that anything his aunt Sue would ask of him, was going to involve shenanigans.

''Rest assured sir, you'd know if I was being smart with you, as your head would no doubt spontaneously combust due to your lack of comprehension.'' Harry mocked. At least he could vent his annoyance on them.

To his credit, the large man questioning him actually looked like he understood that sentence. Although his younger partner seemed to be somewhat lacking in the brains department, luckily for him he was pretty.

''Um...huh?'' Dumber questioned, blinking cluelessly.

''Enough! Stop back chatting us and confusing my partner.'' Dumb snapped in irritation. ''Now, Virgin Airways has lodged several complaints from employees, that have reported you for misconduct during your flight. These instances include the bullying and harassment of a child-''

''He was morbidly obese and wouldn't stop whining! And I was only kicking the back of his seat for around forty five minutes before I got tired, so in my opinion he got off easy.'' Harry interjected.

''You physically assaulted a seventy four year old woman.'' The man continued, completely ignoring Harry's interruption.

''I was performing a citizens arrest! She was smuggling an illegal nail file onto the plane, so excuse me for helping to combat terrorists.'' He protested adamantly.

''You then verbally abused an airline attendant, reducing her to hysterics and attempted suicide with a plastic eating utensil.'' The officer finished.

''That was hardly my fault. If she didn't want to be spoken to like a dirty whore, then she shouldn't look and smell like one.'' Harry sneered, casually dismissing the allegations.

The officer bristled in anger, at the attitude the teenager was displaying. Eyeing the boys clothing, he quickly deduced that the kid was well off. He was a very good looking lad. By appearances he could of just stepped out of an Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue, or something of the sort. Clearly he was one of those arrogant little shits that believed that because they were intelligent, wealthy and good looking, that they could treat people however they pleased. Well this brat was in for a rude awakening!

''Can we please just hurry this up? I need to get someone that works for the airport to sign my form, and my aunt is waiting for me.'' Harry complained.

''What form?'' Dumb queried curiously. The boy blinked, looking at him in sudden realisation.

''Oh yeah, you work for the airport! That'll save me some time. I have this form that I need to get signed, which my psychiatrist needs to prove that I arrived when the airline said I would.'' He quickly explained.

The kid was seeing a shrink? Well that was unsurprising, given what he'd been accused of doing. The teen then swiftly reached into his carry on bag and whipped out a piece of paper, that he promptly shoved into the officers face.

''Just print your name and signature at the bottom. Then I promise to calmly explain the allegations against me.'' Harry vowed.

Dumb eyed him dubiously, unsure whether or not the boy was being sincere, but he signed the paper none the less. If it was for the kids shrink and he didn't sign it, then it might create issues with helping the airline press any charges against the boy. As soon as the page was signed, the teenager snatched it from his hands with a beaming smile.

''Well, thank you for your time officer, but I really must be going. It was a pleasure meeting you.'' Harry thanked him, as he turned to walk away. Officer Dumber quickly reached out to stop him, by grabbing a hold of his arm.

''Not so fast, we aren't done with you yet.'' He informed him sternly. Harry eyed him with disdain and smacked his hand away.

''Of course you are. After all, you just signed me your power of attorney, which will make it even easier to screw you over if I choose to sue you and this airport for sexual harassment.'' He informed them.

Dumb and Dumber gaped at him stupidly, living up to their new nicknames.

''Power of attorney?'' Officer Dumb repeated, eyeing the signed paper that the boy was now slipping back into his bag.

''Yep! Which when added to the fact that you touched me inappropriately, makes it a pretty simple case of me having you by the balls.'' Harry told him.

''What inappropriate touching?'' He demanded.

In lieu of a verbal response, Harry grabbed the man by the hand and quickly placed the appendage against his backside. The security guard was so stunned at having his hand shamelessly pressed against the boy's ass, that he took a few moments before yanking it away. Which was more than enough time for a certain eavesdropper to take a picture on her phone.

''Outstanding.'' Sue enthused, butting her way into the conversation. The officers turned at the interruption, before staring at her in surprise and recognition.

''Hey, your that woman off of the T.V!'' Dumber exclaimed.

''I certainly am. And as you can no doubt tell, that urban legend about the camera adding ten pounds is just a vile lie to make fatties feel better about themselves.'' She sneered at him. ''And now, if you gentlemen don't mind, I'll be taking my cousin and pretending that I don't have photographic evidence of your little molestation attempt.''

''What?'' Dumb squawked in complete outrage.

''That's...that's insane! We didn't even do anything!'' Dumber feebly protested.

''Irrelevant.'' Harry snapped, waving a hand dismissively. ''After all, who's a judge going to believe? You two? Or this?'' Harry's face abruptly fell, his bottom lip quivering and tears filling his eyes.

''They t-touched me in m-my special area!'' The teen wailed in distress, attracting the concerned stares of passersby who looked at them all curiously. The officers eyes widened in mortification.

''Okay, we get it! Now please stop doing that.'' Officer Dumb pleaded desperately. At his order Harry immediately ceased his hysterical sobbing, and unceremoniously shoved his bags into the two men's arms.

''Good to see that we understand one another.'' Harry chirped happily. ''Now carry these bags to our car, if anyone happens to obstruct our passage I give you permission to taser them in the groin.'' He ordered imperiously.

Seeing that they had little choice in the matter, the two security guards merely exchanged a worried glance before following after the boy, who was storming his way towards the exit. Sue brought up the rear with a maniacal grin lighting up her face, which had people swiftly scurrying out of her path. The lone Cheerio that was her coach's acting chauffeur, trailed behind them with a look of abject horror. General Sylvester had relatives? And apparently whatever malignant forces fuelled her, were a genetic trait. Her cousin, nephew? Whatever that smoking hot guy was, he definitely had Coach Sylvester's...uniqueness. Whatever her reason for having the boy brought here was, it definitely wouldn't end well for the students of William McKinley High School.

* * *

Once Harry's new minions had loaded his luggage into the trunk of the car, Sue had her Cheerio shaped slave immediately drive them to Harry's new place of residence. When Sue had made the call to her cousin/pseudo nephew, they had both agreed that it would be more efficient for Harry to purchase his own apartment. If he was to successfully infiltrate the glee club then he couldn't be connected too closely with her, lest that gum haired pansy Will Shuester become suspicious.

''So you want me to join a show choir and manipulate them into making me their captain, so that you can use me as a medium to control them?'' Harry wondered sceptically.

''Precisely scar head.'' Sue confirmed.

To most people, moving across an ocean on the whims of a mad woman without a reasonable explanation, would be out of the question. Harry however had known his mother's cousin since he was six years old, when she and his aunt Jean had come to the Dursley's for Christmas. Up until that point in his life, Harry had been treated with neglect and verbal abuse. Suffice to say, that Sue had been extremely displeased by their treatment of Harry, and had made sure to impress upon them exactly how they should correct their behaviour. From the moment Harry had seen the tracksuit clad woman lift Vernon Dursley by the throat with one hand, he knew he'd found the perfect role model.

Because of aunt Sue, as she'd allowed Harry to call her, the Dursley's had been far more tolerant of his presence among them. They hadn't been friendly by any stretch of the imagination, but they had at least become civil. Harry often suspected that it was his fondness for his aunt Jean that lead to Sue Sylvester's tolerance of his existence, despite her dislike of children.

When Harry had turned eleven, he had started at Hogwarts Academy for the gifted, the prestigious school that his parents had attended. Members of his father's family, had been educated there for generations. It was also at this time that Harry had gained access to his rather sizeable trust fund, which had drastically improved his lifestyle.

Upon arriving at Hogwarts, Harry had been sorted into the house of Gryffindor. Which was surprising given that he believed himself far more suited to Slytherin, but he hadn't really cared all that much. He excelled in most of his classes, but found himself drawn to the performing arts and extracurricular self defence programs. In these areas he shone, receiving constant praise for his talents. He'd won numerous awards and commendations for his singing and dancing, with even more in gymnastics and martial arts. He was a favourite for competition in the Olympics next year, which he fully intended to qualify for. Nothing less than an Olympic gold medal in his sports of choice would satisfy him.

Since starting at Hogwarts, Harry had taken to spending his summers with aunt Sue and Jean, in various strange and fascinating locations. Last year they'd visited a Mayan temple, because Sue had it on good authority that it contained an artefact of unspeakable power. Needless to say the trip was a bust, but the historical aspect had been interesting.

''I think I'll have you join the Cheerios as well. You can help me whip those lopsided Jezebels into shape.'' Sue abruptly decided. Harry chose not to point out that doing so would be counterproductive to disassociating himself with her. With how quickly she changed her mind about things, it was often best to just go with the flow.

''Cheerleading? You do realise that i'm hoping to compete against the worlds finest gymnasts next year?'' Harry asked her. She nodded.

''Just tell the Olympic committee, that it was an act of charity towards those of lesser athletic ability.'' Sue ordered.

It'd be just like the time he'd informed the girls lacrosse team, that he'd previously assumed they had two _male_ lacrosse teams. They all started dressing far more femininely after that. He was always willing to offer advice to beings of lesser calibre than himself.

''Very well, but at least wait until after I've joined the gay club.'' Harry reluctantly agreed.

''Glee club.'' Sue corrected absently, although it didn't sound as if she particularly cared.

''Whatever.'' Harry shrugged it off. He was too busy imagining peoples reactions to him wearing a cheerleading outfit. He wasn't sure whether Hermione would praise him for doing a sport that was considered a predominantly female pastime, or scold him for joining a group of vapid airheads that made women look bad. With her it really could go either way.

Thinking of his best friend, had him making a mental note to contact her soon. One never knew when he might need a genius computer programmer to illegally hack something for him. One good thing about attending Hogwarts was rubbing shoulders with the best and brightest, the school boasted some world famous former alumni that made excellent contacts. There were also some rising stars, who had attended school with him, that were on the fast track to success. Hermione Granger was one of them. The bushy haired, frighteningly intelligent girl, had been his best friend since he was eleven, when he'd rescued her from an older student that was acting improperly towards her. The student in question was currently inhabiting a mental institution in Poland.

''So where should I start? I was thinking of endearing myself to some of the individual members of the club, before officially seeking to join. If possible I'd rather that they ask me to join them of their own volition. Perhaps I could stage an impromptu performance?'' He theorized.

''Do whatever you feel necessary, just try not to screw up.'' Sue warned him. ''I have a reputation of terror and dominance to maintain.''

Harry paused, suddenly remembering something that she'd told him.

''Didn't you say that members of the club are victims of bullying?'' He questioned. Sue nodded sharply, which meant that only _some_ of the bullying was done by her.

''Yep, one of my former Cheerios just transferred because of it.'' She claimed, sounding vaguely annoyed. For someone who loved to intimidate and victimise others, it would probably surprise people that Sue Sylvester hated bullies. The difference with her, was that she didn't discriminate. No one was safe from her wrath, because everyone was equally inferior and distasteful in her eyes.

''Can we go visit aunt Jean before you drop me off? I promised I'd go and see her as soon as I got here.'' Harry asked, already knowing what the answer would be.

''Sure thing green eyes.'' Sue agreed, before banging harshly on the glass that separated them from the front of the vehicle. ''Take us to white acres care home post haste, you mindless drone.'' She snapped, causing the girl driving the car to jump at the command.

''Yes Coach Sylvester!'' She swiftly complied. Harry eyed the girl curiously.

''Hmm, it looks like your squad members retain enough emotion to feel fear.'' He shrewdly observed.

''The spineless morons on the school board, pointed out that striking them with a bull whip was physical abuse.'' Sue explained disdainfully. She deeply regretted giving up her position as principal, she'd have to ponder some other way to gain power. Luckily with Harry handling things with the geek club, she had plenty of time to devote to other projects.

Harry spent the remainder of the journey, Facebook stalking various students that attended William McKinley High. He found a treasure trove of information, that would prove extremely useful in bending people to his will. One student had been kind enough to post a number of videos, featuring interviews with numerous classmates, including the glee club. They were very enlightening, although they were also bordering on several harassment laws. Harry made a note to blackmail Jacob Ben Israel and hire someone to sheer off his hideous jewfro, as the boy could prove to be a useful pawn.

After spending the afternoon with aunt Jean, watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Sue had dumped Harry at his new apartment with a demand that he maintain contact over a secure phone line. His aunt expected regular progress updates, but other than that she was going to leave him to his own devices. He would seize control of the glee club, and turn them into national champions in the process. After all if he had to join them, then he'd accept nothing less than absolute victory.

His new place of residence managed to meet his usual standards. The penthouse that he'd purchased was spacious, and already fully furnished. The furniture and décor were sufficiently modern and suited his tastes, so he didn't feel the need to do any unnecessary redecorating. The hardwood floors and mahogany tables, went nicely with the crème coloured upholstery on the sofas. It had all of the most important features, including a state of the art entertainment system and full sized pool table for when he chose to entertain company. The hot tub was a nice touch as well, which he intended to try out as soon as he'd unpacked. But the most vital thing was ofcourse the enormous water bed, that took up half of his master bedroom, and again was for when he chose to _entertain_ company.

As he later stood at the window, enjoying a glass of whiskey and looking out at his spectacular view of the town, Harry found himself actually looking forward to the following day. Let the mass brain warping begin.

**How was my first foray into a new fandom? Good? Bad? Please review and tell me your thoughts. I'd also like to hear pairing ideas both het and slash. I'm very fond of Puck, Blaine, Sam, Mike, Santana, Brittany and Tina.**


	2. Winged Avenger and The Legion of Doom

**AN/ Yet another chapter hath blossomed forth from the festering quagmire that is my brain! I really cannot wait to get these first few chapters out of the way, so that the entertaining stuff can happen. Thanks to you all for your reviews and opinions, I didn't expect so much feedback so I think i'll have to establish a poll. But I had the thought that the glee characters seem to change partners a lot, so even though Santana/Brittany is destined to happen I think there'll be some Harry/Santana before that. Hartana will be awesome. I also fully anticipate Harry/Mike bromance of epic proportions. But i'll definitely establish a poll for Harry's future beloved.**

* * *

Harry's reflexes were honed to a state of cat like readiness, which when combined with the fact that he was a notoriously light sleeper, meant that he woke up the instant he heard even the slightest noise. Having shared a dormitory with four other boys, he was used to being abruptly awakened by their feeble attempts at sneaking around. But having an air horn blasted in his ear was an entirely new experience.

Harry awoke with a yelp of shock, as the noise reverberated piercingly through his skull. He bolted upright into a sitting position, so fast that his head swam from the sudden movement. Fortunately any feelings of disorientation were quickly erased, by the bucket of ice water that was deposited on his head. He let loose a girlish shriek, as the freezing liquid drenched his bedding and soaked his otherwise naked body.

''Oh good, you're awake.'' Sue observed, still holding a bucket in one hand and horn in the other.

Harry sputtered in outrage, as shivers racked his form.

''You realise that an alarm clock is more traditional?'' He asked his aunt, through chattering teeth.

''Yes but this way i'm at no risk of being exposed to any morning erections, that your perverse gender is so well known for.'' Sue explained uncaringly.

''Then what was the air horn for?'' He demanded.

Sue looked at him as though he were being a very special kind of stupid. If he was then it was hardly his fault after that little awakening.

''I wasn't about to throw ice cold water on you while you were still asleep. What am I insensitive?''

Harry wisely chose not to answer that question, and instead elected to take revenge at a later date. Vengeance was a dish best served at glacial temperatures after all. Much like the water dripping off of him.

Following his aunt's method of making sure he was adjusted to the time difference between Ohio and London, it was decided that they would enjoy some scalding hot caffeine. Sue Sylvester enjoyed her enemas at boiling temperature and Harry was just a bit of a masochist.

They were currently awaiting the arrival of the third member of their elite task force, so that they could commence with preparations for the plan. Their associate was one of the foremost intellectual minds, in the field of quantum evil mechanics. Any assistance that they could provide Harry in his venture, would be invaluable. It was precisely seventeen minutes later, during which time Sue had taken to throwing his cutlery at a particularly bothersome fly, when the doorbell rang. Harry instantly perked up.

''I'm coming!'' He trilled, practically skipping towards his front door.

Grabbing the handle, he eagerly wrenched it open to face the person waiting on the other side. Standing on the threshold was a man. He cut an imposing figure of at least six foot seven, with hard bulging muscles. He was classically handsome, with short ashy blonde hair, a pair of bright blue eyes and a pearly white grin which would make lesser individuals dramatically swoon. All in all he was quite a treat for the eyes, but of absolutely no interest for Harry, who was far more focussed on the cage that the man was carrying.

''Hedwig! How was your flight? Did airport security give you any trouble?''

The courier had transported some strange things in his line of work, but when he'd been asked to escort a snowy owl to the middle of nowhere in Ohio, he'd thought it was one of the weirdest to date. However watching a teenage boy enthusiastically conversing with the bird, and actually getting hoots in the form of responses, was just plain creepy.

''Um, excuse me but could you sign for this? It's just that I have to be getting back for my next delivery...'' The man trailed off when the boy looked up at him, apparently registering his presence for the first time.

''Aww Hedwig, you brought me breakfast!'' He chirped excitedly.

Before the delivery man could process that disturbing statement, he was abruptly seized by the front of his shirt and dragged into the apartment. Seeing a woman randomly throwing cutlery with ninja like precision, whilst screaming insults at thin air, was almost as disturbing as the fact that a boy considerably smaller than him was able to manhandle him so easily.

''Aunt Sue, why don't you and Hedwig go and harass some pre-school children. I'll come and see you when i'm done.'' The teenager advised, before handing the owl's cage off to the crazy lady. The woman shot them both a distasteful look, prompting him to realise that he recognized her from T.V.

''You disgust me.'' She bluntly informed them, eyeing them with disdain. ''Try and delay the satisfaction of your depraved lusts, for when you don't have an appointment.''

Harry stared at her, his lack of comprehension clear on his face.

''So...your saying that I have to put it back where it came from?'' He asked her, sounding thoroughly disappointed. The nameless delivery slave apparently took exception to that remark and promptly demonstrated his indignation.

''Who are you calling an _it_? You people are crazy!'' He declared, prizing himself from Harry's clutches and running for the exit. He would later realize that he'd failed to get the package signed for, but at that moment saving himself from being molested and eaten seemed far more important.

''Hey, get back here!'' Harry demanded. As the man slammed the front door behind him, with the sound of his footsteps getting further away, the dark haired boy pouted. ''Great, now I have to go catch another one.''

Sue responded to the glare her nephew gave her by flipping him the bird.

''Feel free to choose something from my selection of cheerleading drones.'' She offered. Whilst she may know how to handle her cousin when he was irritated, the inbred masses of William McKinley would be lambs to the slaughter, so it was best to pacify him now.

Harry cocked his head in careful consideration of her proposal.

''Very well, I suppose if I can't have a hunky delivery guy then a cheerleading skank is an acceptable substitute.'' The teenager reluctantly agreed.

''Outstanding.'' Sue approved. ''Before we head over to that termite mound, which somehow passes for a school, we need to stop by my house. There's a woodpecker that's been mocking me, so I need Hedwig to give it a bird style beat down in the name of Sue Sylvester.''

The owl in question hooted and perked up in malicious excitement, clearly pleased at the prospect of bird on bird violence. And with that bizarre statement, the tracksuit clad woman set the animal on her shoulder and stormed out of the door. As they departed, the owl turned it's head a full one hundred and eighty degrees and fixed him with a spine chilling glare. Which clearly warned him that if he wasn't dressed and ready to go by the time they returned, that there would be consequences.

Harry had learned over the years that it was generally a bad idea to ignore the wishes of his feathered accomplice, and so he retreated to his room to find something suitable to wear for the day.

A half an hour later, when Sue and Hedwig finally chose to return to the apartment, they were reasonably sure that they had evaded their pursuers. But just in case, Sue elected to contact one of her previously established alibis in order to corroborate her story. One never knew when they could expect a police interrogation, and even if most of the towns law enforcement was under her sway it was still best to play it safe.

Sue stormed down the hallway, kicked the apartment door open and swept regally into the room. She found her nephew already awaiting her arrival, impeccably dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a long sleeve emerald t-shirt. He was looking far more chipper and ready to face the day.

''I thought that I'd have to come and find you both.'' Harry noted, eyeing them curiously.

Sue shrugged unrepentantly, Hedwig merely hooted.

''We triggered the alarm at the Mayor's mansion.'' She stated, as if that explained it all. Which it kind of did. Hedwig could only take on so many Rottweiler's at once, after all even she had her limits when it came to canine slaughter.

''So what's the plan for this morning?'' Harry inquired.

''That depends on whether you're done wetting your bed, and making your latest attempt at humping your way through western civilization.'' Sue sneered.

''I didn't wet my bed.'' Harry protested indignantly. ''You're just jealous that an ice bath has no effect on the powers of my libido.''

His aunt ignored that comment, partly due to the gag worthy images it conjured to her mind, but also due to the fact that she had purged any oestrogen from her body years ago.

''I'll be escorting you to Figgins, the person that only holds his position as school administrator due to my own magnanimous nature. Feel free to harass and manipulate him to your hearts content...or to the content of whatever you have in place of where your heart _should_ be.'' Sue told him briskly.

''Also henceforth, when in private, we shall be known as the Legion of Doom. You shall refer to me as General Zodd. Hedwig has taken the title of the Winged Avenger. Your codename stands currently as that of Mr Malicious. Any desire to change your codename must be addressed by first filling out the proper forms. Questions? Comments?''

Harry had none, so he simply snapped off a half hearted salute and followed the cheerleading coach as she marched out of the building, with Hedwig now perched on his shoulder.

The drive to William McKinley High was a reasonably short one, but it gave him the opportunity to enjoy his shiny new Ferrari California. He was more than man enough to admit that just the sight of the vehicle got him hard. He also made a mental note, to find someone to help test out the back seat as soon as reasonably possible.

Following his aunt in her vintage Le Car, and studiously ignoring her running a cyclist off the road, Harry quickly deduced that Lima Ohio probably didn't contain much of interest to him. Which meant that he would just have to entertain himself by causing misery amongst the populace. When they pulled up to the school Sue peeled off towards her faculty parking spot, knocking several children to the ground in the process, and Harry was left to find his own way. Locating the principals office surely couldn't be that hard for someone as resourceful as himself.

Climbing out of his Ferrari he attracted a few mildly curious stares, but was otherwise ignored by the student body as they chatted with friends and prepared for their first classes of the day. He strode briskly towards the front doors, whipping out his i-phone as he went and firing off a text to Luna.

Luna Lovegood was his long time friend and co-conspirator, although according to some people she was actually the physical embodiment of his conscience. Hermione maintained the theory that behind every great evil, there was a sweet tempered blonde that was slightly gone in the head. Harry wasn't sure if that was accurate, but Luna certainly helped curb his more vindictive impulses. She was a year younger than Harry himself, and thus in her final year at Hogwarts. Although he was certain that the mere memory of his wrath would be enough to prevent anyone from harassing his eccentric friend, he still wanted regular updates to make sure no one gave her any trouble.

As he walked, with his attention glued to his phone, he failed to notice the two girls in the periphery of his vision. Nor did he notice the two boys in letterman jackets approaching them with beverage cups. Harry had carefully considered how best to make a good impression on the glee club, so that they would ask him to join. Little did he know that his innate knack for vengeance and legendary temper, was about to work in his favour. As the pair of jocks cruelly emptied their drinks, directly in the faces of the young ladies, a single dollop of red ice flew across the distance and landed with a splat, right on the tip of Harry's shoe.

Harry froze. Slowly taking his eyes off of his text, he stared blankly at the small splatter of red on the the tip of his boot. This. Would. Not. Stand.

* * *

It had been the usual morning routine for Mercedes and Tina, as they met up by there lockers to discuss the latest fiasco to befall glee club. Their current topic of conversation, was the loss of Kurt to their competition the Dalton Academy Warblers. They were so involved in their discussion that they failed to notice the approaching forms of Karofsky and Azimio, nor did they see the slushies that they were holding. They certainly felt it though, when the familiar feel of frozen syrup doused them in the face.

The girls released twin shrieks of outrage at the sudden attack, prompting the resident bullies to chortle at their misfortune. Karofsky was cut off in mid chuckle, when a hand wrapped around the back of his neck in a vice like grip. Before he could shrug free, or even summon a sound of protest, he was violently slammed face first into the nearby lockers. His head hit hard enough to dent the metal, making his vision swim. He didn't get the chance to regain his bearings, as his collar was seized and he was carelessly thrown to the ground. A series of yelps, told him that Azimio was receiving similar treatment. Karofsky was just about to surge to his feet, when the hard sole of a leather boot slammed down on his balls. The burly jock squealed in pain, his voice going embarrassingly high in the process.

''I'm sure that in the course of your daily sniffing for truffles, that you generally go around thinking that you can do as you like. However if i'm going to be attending this dung pile of an educational institution, then we're going to have a problem.''

At the sound of the crisp English accent, Karofsky looked up into the face of his attacker. He'd expected it to be one of the jocks from the glee club, coming to the rescue. But the person he was confronted with was completely unfamiliar. He was of average height, maybe a little shorter, but that was the only thing average about him. His body, visible through his form fitting clothing, was all hard defined muscle suited to a swimmer or a gymnast. Short, artfully messy dark hair framed his head, with the fringe cascading over his forehead. His skin was lightly tanned and completely flawless, suiting his handsome face perfectly. The guy looked like a catwalk model.

David felt the familiar unwanted feeling of lust, followed swiftly by a denial fuelled rage. The instant that he made contact with a pair of blazing emerald eyes, the boot on his crotch pressed down, prompting a groan of pain. The mystery boy leaned forward and gripped the front of his letterman jacket, inadvertently increasing the pressure his foot was putting on his victim's testes.

''I'm going to let you and your girlfriend off easy, this time.'' He informed the jock, whilst throwing a look of contempt towards a groaning Azimio. ''But if you _ever_ do that again. I. Will. Break. You.'' Karofsky whimpered, as with each word spoken the boy trod down even harder, sending pulses of agony through his gonads.

''Are we clear?'' Harry asked sweetly.

''Yes! We're clear, just get the fuck off of me you crazy asshole!'' Karofsky quickly agreed, through gritted teeth. His reward for his potty mouth, was the boot being removed from his reproductive organs and slammed aggressively into his ribs. The force of the kick doubled him over, making the bile rise in his throat. Before walking away the mystery student wiped the tip of his boot on Azimio's sleeve, leaving a small smear of red in it's wake.

Karofsky silently vowed to get the guy back for this...after he got some ice on his balls.

* * *

As he swept away from the prostrate forms of Hogzilla and Mighty Joe Young, Harry felt immensely satisfied at gaining vengeance for his favourite leather boots. Granted the syrup wouldn't have damaged the footwear, but it was the principal of the thing. According to Wikipedia, you had to display dominance when training a dog, and logically the same thing applied to bullies with more body fat than sense.

''Hey! Hold up a sec!''

At the sound of the voice, Harry assumed that one of the many bystanders to his most recent display of superiority had taken issue with his actions. He turned to face the caller, an expression of complete disinterest on his face. His eyebrow rose in interest however, when he realised that the two girls had been among the dossiers he had compiled on the glee club. Mercedes Jones and Tina Cohen-Chang. Both had excellent voices. Well Tina's was excellent, Mercedes was exceptional. If the girl put half the preparation and practice into her performances that Rachel Berry seemed to, then there would be few who could equal her. She could potentially be better than Daphne Greengrass in the vocals department with a little more effort. Her dancing and overall physical fitness would require some work however. In contrast Tina was one of the better dancers in the club, with formal training in tap dancing. He was positive that with the correct regimen he could do wonders with the Asian girl.

''Is there something that I can do for you ladies?'' Harry inquired, smiling at the pair charmingly.

They grinned back at him with surprising enthusiasm, for someone they hadn't even been formally introduced to yet.

''We just wanted to thank you...ya know, for what you did?'' Chang told him, looking at him expectantly.

Harry was momentarily at a loss as to what the girl was talking about. He assumed that it had something to do with what had just transpired. Belatedly, he realised that both young women were covered in sticky red syrup. This prompted him to see the entire confrontation, and his words, from their perspective. They'd assumed that he was coming to their defence and warning those two overfed swine to leave them alone. The belief was ofcourse an erroneous one, but Harry was perfectly willing to play along.

''Oh, it was nothing really.'' Harry assured them, whilst _shyly _avoiding eye contact.

''Nothing? White boy, that was a world class beat down.'' Mercedes refuted.

''Yeah, most people wouldn't have bothered. Especially for someone they don't know.'' Tina quickly agreed.

Harry looked at them in disbelief.

''Who on earth would leave two such fine ladies, such as yourselves, to the mercy of those slobbering baboons?'' He demanded, feigning his outrage on their behalf.

With the look they gave each other, combined with the dramatic sighs, he knew that he had them hook line and sinker. They grinned at him, with their smiles widening further as he stepped between them and offered them each an arm. Catching on immediately, they both happily linked their arms through his.

''Harry James Potter at your service.'' He introduced himself.

''Now, why don't we get you two cleaned up?'' Harry asked them. ''And then I insist that you let me buy you coffee as a thank you for my timely rescue.''

Mercedes looked at him in amusement.

''If we're thanking you, shouldn't _we_ be buying the coffee?'' She pointed out.

''Certainly not! What kind of a gentlemen would I be if I invited you for coffee and didn't pay for it?'' He protested.

Tina giggled, clearly delighted by his exclamation.

''Well when you put it that way, I suppose we could skip first period. Helping a new student seems like a good excuse.'' She said, a cheeky smile curling at the corners of her lips.

Harry was pleasantly surprised by their willingness to blow off their classes, but he didn't complain as it gave him an opening to wheedle his way even further into their good graces. The cackle of triumph that bubbled up in his throat was quickly forced down, lest he freak them out. As they set off arm in arm, he conveniently ignored the fact that the principal was waiting for him in his office.

* * *

Noah Puckerman was facing a dilemma. This time though he didn't even do anything wrong! The douche bags on the football team had decided that after his little speech, to get them to join glee, that they'd shove him into a porta potty. He'd been stuck in that crap hole for almost a day, when he'd been rescued by that Zizes chick. After a failed attempt to get her to join New Directions, as he'd been unable to find her chocolate eggs, he'd been forced to consider the fact that anyone in the school that was willing to join glee club was already a member.

The only other option available was to threaten or blackmail someone into joining. Unfortunately he still had to be on his best behaviour or he could end up back in juvie, which was something he really wanted to avoid. He had been considering trying to enlist the help of Santana, even though he wanted to prove to Mr Schue that he could do this on his own. If his favourite teacher thought that he could handle it, then Puck wasn't about to let him down. If he could just find one kid willing to join, then he'd be happy. If they could sing then that would just be a bonus.

At that moment someone crossed the intersection of hallways in front of him, singing along to the ipod hooked into their ears. Puck froze at the sound. Maroon 5's Harder to Breathe, echoing through the hallway in a flawless tenor. The guy was good. Really, really good. He was even better than Wheels, who in his opinion was the best male singer in glee. The widely feared badass glanced at the ceiling, offering a silent thank you to his Jewish god, before running after the other boy.

When he finally caught up with him he was just entering the principals office. Puck followed him, planning to wait outside until he was done, so he could force the guy into joining New Directions. His jaw dropped though when instead of opening the door or even knocking, the dark haired boy violently kicked it open, slamming it against the wall with a crash.

''I'm here mortals, let the meeting commence.'' Harry sneered, removing his headphones and glancing around at the people in the room.

The apparent principal was seated behind his desk, staring at Harry as though he'd never seen anything like him before. It was probably because he was British, for some reason these damn Americans seemed obsessed with that fact. Sat across from him was a...woman? Man? Pre-op transsexual? According to the lettering on their shirt they went by the name Coach Beiste, which didn't narrow things down, so Harry decided to just refer to them using unisex titles until he could determine the persons gender.

Next to the...Coach, was a man in his early thirties. He was fairly handsome, even if he did have a somewhat obvious butt chin he still made it work. There was however one unacceptable detail, that could not go unmocked.

Harry pointed, waving his finger back and forth at the man's hair.

''What is this? I don't really get it. Because it looks like an attempt at a new form of glue based fly trap.'' The teenager observed, eyeing the man's hair style with fascinated disgust.

William Schuester blinked incredulously. But before he could remark at the sudden and rude interruption, the boy turned to Figgins and slapped a file on the desk in front of him.

''My transcripts, for your perusal. Please note that any and all criminal charges listed within have never been proven as fact, and that all the witness reports are purely circumstantial evidence.'' Without further comment the boy breezed from the room, leaving silence among the faculty members in his wake.

''Did that just happen? You both saw that too right?'' Shannon wondered.

Will didn't answer her, he was too busy wondering who that student's behaviour reminded him of, because he was fairly sure that something was about to happen and that he wouldn't like it.

''Is there really something wrong with my hair?'' He whined.

Figgins ignored the man and instead pulled the file towards him, reading the name on the cover. That was Harry Potter? The new student that was due in his office over three hours ago for an introductory meeting? If that brief interaction was any indication, then he had a feeling that the boy would be joining Santana Lopez on that short list of students that were never under any circumstances to be sent to his office. Some people needed to be kept as far away as possible. If he could figure out a way to keep Sue out, then he would have done so long ago.

* * *

Puck was more than a little stunned at the performance he'd just witnessed. As the other boy swept passed him, he snapped out of his reverie and stepped up next to him so that they were walking alongside one another.

''Hey, that was pretty badass.'' Puck complimented. And he genuinely meant it, there were few people who had the attitude to get away with that kind of behaviour scot free.

''Thank you strange person who I don't know.'' Harry replied, glancing briefly at Puck. His eyebrows rose in interest.

''You're very aesthetically pleasing aren't you?'' He observed rhetorically.

Puck blinked in confusion. ''I'm what?''

''You're hot.'' Harry rephrased.

Puck felt a familiar surge of pride at having his hotness pointed out. But he wasn't used to hearing it from other guys.

''Hey, whatever you heard about what happened in juvie is just a rumour. Puckzilla don't swing that way.'' He quickly assured the dark haired boy.

''Who's Puckzilla?'' Harry asked, sounding completely baffled.

''I am! Well i'm Puck, which is like my nickname. But Puckzilla is like the nickname I gave myself, ya know?'' Puck hurriedly explained. Harry stared at him, his blank expression giving no hint as to his thoughts.

''You not only refer to yourself in the third person, but you refer to yourself as..._Puckzilla_?'' He demanded. Puck nodded happily.

''OK, that officially killed my rising ardour.'' Harry complained. People who referred to themselves in such a way were usually unstable. Plus judging by his little speech about what way Puckzilla swung, he was probably having a teenage sexual identity crisis. Which whilst common and fairly amusing, also held little interest for him.

''What?'' Puck prompted. This kid was worse than Hummel with the confusing phrases.

''The thought of you has ceased to arouse my sexual interest.'' Harry amended obligingly. Puck nodded in understanding, before frowning in consideration.

''Hey wait, are you saying you don't wanna get with this?'' He blurted out. ''I mean, look at these guns!'' He began flexing said muscles in an obviously showy manner, prompting Harry to snicker at him.

''Alright, to prevent any future confusion i'll be clear. If you must give me a label, then I suppose you'd call me bisexual. Yes you're very attractive, but no that doesn't mean that I want to jump you. Mostly because the way in which you reference yourself is very off putting. And on that note I shall walk majestically away, leaving you free to feel sexual confusion whilst you appreciate my spectacular backside. Good day to you.'' True to his word Harry did indeed walk away, leaving Puck to unwillingly check out his ass.

''Huh...not bad.'' Puck admitted to himself. It was then that he realised he forgot to ask the boy to join glee club, and he didn't even get his name.

''Oh fuck.''

* * *

Thus far Harry had experienced a rather productive day. He'd thoroughly endeared himself to Tina and Mercedes, who would no doubt sing his praises to the other members of New Directions. And he'd also given the very attractive Noah Puckerman, who he'd been told was heading up the search for a new glee member, a small taste of his vast talents.

If he played things right, then he had no doubts that they would soon be pleading with him to join. Then he would continue with the careful manipulation of each of the different members, until their confidence in him was great enough that he could depose Rachel Berry and Finn Hudson as co-captains of the team. It would be a cake walk, if how easy it was winning over Mercedes and Tina was any indication. Apparently savagely beating someone's enemies and buying them caffeinated beverages was an excellent ice breaker. Hmm perhaps he should buy the glee club a coffee machine and curb stomp the various members of Vocal Adrenaline? He'd keep that as Plan B.

As he walked to his car, passing the various students milling about, Hedwig fluttered down from a nearby tree and affectionately nibbled his ear. He reached up, softly caressing his beloved owls feathers. She'd been left in the car this morning, with Harry intending to retrieve her after he'd intimidated Figgins into allowing her in school. But when he'd returned there with the girls for their coffee run, she'd mysteriously vanished. He really shouldn't of let her watch Jurassic Park so often, but how was he to know that she could learn how to open doors by watching Velociraptors?

''Are you a wizard? Coz I heard that wizards use owls to deliver their mail.''

Harry paused, turning to the owner of the voice and wondering who would address him. In front of him was a rather attractive blonde girl, wearing one of his aunt Sue's Cheerio uniforms. He couldn't be certain, but judging by the question she'd asked he was pretty sure of which cheerleader this was. Next to her was a stunning raven haired girl, with a rather voluptuous chest, who immediately captured his interest.

''How did you know that Brittany?'' Harry asked curiously, addressing the blonde. The girls eyes widened with a childlike wonder, causing him to smile slightly. She reminded him strongly of another quirky blue eyed blonde that he knew.

''How did you know my name?'' She whispered in amazement.

''Because i'm a wizard ofcourse. But don't tell anyone, it's supposed to be a secret.'' He informed her.

The gorgeous Latina narrowed her eyes at him.

''Two things. First of all, if you bullshit Brittany, then i'm going after your nads with a power sander. Second of all..._wanky_.'' The speed with which the girl went from glaring to leering was rather impressive. Her eyes practically devoured his form as they scanned him from head to toe. She licked her full lips, subconsciously running her fingers along her blonde companions side, which Harry found very interesting.

''So...I have a hot tub back at my penthouse.''

**AN/ And there you have it. Some very brief interactions between Harry and the Glee club. The awesomeness that is Harry/Santana will now commence. Sometime in the next few chapters they'll be taking a little trip to Dalton, to fuck with some young minds, it's already written and according to my sources it's highly amusing. The poll will be up as soon as I figure out how to make the damn things. Review! xxx **


	3. Set fire to the glass in my bag

**AN/ OK i'm officially the definition of a dumb bitch. I was actually sat here for the past few days wondering why no one was voting on my poll. Apparently it helps if you tell people that you've actually made one. So I quickly wrote this chapter in like an hour, it was stressfull lol.**

**The progression of events in this chapter is somewhat rushed, but I wanted to get Harry to encounter New Directions as fast as possible. After this we'll be jumping forwards in time by a couple of weeks, during which we'll see how Harry has settled into the New Directions group dynamic and which characters he's bonded with. Then the chapters will be longer and more drawn out, as we see how Harry's presence is perceived by others and in what ways his presence alters cannon events.**

**A word of warning, Harry and Santana are going to have a very messed up friendship comprised of sex and pure unadulterated evil, but they won't be the final pairing unless people decide they want it. On another note, the most popular characters in my poll will probably end up being the people that Harry has the closest bonds with.**

* * *

''So...I have a hot tub back at my penthouse.''

Santana eyed the boy in front of her _very _thoroughly. They didn't make 'em like that in Lima, that was for damn sure. He looked like he was genetically designed in a lab somewhere, in order to create the perfect person for licking.

She'd experienced several changes of heart this year regarding her sexuality. Sometimes she suspected that she was a lesbian, but she willingly admitted that she enjoyed sex with men. It just wasn't as good as it was with Brittany. Lately she'd reached the conclusion that she enjoyed being with Brittany more because she...cared about her. She would probably need to test the theory with another girl first, but she suspected that she liked _Brittany_ more than boys, not_ girls _more than boys_. _Ofcourse any lingering doubts she harboured were thoroughly quashed, once she caught sight of the green eyed man candy in front on her.

Brittany was dating Wheels, for some unfathomable reason, leaving Santana bored as of late. And also a little bit jealous, even if she'd never admit it out loud. But it looked as though things were finally looking up. Hot guy? Hot tub? Potentially hot penthouse? Hells yeah!

Stepping forward confidently Santana moved straight into the boy's personal space, making sure to maintain eye contact with him the entire time. To her delight he actually held it, without straying down to her ample chest, which was a temptation that few had the fortitude to resist. There was something about his eyes. It wasn't anything like when she looked at Brittany. The blonde girl made her feel as though she fit with her, that they might not be the same but they still complimented each other perfectly. But there was something...familiar, about the mystery boy in front of her. He had a look about him that she saw in the mirror everyday. A look of confidence and superiority, but beneath that there was something _wild_ just barely held in check.

''Harry Potter.'' He introduced, his eyes boring into her own with keen interest.

''Santana Lopez.'' She offered in return. ''Now, what was that about a hot tub?''

He smirked, the devilish expression flashing across his face and sending a pleasant tingle up her spine. As he parted his lips, no doubt to say something dripping with innuendo, he was interrupted by the sudden ringing of his phone. He frowned in annoyance, before deftly fishing the device out of his pocket and bringing it to his ear.

''Just a moment.'' Harry excused himself, giving her a polite smile.

''Talk!'' He barked demandingly into the receiver. Santana raised a brow, intrigued at his harsh and commanding actions. She liked a man with some backbone.

Harry paused, listening to the person on the other end of the conversation. The slight furrowing of his brow indicated that he was considering something carefully.

''Not possible. I'm currently attending school in Ohio, leaving me with no free time until the weekend.'' The dark haired boy refused. Whoever he was talking to said something else, making him pause thoughtfully.

''Hmm, actually I think that such a thing may just be possible after all. Tell Narcissa that I'll fly out tommorow morning, at my earliest convenience.'' Harry sharply informed the person he was speaking with. She could vaguely hear someone continue talking on the phone, before Harry abruptly hung up on them.

He stared at the disconnected phone for a moment, before turning to face the two cheerleaders who were watching him curiously.

''Looks like i'm heading back to the principals office. It was a pleasure meeting you Brittany. Santana, i'll pick you up at seven.'' With those parting words he started walking away, but the dark haired girl wasn't about to be dismissed just yet.

''What's happening at seven?'' She called after him. He flashed a grin over his shoulder.

''You. Me. The restaurant of your choice, and the thorough inspection of my hot tub. Feel free to come without a bathing suit.'' He yelled back at her. She didn't bother asking how he knew where she lived.

Santana narrowed her eyes at his retreating form. Yes, things were definitely looking up. Scoring a date with a hot British guy was awesome. But best of all, this would only serve to further prove to the lesser bitches of this school, that she was the alpha dog around here. Ever since Quinn had taken back captaincy of the Cheerios, and relegated Santana to the bottom of the pyramid, the bimbo had been strutting around like she owned the place. But she had a feeling from that brief encounter, that Harry might be useful in regaining her top spot as the queen bee, and putting Prego Fabray back where she belonged.

''Come on Brits, I needs ta get me something sweet.'' The Latina announced, looping her arm through the other girls and leading her towards the cafeteria. She could figure out what appropriately slutty ensemble to wear later.

''Can owls read minds?'' Brittany wondered.

* * *

Harry was pleased with himself. After he'd finished arranging his entertainment for the evening and gotten through the remainder of the days classes, he'd made his way back to the principals office. Intimidating Figgins into allowing Hedwig to be with him during school hours was a simple matter. However gaining permission to skip his second day of school, in order to fly to New York, was slightly trickier.

Narcissa Malfoy, fashion designer extroadinaire, had given her assistant orders to contact Harry. Apparently she was in a bit of a bind. Her latest designs were being featured in some big shot fashion magazine, and her male model had abandoned her at the last minute. Well, technically he was hit by a bus, but Harry didn't care about the details. So now she was calling Harry in to take his place in the photo shoot. He could easily do so, as tomorrow was a Friday and he'd be back by Sunday evening, which meant he would only miss one day of school. Plus he'd already graduated from one of the worlds most prestigious educational institutions, so it wasn't like he'd be missing out on anything. He was only here at his aunt Sue's behest.

Best of all, doing this for Narcissa would drive Draco completely ballistic, which was all the incentive that Harry really needed. Draco Malfoy was his long term frenemy. Their acquaintance was in a perpetual state of them trying to one up each other. Hermione claimed that their competitive behaviour made absolutely no sense, as neither of them had the same interests, and they'd taken completely different electives at Hogwarts. You'd be as likely to catch Draco doing a complex song and dance routine, as you would Harry designing a ball gown. But even if they didn't compete in the same areas, they still liked to rub their achievements in one another's faces.

After graduating, Draco's mother had offered him an executive position with her design label. However the blonde had refused, and instead decided to start his own company. Draco's designs had been proving successful, but Narcissa wasn't about to let her son outdo her, and so ever since then she'd been doing everything in her power to best her offspring. One thing that all the Malfoy family had in common was that they were all absolutely ruthless, so Narcissa was quite happy to offer her son's rival a part time modelling contract. Seeing Harry wearing his mothers designs in a big shot magazine, would probably give the ferret an aneurysm.

Before leaving, Harry planned to ensure that Sue was aware of what he was up to. God forbid that she find him missing, and activate the tracer she'd had surgically implanted into the back of his neck. If she found out that he'd had it removed and placed in a raccoon, then there would be hell to pay.

As he approached his aunts office, Harry felt the familiar sensation of being watched tingling over his skin. Whilst it could logically be any of the people in the hallway observing him, Harry was reasonably confident that the culprit was the man leaning against the wall in front of him. In general appearance the guy looked like a secret service agent. He was standing nonchalantly, with his arms folded and his eyes concealed by a pair of dark sunglasses. His attire consisted entirely of black, hence why he looked like some kind of body guard. Harry idly noted that he was rather good looking, but the way the man was staring at him got his hackles up.

''Can I help you with something?'' Harry sneered.

The stranger jerked in surprise at being directly addressed. It was like he thought he was invisible or something.

''I'm surprised you noticed me, with how well I was blending in.'' The man informed him, simultaneously proving Harry correct and confusing the hell out of him. He pushed off of the wall and stepped forwards, with a smarmy smile on his face.

''You're Harry Potter. Recent graduate of Hogwarts Academy, where you featured as one of their choir's lead soloists and lead the team to an international victory at a European championship in Rome. Your duet with Miss Daphne Greengrass literally reduced the judges to tears.'' He stated in lieu of an introduction.

Harry had no idea why a stranger was telling him things that he was already well aware of, considering that he'd been there when they'd happened. Maybe he was a fan? Or he really could be a secret service agent. Those guys had been giving him a hard time ever since he'd head butted Hilary Clinton, even though it was accident! Well it was kind of an accident, it was mostly the fault of the Turkish amphetamines that Sue had dosed him with while he was sleeping.

''Who are you, and why should I give a fuck?'' Harry demanded.

''Straight to the point I see, I can respect that. I'm the director of a show choir...'' He started to explain, before Harry cut him off.

''Wait _you're_ Mr Schuester?'' Harry was understandably confused. Given his aunts crazed ranting about the man's collection of vests and his terrible hair, Harry had thought that the teacher he'd encountered in the principals office earlier was the glee club director.

The dark haired man hesitated for a brief moment before answering his question.

''Yes I am!'' He replied brightly. ''And after catching wind of your talent in the performing arts, I thought I'd come and offer you the opportunity to join the school's glee club.''

Dustin Goolsby could barely contain his smirk. He could scarcely believe his good fortune. When he'd received word that an international choir champion had moved to Ohio, he'd immediately attempted to track the boy down. To his immense surprise the student was attending McKinley high, the same place that he'd found Sunshine Corazon months previously. He wasn't sure what someone with Harry Potter's qualifications was doing in this backwater town, when he'd already graduated with honors from a vastly superior school, but he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. And the boy had just unwittingly given him, the perfect way to get him to join Vocal Adrenaline and transfer to Carmel high.

''I had been considering joining some after school clubs.'' Harry admitted, cocking his head in consideration.

''Excellent!'' Dustin enthused. ''Then if you'll just sign this, you're in!''

He opened his briefcase and whipped out a contract, which would cement the boy's legal transfer to Carmel and ensure that he spend at least a year as a member of Vocal Adrenaline.

''This is just a quick permission form, nothing to worry about. As your school records indicate that you're an emancipated minor, you just have to sign your name and you'll be an official member.'' The director told him.

Harry frowned. ''Don't I have to audition first? I mean it hardly seems fair that you'd let me in without seeing what I can do.''

Dustin almost cursed, but managed to keep his composure. It was the end of the school day, so he'd just have to let the boy sing a song and then he could wrap things up without being interrupted.

''Excellent point! If you'll just follow me, we'll head to the auditorium.''

Vocal Adrenaline was about to secure a new male lead, and an almost guaranteed fifth national championship title.

* * *

Puck was moving as quickly as he could towards the choir room. Classes had just ended for the day, meaning that glee club was about to begin. He hoped that Mr Schue was already there, because he was pretty sure that they had a big problem.

After sleeping his way through History class, Puck had set off towards glee as usual. On his way there, he'd come across an interesting sight. The new kid, that he'd been searching for the the whole damn day, was standing in the middle of the hallway talking to someone. He'd headed straight towards them, determined to catch the other boy and get him to join glee club. But when he'd gotten closer and heard their conversation, he became sure that something was wrong. Some douche bag was pretending to be Mr Schue! Either he was the director of a rival club, or he was taking the new guy to the empty auditorium to molest him. Although given what he'd seen of the dark haired boy so far, Puck was fairly confident that the man would lose an arm if he tried anything like that. So he was most likely trying to steal an awesome singer from New Directions, just like what happened with that Filipino chick.

And so Puck was heading to get the cavalry. Then they could toss that creepy guy out on his ass, and save the new kid. As he reached his destination he burst through the door, causing the occupants of the room to look up at him in surprise. Puck was pleased to see that he was the last to arrive.

''Mr Schue, we got trouble!'' Puck blurted out, panting from his mad dash through the school. The Spanish teacher eyed him curiously.

''Puck? What's wrong, are you okay?'' He asked, his concern for his glee kids rising to the surface.

''Yeah, i'm awesome.'' Puck waved him off. ''I found us a new member for glee club.''

''Really? That's fantastic, I knew you could do it.'' Mr Schuester praised him. Puck beamed at the positive reinforcement. It wasn't often that he did something deserving of it, so he planned to enjoy the moment.

''I would also like to congratulate Noah on his recruiting of yet another vital background member of this group, who can support me in my solo efforts to carry us to victory.'' Rachel loudly enthused.

''Shut up Berry! God, you're like a fog horn with a freaking moustache.'' Santana snarled, quickly silencing the other girl. Rachel pouted and slumped back into her seat, she was used to peoples lack of appreciation.

''So who's the new member? You didn't bully them into joining did you?'' Tina questioned, eyeing Puck thoughtfully. The self proclaimed badass, bristled at the implication.

''Ofcourse not! They haven't even officially joined yet, so I figured I should be nice or something.'' Puck told them, sounding slightly proud of his self restraint.

''If they haven't even agreed to join, then why did you come running in here like a crazy person?'' Artie queried sceptically. Puck's eyes widened in remembrance of his mission.

''Oh shit, I almost forgot! The new guy just got dragged off to the auditorium by some dude pretending to be you!'' He informed the choir director. Mr Schuester looked confused.

''Pretending to be me? Why?'' The man asked. He had his suspicions, but he wanted confirmation first.

''Coz the new boy is like some big shot choir champion from some European school. I'm pretty sure the other dude is a director from another group, like the Garglers or something.'' Puck hurriedly explained. An explosion of noise followed that little revelation, with everyone loudly exchanging their thoughts. Eventually though Santana got fed up and made her way to the chalk board.

The members of New Directions cried out in protest, as the girl dragged her crimson nails down the writing apparatus, causing an ungodly screeching noise. Satisfied that she had everyone's attention, Santana turned her focus on to Puckerman.

''This new boy wouldn't be called Harry by any chance, would he?'' She inquired, though it was clear by her tone that she new already knew the answer to her question.

''How do _you_ know Harry?'' Mercedes demanded, wondering if the demonic cheerleader had somehow gotten her claws into the sweet natured boy that had taken her and Tina for coffee that morning. Santana raised a eyebrow at the enquiry.

''None of your damn business Wheezy.'' She sneered.

''Enough!'' Mr Schue barked, bringing everyone's focus back to the matter at hand. ''Puck, what did this choir director look like?''

Puck quickly told him.

''Goolsby.'' The teacher growled in realisation. ''You all stay here, i'll take care of this.''

Naturally nobody listened to him, and they promptly followed the man as he stormed out of the choir room with Puck and Santana leading the charge. The group hurried through the empty hallways towards the auditorium, but they slowed down as they approached. As they reached the doors, they heard music coming from within, bringing them to a sudden halt. When no one made a move to enter, Rachel impatiently forced her way through the throng and wrenched the doors open.

_''I set fire to the rain_

_Watched it pour as I touched your face_

_Let it burn while I cried_

_'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name_

_I set fire to the rain_

_And I threw us into the flames_

_Where I felt somethin' die_

_'Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time oh''_

The sound of the song, accompanied perfectly on the piano, washed over them. Eyebrows rose and jaws dropped in surprise and wonder, as a smooth powerful tenor flowed through the room. William Schuester hesitated for a moment, feeling reluctance to interrupt the performance. He recognised the boy from earlier, when he'd imperiously barged his way into the principals office during a meeting he and Shannon were having with Figgins. The dark haired teenager was sat at the piano, belting out the lyrics to his song of choice, his face changing expressively along with the emotions related to the music. Will couldn't help but feel slightly gleeful, pun intended. The new student sounded spectacular, his interpretation of the song was completely flawless. His voice was strong, tackling the notes effortlessly and easily holding them.

He didn't usually like to play favourites with his kids, but this boy was better than even Finn, who William held a soft spot for. If they could get him in New Directions then they'd be that much closer to winning nationals. He was already mentally perusing options for duets between him and Rachel, who he was certain wouldn't object. Dustin Goolsby was stood just behind the boy, completely caught up in his performance. He looked thoroughly impressed, and apparently hadn't noticed the rest of them entering the auditorium.

_''Oh, no_

_Let it burn, oh_

_Let it burn!_

_Let it burn!''_

Harry blasted out the final notes, holding them for a dizzying amount of time. Feeling his voice crash into them like a wave of tangible force, had Mr Schuester mentally reconsidering the best choice of duet partner for him. He glanced at Mercedes from the corner of his eye, she was watching along with the others looking extremely impressed at the vocal acrobatics Harry was performing. Despite her stunning voice he'd never considered the girl for a duet, simply because her voice was too powerful. Unlike Rachel, she had trouble holding herself back to match her partner, like the other girl did with Finn. But if she was matched with someone who could keep up, then he had no doubt that they would stand out from a purely vocal perspective.

As Harry's voice trailed off, the auditorium was left in eerie silence. The boy stood up from the piano bench and twirled to face the coach of Vocal Adrenaline.

''There we go. Hopefully that gave you a little taste of just how screwed you are.'' He brightly informed the man. Dustin blinked in bemusement.

''Um...what?'' He asked, blinking stupidly. Harry merely chuckled, watching him with amusement.

''You didn't seriously believe that I bought that crap about you being the McKinley high choir director, did you? Because quite frankly you suck at the art manipulation. Your feeble attempts at trickery are insulting.'' Harry told him scathingly.

Goolsby gaped, looking rather like a fish out of water.

''You knew? Then why did you insist on having an audition?'' He questioned incredulously. The fact that the kid had him figured out from the get go was a little insulting.

''Oh that wasn't for your benefit. I was certain that Puckerman would go running off to fetch his compatriots, when he overheard our conversation. Having you watch me sing, and knowing that you'd have to go up against me, was just icing on the cake.'' Harry explained whilst idly inspecting his nails.

''You tricked me?'' Goolsby wondered, looking somewhat dazed.

''Yes I did. Oh, and just to warn you, I stole that contract out of your bag and replaced it with shards of broken glass.'' Harry added.

Dustin frowned and reached into his bag, before yanking it back out with a yelp of pain. Beads of crimson welled up and dripped off of his fingers, falling to the floor with a splat.

''That...that makes no sense! How the hell could you have possibly done that without me noticing?'' The coach demanded. Harry shrugged, looking supremely unconcerned.

''That's for me to know. But you should probably get yourself tested, I found that glass on the floor of an abandoned meth lab.'' The boy idly informed him.

''You _what_?'' Goolsby squawked.

''Hey don't judge me. If you know of a better place to find potentially infectious shards of glass, then I'd love to hear it.'' Harry defended, misinterpreting the source of the man's horror.

''You little bastard, you're going to pay for this!'' Dustin snarled. Harry ignored him, in favour of jotting something down in a note book that he'd pulled from seemingly nowhere.

''Now what are you doing?'' The director snapped, feeling trepidation.

''Adding you to the list of people that have told me that 'i'm going to pay for this'.'' Harry answered. ''Your addition brings my total up to three hundred and twelve, not counting those people who are already deceased.''

''You're insane.'' Goolsby pointed out, aiming to insult him.

''You sound like my psychiatrist.'' Harry observed dryly. ''I hate my psychiatrist.''

The boy gestured sharply, brandishing his hand through the air.

''Now what are you doing?'' The man asked warily.

Harry didn't bother answering, as in response to his signal a white blur descended from the rafters with a screech of fury. Dustin screamed and stumbled away as the sharp beak, and cruel talons of Hedwig began savaging his face. He waved his arms to batter the owl away, but his attempts were completely ineffective.

''Attack my pretty, attack!'' Harry egged her on, cackling in vicious delight.

Deciding to cut his losses and get the hell out of there, Goolsby charged for the exit and shoved his way passed the assembled members of New Directions who were stood watching the spectacle. Hedwig fluttered down, alighting gracefully on her master's shoulders, and calmly watching her prey as he fled.

''Bring me his spine.'' Harry commanded.

With a echoing cry, the bird of prey took flight in pursuit of her quarry. Harry watched her go, with a fond smile on his face. His Hedwig was such a rambunctious little scamp. He then abruptly turned to face the observing glee club, who looked completely stupefied by the confrontation that they'd witnessed.

''Take a picture, it lasts longer and provides adequate material to masturbate over.'' He advised them.

''Wanky.'' Santana quipped.

''Santana!'' Mr Schuester scolded her.

* * *

Dustin Goolsby ran through the abandoned halls of McKinley, as fast as his legs would carry him. Anything to get away from that little freak and his rabid bird. Assuming ofcourse that birds could actually get rabies. He was so focussed on fleeing the sound of beating wings, that he failed to notice the person in front of him until he'd collided with them. He fell to the floor with a yelp, groaning as his skull collided with the ground. He rapidly blinked, gazing up at the person he'd struck, who apparently hadn't even stumbled from the impact. Through his blurred vision, all he could clearly make out was that they were wearing a red tracksuit.

''Once again I find myself given irrefutable evidence that evolution can go in reverse.'' The person deadpanned.

''Uh...huh?'' Dustin mumbled, still feeling dazed.

''I'm assuming you got here because someone left your cage door open. Allow me to show you the exit through use of this handy crossbow.'' The following twanging sound, and explosion of pain quickly cleared the man's mind.

''Oh god, my leg!''

''Outstanding.''

**AN/How was that? I know it was brief and somewhat rushed, but I needed to use the chapter as a way of announcing my poll. The sooner the poll is done the sooner we can have Harry and Santana visit Dalton to harvest some souls. Review and Vote!**


	4. Showers and Warblers

**AN/ Here I am again! I'm so pleased that so many people don't think that I suck. You guys are awesome, but if you keep touching my ego with your dirty hands then i'll be forced to report you to the proper authorities.**

**This chapter takes place a couple of weeks after Harry's first day. Sectionals is fast approaching, along with many of the more entertaining series moments, such as Rachel's party. If anyone has any fun ideas or requests of what they'd like to see, then feel free to ask and i'll see about working it in.**

**The poll remains open, so keep on voting! xx**

Football practice was a serious bitch ever since coach Beiste had taken over. It was cool that they were actually winning and shit, but the amount of work they had to put into it was way more than they were used to. At least it was a good work out though. Puck was looking forward to a scalding hot shower to soothe his now aching muscles. Thank god practice had been cut short, because the sprinklers on the football field had malfunctioned. He could get home early and take a nap.

As the water from the shower stool reached optimum temperature and steam filled the air, Puck stepped into the spray. It was hot enough to be almost uncomfortable, but he could really care less. The teenager released a small sigh as the heat soaked slowly into his body, warming him to the bone. He idly noticed that the sounds of his rowdy team mates had stopped, but assumed that they had probably left.

''Outstanding.''

Puck jumped at the sudden voice, sounding directly behind him. He stumbled, but managed to avoid slipping on the slick tiles beneath him. He whipped round, ready to lay a beat down on the idiot that almost killed him. He paused however when he realised just who it was, and what they were wearing.

''Hello Noah!'' Harry chirped brightly, his eyes shamelessly scanning the larger boy's wet, naked form. Puck mentally sighed. He really needed to get that boy a bell, he was like a fucking ninja.

''Harry? Is there a reason why you're watching me shower?'' Puck inquired. Not that he cared ofcourse, he was way to confident about his hotness to be embarrassed. And after the last few weeks he'd gotten used to the fact that the Brit had absolutely no boundaries.

Harry paused at the question, clearly considering whether he did indeed have a reason, other than to watch Puck washing himself. That was another thing about Harry, he was one of the most overtly sexual people that Puck had ever met. He was pretty much Santana with a penis and a hot accent.

''I am here with a purpose...unfortunately.'' The boy finally admitted. Puck smirked at the response and made sure to flex a little, just to be a tease. He paused however when he realised that his team mates weren't just silent, they were all gone.

''Where the hell is everyone?'' Puck wondered curiously, not seeing any of the other football players.

''I had them leave us.'' Harry answered him. The jock looked at him in amusement. Unlike the rest of New Directions, Puck had quickly learned not to question how the green eyed boy did the things that he did. It was best to just accept it. Actually...

''You wouldn't know anything about why the sprinkler system went off during practice, would you?'' Puck wondered.

''If you're implying that I tampered with the system, then you are very much mistaken!'' Harry denied, bristling in offence. Puck felt slightly guilty at his insinuation. He knew what it was like to be blamed for things by default, because people just assumed.

''Tampering implies that I intentionally modified it. But I had no idea what I was doing, so I just wailed on it with a crowbar until it went off.'' And with that statement Puck's guilt completely vanished.

''And you sabotaged our practice because?'' The taller boy probed.

''Because I wished to speak with you immediately.'' Harry informed him, as though it should be obvious.

''Did you ever think of, I don't know, trying coach Beiste?'' Puck teased him.

''Don't be stupid Noah, ofcourse I considered it!'' Harry snapped. ''But if I'd started beating that she-male with a crowbar, then everyone would have seen me.''

''I meant, did you try asking her if you could speak to me?'' Puck clarified, eyeing the shorter boy sceptically.

It was times like this that made Puck really curious about Harry. Despite the fact that he was charismatic, he also seemed to completely lack the ability to determine what was considered socially acceptable. Some people seemed to find it funny, and Puck did too on occasion, but it also gave him the feeling that the dark haired boy might actually have serious issues. He seemed so confident and sure of himself when he was doing something, that most people seemed to miss the fact that his actions screamed 'Damaged'. Puck made a mental note to find out more about his new friend, because Harry was kind of amazing and maybe just a little bit hot, in a non gay way. Maybe Santana knew something?

''So, what did you want to talk about?'' Puck asked him, changing the conversation.

''I need to know where Lurch is. Despite the fact that he's so heinously tall, I can't seem to find him anywhere.'' Harry told him. Puck absently wondered why he was looking for Finn, but decided it was probably best not to ask.

''I don't know dude. He left about ten minutes ago. Said he had stuff to do.'' He explained. Harry pouted slightly at the response, looking kind adorable, even though there was nothing about the boy that could ever be called cute, sweet or girly.

''Hmm, it seems that i'll need to find him the old fashioned way.'' Harry groused, leaning casually against the shower wall and making no move to leave.

''You're actually going to stand there and watch me shower aren't you?'' Puck observed with amusement.

''Yep. I'd join you, but i'm pretty sure you couldn't handle it.'' Harry replied, accepting the other boy's comment. Puck chuckled.

''You have no shame do you?'' The taller boy retorted, as he began soaping himself up.

''Nope. I thought I did once, but it turns out that I was just trashed from drinking too much mouth wash.'' Harry recalled, looking vaguely disturbed by the memory. ''Those poor zoo keepers.'' He muttered.

''What did you say?'' Puck blurted, turning back to face him.

''Nothing!'' Harry quickly assured him. ''Anyway, I really should be going now. I told Satan that I'd meet her in the parking lot.'' He then extracted his phone and pointed it in Puck's direction. A flash went off and the boy swiftly stuffed the device back into his pocket.

''Dude, did you just take a picture of me naked?!'' Puck demanded.

''Don't be silly Noah, look at all the water you're wearing.'' Harry pointed out sweetly. The other boy then turned to leave, but the sight that Puck found himself presented with forced him to ask one more question.

''Dude, why are you wearing a Cheerios uniform?'' Puck demanded, staring at his tightly clad behind.

''Because i'm the new captain.'' Harry called back at him.

''I thought Quinn was the captain?'' Puck asked curiously. The dark haired boy paused, looking back at him thoughtfully.

''Hmm good point, I'd better go take care of that. Thanks Puck!'' Harry trilled happily.

Puck smiled as he watched him go. That uniform should be fucking illegal, it was confusing Puckasaurus. He was glad that he could help Harry out though. Hopefully he found Quinn and took care of things soon...wait a second. Pucks eyes widened.

''Harry!'' He bellowed, charging after the other boy and completely forgetting his state of undress.

* * *

Dalton Academy was one of the finest private schools in the country. A place of equality, maturity and sophistication, with high academic standards. The staff were professional, the students were well mannered and the campus was awe inspiring. It was a typical Wednesday at Dalton. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, a gentle breeze whispered softly through the tree tops, and someone was screaming in abject terror.

Finn Hudson was running like the hounds of hell were after him, although given who he was fleeing from that might actually be in the literal sense. The last two weeks had been like living in the twilight zone, except without sparkly vampires. Or maybe that was the wrong twilight zone, but he didn't really care all that much. Everything had started changing from the moment they'd first heard Harry singing in the auditorium. After hearing his performance, everyone had enthusiastically welcomed the new boy into the glee club.

Things were great for a while after that. Everybody loved Harry, he was smart, funny, a great dancer, fantastic singer and phenomenal gymnast. He was handsome, he was charming and ofcourse he was pure undiluted evil. Although no one seemed to notice that part except for Finn and Rachel, but he suspected that Rachel only detested the dark haired boy because he'd gotten so many solo opportunities since joining. All of the others seemed to worship the ground the British student walked on. He did dance routines with Mike and Brittany, talked Sci-Fi and gaming with Artie and Sam, and he seemed to have hypnotised the rest of the girls into being his mind slaves. The worst were Puck and Santana. If Finn didn't know better, then he'd think that Puck liked the guy. _Like _liked him. And it didn't help that Harry seemed to flirt with everyone, including Mr Schue! Were people even allowed to do that? He was cool with gay dudes and everything, but were you allowed to like guys whilst still liking girls? Finn wasn't sure.

Anyway, by far the worst thing about Harry being in glee club wasn't that everyone seemed to like him better, or that he got so many solos. It was the effect that he had on Santana. The cheerleader had always been an evil bitch, but when she was around the green eyed boy their collective nastiness seemed to double and then double again. They were like evil squared or something. The two of them were always together, and according to the gossip mill they were actually dating. Rumour has it that they'd been busted by the cops having a three way with a waitress in the Breadstix parking lot, without a car!

Then there was the incident where Rachel had sent him to a crack house, just like she did to Sunshine. Everyone had been super pissed off at her the next day, but then they caught the news segment saying that the crack house had been burned to the ground and the drug addicts that resided there had been found beaten and hog tied on the pavement, with the words 'Rachel Berry must die' written on their shaved heads in pigs blood.

The guy was obviously crazy, but everyone just acted like it was completely normal. And now he was after Finn, to do terrible things to him. Hence why the tall teen had chosen to come and hide out at Dalton. Harry would never find him here, and he could visit Kurt so it was win win. He hadn't spent much time with his new little bro lately. Finn had driven here as fast as he could, straight from McKinley, and the receptionist told him that classes had just finished for the day. Kurt was apparently practising with the Warblers right now, but Finn didn't think they'd mind if he dropped by as he wasn't spying or anything.

Hopefully he'd be safe here.

* * *

The Dalton Academy Warblers were in a council session, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere and using the afternoon to agree on their final set list for their upcoming sectionals. Wesley, one of the members of the glee club council, was just about to make an announcement when the screaming started. Glancing at one another in concern, several warblers rose from their seats to check on the source of the commotion. However the double doors of the room burst open before they could reach them, and an extremely tall boy stumbled clumsily into the room. He glanced around, frantically searching the ranks of the glee club, his eyes wide with terror. His eyes stopped on a single person before he abruptly threw himself at the boy's feet. Kurt Hummel gazed down at the boy, with a look of surprise and suspicion on his face.

''Finn Hudson, what on earth are you doing here?'' He demanded of his step brother, who was attempting to hide behind his legs. Finn looked up at him with fearful brown eyes.

''You gotta help me Kurtie! I don't think that they followed me, but I think they can like track my scent or something!'' He begged, clutching desperately at the other boy's blazer. Kurt's eyes narrowed at the utterance of his despised nickname, and turned absolutely murderous as his brother began pawing at his neatly pressed uniform.

Wrenching the other boys hands from his clothing the fashionista prepared to give the larger teen a severe tongue lashing. He was interrupted by his current crush however.

''Um, Kurt what's going on?'' Blaine queried. The dark haired warbler was eyeing Finn with suspicion, along with several other members of the group, though most just looked confused by the boy's sudden appearance.

Kurt mentally groaned. No doubt something crazy and New Directions related was about to occur. And in front of his new friends and the object of his affections no less! Clearly transferring to Dalton wasn't enough to escape the madness. Shooting a brief look of apology to his fellow warblers, Kurt braced himself for whatever insanity his step brother was about to come out with.

''Okay Finn.'' He began gently. ''What's wrong? Shouldn't you be at football practice about now?''

Finn opened his mouth to respond, seeming slightly calmer as Kurt began gently petting his hair. Whatever he was about to say though, was cut off as someone else decided to speak up.

''Yes Finn.'' The voice drawled. ''We wouldn't want to miss your pathetic attempts at athleticism, would we?''

The football player froze, his face growing pale. His head snapped around to face the room's only entrance, with everybody else following his gaze. They were all suitably baffled to find that no one was there.

''I'm in front of you, gleetards.''

The rooms occupants jumped in shock, with several boys crying out in fright. Sitting amongst them, as though he'd been there all along, was an unfamiliar boy. A rather good looking unfamiliar boy. Beside him was a girl, but _her_ Kurt at least was familiar with. The two warblers who were seated on either side of the strangers let out girlish shrieks of surprise and leapt away from them. Nick and Jeff were wondering how two people had gotten in the middle of them, without them even noticing, and how long they'd been sat there.

The dark haired boy raised an eyebrow at their reactions, his lips curling in amusement. Finn was completely gob smacked, the fear that he'd displayed was now absent in place of his bafflement.

''How long have you two been here? I left McKinley before you did!'' The taller boy insisted, jumping up from his place at Kurt's feet.

Harry shrugged non-committally. ''I'm not sure, I'd say about an hour or so.'' He replied, glancing at Santana for confirmation.

Blaine absently noticed that the yummy stranger had a yummy accent, but more important was the fact that he recognised him. He just wasn't sure where he'd seen him before. Finn's brain sputtered, as he attempted to calculate.

''It's an hour drive to get here, how did you leave after me and yet get here an hour earlier than I did?'' He demanded.

The green eyed boy rose gracefully to his feet, looking supremely unconcerned about all of the eyes watching him.

''Please Hudson, the laws of time and space are for lesser mortals to follow, not those such as we.'' He sneered, waving a dismissive hand.

''Damn right Potter, the universe is totally our bitch.'' Santana agreed, as she thoroughly inspected a terrified looking Jeff.

''Wait...if you've been here for that long, then that means that you've been sat there in plain sight since the meeting started, how the hell did we not notice you?'' David wondered incredulously from his seat at the council table.

''Duh, we're in disguise.'' Harry pointed out mockingly, as he indicated the sun glasses that they were both wearing.

''That doesn't make any sense! I don't think that a pair of shades would make a difference.'' Nick blurted out, with his confusion mirrored on the faces of his team mates.

''Well fortunately your opinions are much like your glee clubs harmonies, irrelevant and a general waste of oxygen.'' Harry retorted scathingly, much to the offence of the warblers.

Kurt sighed in annoyance. He knew things were going to get crazy, but apparently there was a new element of insanity in the mix. Though at least he was nice to look at. His exhalation caused Santana to notice him for the first time.

''Porcelain? This is _your_ school?'' She asked, looking around the room in surprise. ''I figured that we'd broken into a museum or something.''

''Your parents named you _Porcelain_? That's like begging you to be a drag queen.'' Harry said, looking at Kurt as though expecting him to put on a cocktail dress and start dancing.

''I'm Kurt!'' The pale boy snapped.

''You certainly are. That's okay though, i'm violent.'' Harry told him.

''No! My. Name. Is. Kurt.'' The counter-tenor ground out.

''Good to know.'' Harry replied, absently inspecting the hem of his shirt. Kurt abruptly realised that the boy was wearing a Cheerios uniform.

''Hold on a second, did you say that you broke in?!'' Wesley demanded, butting into the madness. Apparently the senior councilmen had gotten over his surprise at the sudden interruptions to their club meeting.

''No worries, the campus security guards should recover in a few days...at least in the physical sense.'' Harry reassured him. Those present gaped at the pair in horror, meanwhile Santana commenced filing her nails from her new seat on an awkward Jeff's lap.

''Anyhow, where are my manners? My name is Harry James Potter, those of you that fall into my good graces will come to know me as Harry. Those that do not, will also come to know me as Harry...you'll just be pronouncing it without any tongues.'' The boy introduced himself, causing people to shift away from him uneasily. He looked around at them all in curiosity.

''Wow, I haven't been surrounded by this many men in uniforms since I fell into that orgy in St Louis.'' He observed.

''I didn't know that...wait a second, how the fuck does someone 'fall' into an orgy?'' Santana demanded, staring at him in befuddlement. Harry shrugged.

''It's not my fault that the rooftops in that city are too flimsy for high speed chases!'' He snapped defensively, running a hand through his thoroughly messy hair.

Blaine's eyes widened in a sudden realisation, as he observed the action. ''Hey wait, I know where I recognize you from! You were in this months Vogue!'' He exclaimed. Kurt's head whipped round in shock.

''You have this months Vogue already? And you didn't show me?'' He growled. Blaine smiled sheepishly.

''Um, I forgot?'' The boy murmured apologetically, before turning back to Harry excitedly. Jeff perked up from his position beneath Santana, who was now running her talons through his hair.

''Is that the picture that you won't stop staring at, and you stuck to the wall next to your bed?'' He wondered. Blaine suddenly stiffened, a light blush colouring his face.

''Why did you stick it by your bed?'' Kurt inquired, wondering why anyone would desecrate a copy of Vogue by tearing a page out of it. Blaine blushed even harder, turning a bright crimson.

''Oh...oh!'' Kurt mumbled in scandalised realisation. He turned an accusing gaze on the mysterious 'Harry', furious not only that the boy had been in the bible of fashion magazines but that he'd apparently caused Blaine to do...that!

''Wanky!'' Santana proclaimed, watching the unfolding drama in delight.

''In this case literally.'' Harry agreed, eyeing the embarrassed Blaine in amusement. He stepped up next to the other boy and placed a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it soothingly.

''Don't be ashamed!'' Harry cooed, making his stroking slightly more inappropriate and ignoring Kurt's burning gaze. ''It's perfectly natural to masturbate, especially when you're thinking about me.''

''Amen brother.'' Santana chipped in agreeably. Harry scoffed at her, not seeming to notice that his hands had slid inside Blaine's blazer.

''Bitch please, the vegetable section at the grocery store makes _you_ want to get yourself off.'' He jabbed. Santana slid off of Jeff's lap, with a fierce glare on her face.

''You're one to talk, if you were anymore of a dick then you'd be sucking yourself.'' She retorted, as she began circling him in a distinctly shark like manner. Harry watched her warily.

''Have you ever considered swallowing some of that makeup you slathered on your face? Maybe it'd make you beautiful on the inside, or at least seal your air hole closed to shut you up.'' He shot back at her. The girl stiffened, narrowing her eyes at her companion.

''Fuck your mum, oh wait your mum's dead.'' Santana snarled. Everyone gasped at that insult, looking between the two in sympathy and chastisement. Finn and Kurt were especially horrified. Both had lost a parent before and knew how painful it was, but Harry just flipped the girl off.

''Whatever, just because your parents don't love you doesn't mean you have to sass the deceased. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from a condom factory, just accept it and move on.'' He sneered.

''That's your opinion. I'd like to share it, but I don't think that I can get my head that far up my own ass.'' Santana sniped. Harry smirked at her, whilst absently draping his arms around Blaine's neck, pulling the other boy flush against him.

''Hmm you're starting to sound like a human being, I should probably increase my prozac intake.'' He idly considered.

''If you think that it'll cure the spread of cancer in your soul then go ahead. But I'd personally recommend standing about an inch closer to the razor next time you shave, it's a miracle cure.'' Santana advised him, watching the boy as he practically hung off the confused and awkward looking warbler.

''You seem off your game today, Brittany could come up with better insults than that. And she spent three hours staring at a juice bottle because it said 'concentrate' on the label.'' Harry noted.

''Hey don't diss Brittany!'' She warned, flexing her long nailed fingers threateningly.

''Do you two fight like this a lot?'' Finn wondered, since the pair usually seemed inseparable. They both stared at him, with incomprehension clear on their faces.

''Fight? This is foreplay.'' Santana informed him. Those words brought to mind images that Finn wasn't sure that he enjoyed all that much. The Latina smirked nastily and glanced at Harry, where she paused.

''Actually _that's_ foreplay.'' She amended, pointing at Blaine who was currently having his throat nuzzled by the overly affectionate Brit.

Harry inhaled and swiped his tongue along the length of the warblers neck. He then pulled back, eyeing the other boy curiously.

''How are you still a virgin, when you're so hot?'' Harry queried. Blaine if possible flushed even harder.

''You can determine that just by licking me?'' Blaine asked him, sounding honestly curious.

''Sure, it's a lot like smelling fear.'' Harry confirmed, before scenting the air and glancing around. ''Speaking of scents, I no longer detect the odour of man flab and inadequacy, where's Hudson?''

Santana snarled. ''He's gone? Did that yeti seriously just pull one over on us?'' Looking around and not seeing him amongst the assembled warblers, Harry pouted. His prey had escaped him because he let himself get distracted. This. Would. Not. Stand.

''Come Santana, we shall fetch my lasso and cattle prod. And then we have a pillsbury doughboy to hunt. I shall summon the hounds!'' Harry followed his statement by pulling out a torch, with some sort of filter over the lens. He pointed it out of the window, despite it being broad daylight, and turned it on.

Before anyone could question his actions a crash of shattering glass sounded, as a white blur barrelled through one of the choir room's windows. A snowy owl swept majestically into the room, clipping a pair of warblers with her wings, before alighting gracefully on Harry's shoulder. If that wasn't bizarre enough, it also came complete with a pair of fake bat ears attached to it's head and a black domino mask over her eyes. The boy reached up and softly stroked her feathers, ignoring the looks being sent his way by the resident glee club.

''Okay girl, we need you to find Finn's scent.'' Harry ordered. The owl stared at him blankly.

''Finn.'' Harry repeated. Hedwig cocked her head curiously to the side.

''You know, the one whose drumsticks you stole and put in a bucket of water with an electrical current running through it?'' He elaborated. The birds amber eyes widened in recognition, and after a moments contemplation she took off with a hoot, making her way out into the hallway.

''So it begins.'' Santana ominously intoned. ''Hopefully Brittany is still in the car.''

Harry watched the girl as she strutted from the room, with numerous eyes glued to the extra sway in her hips. He glanced back at Blaine, who was still held flush against him by Harry's grabby hands.

''I can't play right now.'' Harry told him forlornly, as he reached into Blaine's back pocket, ignoring the boy's yelp of surprise. He extracted the warblers phone and deftly put his number into the list of contacts.

''There we go. Next time you feel the need to jerk it whilst gazing upon my glorious visage, just give me a call.'' Harry offered him, before giving his face a final lick. ''You taste awesome by the way.''

With that parting compliment the green eyed boy all but skipped from the room, without giving anyone else a second glance. Blaine stared after him somewhat dazed and a lot turned on. He just got felt up by a British model in a cheerleading outfit, and got his phone number out of it. Awesome.

''What the hell just happened here?'' Kurt demanded, his voice rising to a shriek. His question was rhetorical, but Blaine couldn't help but think that it was somehow directed at him. His friend sounded almost accusing for some reason. Weird.

''I think i'm in love.'' Blaine blurted out.

**AN/ How was this? Likeable? By the way, the end of this chapter doesn't mean that Harry will be paired with Blaine, he'd just giving him a good old fashioned mind fucking. Review please, and feel free to make requests!**


	5. Coffee with Spice

**AN/ I'm back baby. I kind of love you guys, you're all awesome! So anyway, here's the new chapter. After this things are going to start gaining a bit of a serious and dramatic flair, when we begin finding out more about Harry and why he is the way he is. But don't worry the humour will still remain consistent.**

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Glee belong to mean people who won't share with me. But i'm damn well going to play with their toys.**

* * *

''Okay guys, it's time to finalize our set list for Sectionals!'' Mr Schuester announced, as he strode into the room.

At his announcement the members of New Directions gazed back at him with their usual variety of expressions, ranging from excited(Rachel), vacant(Brittany), bored(Puck), disdainful(Santana) and...

''Harry, why are you wearing a Cheerios uniform?'' The teacher abruptly asked, as his eyes came to rest on the British student. He was confused and a little apprehensive that their newest member was wearing the ensemble of one of Sue's drones.

''Because I joined the squad. Coach Sylvester asked me, and proved to be very persuasive. Charming woman, but she could use some work on her people skills.'' The boy commented, idly examining Rachel's latest fashion disaster.

''I have to ask you Berry, how the hell do you manage to look like both a brain damaged toddler and alzheimers afflicted grandma at the same time?'' Harry asked her. ''Because that whole cradle to grave look is as baffling as it is eye gauging.''

The self proclaimed diva promptly fixed him with an offended look, but the boy wasn't even looking at her anymore.

''Harry, be nice to Rachel.'' Mr Schue scolded him. Harry snorted in response.

''You wish! People get one chance with me, and that banshee blew it when she sent me to a damn crack house. Especially since it wasn't even a good one, the stuff they were selling barely gave me a buzz.'' The boy said, bringing incredulous expressions to those around him.

''What did you say?'' The teacher demanded.

''I asked what the plan for Sectionals was sir.'' Harry told him, smiling sweetly.

William narrowed his eyes at the dark haired boy, but the teen didn't even flinch at the look. The man mentally sighed and decided to move on. He had quickly learned that it was best to ignore his new students little quirks.

''Okay then. After talking with Miss Pillsbury, It's come to my attention that I may not have been show casing this clubs full potential.'' Mr Schuester began. ''And so in the spirit of fairness, I thought I'd give some of you the chance to show us what you've got.''

Rachel leapt to her feet. ''Mr Schuester, i'm not sure if I follow you. Are you suggesting that Finn and I perform something more unconventional?''

Santana turned to fix the other girl with a look of contempt.

''He's _suggesting_ that it's about damn time someone else had a shot at the spotlight hobbit.'' She sniped. Rachel blinked uncomprehendingly.

''I don't understand.'' She said, voicing her confusion.

''Rachel, you and Finn won't be doing a duet for this competition. I thought that some of the others might enjoy the opportunity instead.'' The teacher explained sternly.

''What!'' Rachel shrieked, causing the others to cover their ears in pain. ''Mr Schuester, that's insane! Our key to victory is to demonstrate my unmatched vocal abilities, complemented by Finn's exceptional baritone!''

''Yeah Mr Schue, you don't take out your star players right before the big game.'' Finn chipped in arrogantly.

''Please Jolly Green Giant, like your even that good.'' Harry sneered. ''You may be somewhat talented but Artie or I could run circles around you, which given how far your boobs stick out and the fact that Artie can't even run is quite a feat.''

Finn glared ineffectually, as the green eyed boy leaned over to give Artie a fist bump, but he didn't dare talk back to him.

''Harry, be nice.'' Mr Schue warned him again, although he was unsure if the boy knew the definition of that particular word. Harry waved him off in a vague sign of acquiescence, which was probably the best he would get.

''So, what song am I gonna sing?'' Mercedes demanded.

''Actually, I was thinking that the winners of our duet competition might want to give it a shot.'' The teacher offered, looking at Sam and Quinn beseechingly.

''Hey that's no fair, I wasn't here for that!'' Puck protested, conveniently leaving out that he was in juvie at the time for stealing an ATM.

Several of the others raised their objections, particularly Rachel who claimed that the voting was rigged and she and Finn had thrown the competition. Will let them rant for a minute before demanding their attention again.

''Okay that's enough. No one else will be getting a second shot. Puck I'd like to give you one, but that would mean giving someone else a second opportunity as well, since you'd need a partner.'' Mr Schuester said apologetically.

''That's okay then, because i'm pretty sure that I wasn't here for your little contest either.'' Harry spoke up, much to the teachers surprise. '' Puck and I will put something together and if you like it more than what the others did, then we'll perform it at sectionals.''

William thought that Harry's reasoning was sound. After all, the whole point of this was to give everyone a chance, so Puck and Harry should be allowed to have theirs. He wasn't sure what the two boys would come up with, but he was interested in seeing what they'd produce.

Puck flashed the dark haired boy a broad grin. Working with Harry was sure to be entertaining, but the two of them would have to come up with something seriously kick ass to get that duet spot. It was about time that Mr Schue started letting the rest of them show their stuff, and he intended to bring his A-game.

''Okay then. I'll give you guys a couple of days to rehearse whatever you decide on doing, then you can show it to us at the next meeting.'' The teacher agreed.

Puck whooped in excitement and darted over to give his new partner an enthusiastic bear hug. He lifted the smaller boy completely out of his seat and squeezed, trying to playfully crush him. Harry however did some squeezing of his own, causing Puck to drop him with a yelp.

''Did you just grab my ass?'' The muscled teen demanded. Harry smirked at him roguishly.

''Yep! Sorry about that, but I've been thinking about it since we were in the shower yesterday.'' The Brit shamelessly admitted.

''You guys were in the shower together?'' Finn blurted, his eyes wide with shock.

Puck was about to deny it, or at least inform everybody that Harry had his clothes on at the time, but the looks on everyone's faces made it impossible to resist teasing them.

''And what if we were?'' He smirked, pulling Harry towards him by his belt loops. Finn looked like he was about to have a seizure.

''_Wanky_.'' Santana purred approvingly.

''Boy kisses are totally hot.'' Brittany agreed.

''Well yeah, if the boys in question look like _that_.'' Tina pointed out, gesturing towards the pair, where Harry now had his arms wrapped around Puck's neck. The larger boy was starting to look a bit nervous at the other's close proximity.

''Aww, what's wrong Puckerman? Can't you handle a bit of teasing?'' Harry whispered into his ear. Puck glanced over at Finn, and seeing the taller teens expression was more than enough incentive to go along with it.

''I can take anything you dish out green eyes.'' He murmured huskily, bringing their faces closer together and trying desperately not to laugh.

''Ugh, stop it already. We all know you're not gay Puck. Just because Harry's immoral doesn't mean you should let him drag your reputation down.'' Quinn snapped peevishly.

She'd been called into Coach Sylvester's office that morning and bluntly informed that Harry was the new Cheerios captain. Apparently because he was such an excellent gymnast and dancer, that made him more suitable for the role. It was an outrage! Quinn was just getting her life back. She was dating the new quarterback, she was head cheerleader again. And Harry had ruined that. Mr Schue had almost given her and Sam the Sectionals duet, and the raven haired boy was probably going to take that as well, it was infuriating.

''Are you saying that same sex relationships are immoral?'' Harry queried icily, shoving Puck out of his way and advancing on the blonde.

''No. I may be religious, but I believe that god made people like Kurt for a reason. I'm saying that _you're_ immoral.'' She sneered.

''You're one to talk preggo.'' Harry retorted. The girl stiffened at that particular insult. She was doing everything she could to move passed that ordeal, but it was difficult when people kept bringing it up.

''I'll have you know that I've been reinstated as president of the celibacy club!'' Quinn snarled defensively. She may have lost control and given up her virginity, but she was determined to let people know that she was back to a life of chastity.

''What's that?'' Harry asked her curiously. He knew what celibacy was ofcourse, but he wasn't sure what it had to do with a school club.

''Seriously? It's a gathering of students that have the morality and restraint to not have sex.'' Quinn informed his snidely.

''Holy shit! What kind of reward do they give you guys to get you to do that?'' Harry asked her in horrified awe.

''They don't give you anything. It's a personal choice that requires maturity and restraint!'' She declared pompously.

Harry's jaw dropped, his face growing pale with shock.

''You mean you just _choose_ not to have sex? And you don't even get anything out of it? What kind of school is this?'' Harry demanded, looking around accusingly. ''I mean you might be a frigid bitch, but you're still hot. Why the hell don't you want to fuck anyone?''

Harry paused, ignoring Quinn's outraged expression at his crude language. He eyed her thoughtfully, before switching his gaze to Puck who'd been watching the confrontation warily.

''Is Puckerman really so bad in the sack, that he actually scared you off of getting laid ever again?'' He asked her, sounding genuinely sympathetic. ''Because if that's the case then you should really play the field a bit. I'm sure Sam's a decent lay, if his mouth is any indication, so at least try some oral or something!''

Harry's advice caused Sam and Quinn to flush bright red, Puck however sputtered indignantly.

''Dude, I'm an awesome lay! I can fuck like nobody's business!'' The muscular boy protested.

''Prove it.'' Harry retorted, shrugging carelessly.

Puck quickly grew flustered when Mercedes and Tina started giggling at him, so he turned to Santana for help.

''San, tell this heathen that i'm awesome in the sack!'' He pleaded with her. The Latina eyed him thoughtfully, as she carefully considered if doing so would be to her benefit.

''No comment.'' She finally replied.

''What? I'm awesome! I'm a fucking machine!'' Puck claimed, looking around for someone to back him up. He wheeled on Harry, glaring at him sullenly.

''How do we know that you're not bad in bed?'' He asked triumphantly.

''Oh hell no, Harry's all kinds of awesome.'' Santana instantly refuted. ''He dishes out orgasms like a paedophile gives candy to trick or treaters.''

''He can hold his breath for a really long time.'' Brittany chipped in helpfully.

Everyone turned to stare at Harry who didn't seem to be moved by their endorsement of his sexual prowess.

''Dude, remind me never to take my brother or sister trick or treating to Harry's place.'' Sam asked after a moment of silence.

''Whatever, more candy for the rest of us.'' Tina quipped, smiling lasciviously.

''Tina!'' Mike protested, though his lips quirked slightly in amusement.

''This is unfair! How come you backed him up?'' Puck questioned Santana peevishly.

''Because I felt like it.'' She bluntly informed him, making it clear that it was the end of the matter.

Harry chuckled, bringing Puck's attention back to him. The jock glared at the newly instated cheerleader.

''I'm awesome.'' He insisted once again, stomping his foot childishly.

''Prove it.'' Harry singsonged as he made his way to the door. Puck seized the other boys arm as he attempted to walk passed him.

''How the hell am I supposed to do that?'' He demanded.

Harry looked him in the eyes, an evil expression creeping across his face. He leant forward into Puck's personal space, making the larger boy lean away from him instinctively. Fortunately Harry merely brought his lips to his ear, in order to whisper something. Whatever he said actually caused Puck to blush bright red, with his jaw going slack in shock.

''Satan, Angelcake, let's hit the road. If I don't get an infusion of high quality caffeine soon, then i'm going to resort to drastic measures.'' Harry commanded. Santana and Brittany obediently rose from their seats and stepped up on either side of him, linking their arms together.

''Okay, but you're buying.'' Santana informed him.

''Wait, we haven't finished the meeting yet!'' Mr Schuester protested. Having been talking to Brad the piano man, he hadn't paid much attention to the drama of the past few minutes.

''Irrelevant.'' Harry snapped dismissively. ''You can't plan for the right group performance or corresponding solo, until you know for certain what sort of duet will be performed.''

The teacher had to admit that the boy had a point.

''Alright then. But if you're leaving then you have to work on ideas for Sectionals!''Mr Schue told them, grudgingly agreeing.

''Outstanding.'' Harry enthused. ''See you bitches later. And Finn, if you keep glaring at the back of my head, then i'll hang you up by your ankles in the meat freezer again.''

With that final warning the trio of cheerleaders swept majestically from the room, leaving everyone in silence.

''How did you get out of that freezer anyway?'' Artie asked Finn curiously. The taller boy shuddered in remembrance.

''Harry posted pictures of it along with all the details on Facebook. My mum and Burt managed to figure out where I was. Harry said that his tendency to brag on the internet is his greatest weakness.'' Finn explained woefully.

Puck stared at where the new and improved unholy trinity had disappeared. Harry's whispered words were swimming through his brain, conjuring up images that made him feel an uncomfortable mixture of confused and aroused. Say what you like about Harry, but that boy was a first class mind fucker. Puck decided that it was time to go home and do a little research on the other boy. He'd been here for weeks and no one really knew anything about him. There was sure to be something on the internet.

Puck didn't consider that he might not like what he found, or that there was a lot more to Harry James Potter than met the eye. But he was definitely going to regret finding out the gruesome details.

* * *

''I'm starting to think that Puckerman might be immune to my charms.'' Harry observed, as he drove towards the Lima Bean, the best coffee shop that the miserable little town had to offer.

''Nah. I'd give it a month at the most, before you two are breaking headboards together.'' Santana disagreed. The girl was currently fiddling with his ipod, trying to find appropriate music for her current mood.

''Put on some Pop!'' Brittany requested eagerly, leaning forwards between the two front seats. Santana grudgingly complied with the blondes request and set the device to random after selecting the appropriate genre. When the music started up she quickly opened her mouth to protest, but she was drowned out by her companions bursting into song.

_''Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,'' -_Brittany

_''So tell me what you want, what you really really want,''-_Harry

Santana stared at them in mounting horror as the pair enthusiastically belted out the lyrics.

_''I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,''_-Brittany

_''I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,''-_Harry

_''I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really  
really really wanna zigazig ha.''-_Brittany/Harry

''Stop it! Why the hell is this even on your ipod?'' The raven haired girl snapped demandingly.

_''If you want my future forget my past,''-Harry_

''You know when you go on a date and you discover that you can't stand the person, but they're totally in to you?'' Harry questioned, to which Santana nodded hesitantly. ''This is the music that I play on the drive home.''

_'If you wanna get with me better make it fast,''-Brittany_

Santana's eyes widened in realisation. That settled it. Harry was a diabolical genius. It also explained why he said that he didn't bother with really camp guys, after all why the hell would the Spice Girls scare off a flaming homo? And with those thoughts in mind she threw caution to the wind.

_''Now don't go wasting my precious time,''-Harry  
''Get your act together we could be just fine.''-Santana_

Harry grinned at his friend as she finally joined the insanity. Crazy was definitely contagious. As their voices rose again for the chorus, Harry lowered the roof of the car, attracting the attention of the surrounding motorists and pedestrians, gaining them looks of amusement and annoyance. Oh the joys of music.

''You're totally Scary Spice.'' Harry opined, looking at Santana in amusement.

''Who am I?'' Brittany begged excitedly, her head popping up directly beside his own.

''Baby Spice ofcourse.'' He informed her, grinning at her pleased squeal. Santana narrowed her eyes at him and smirked, leading him to believe that nothing good was about to come out of her mouth.

''Posh Spice.'' She hissed at him, smiling victoriously. Harry gaped at her.

''I'm a guy! Quinn should be Posh Spice.'' He protested, over the sound of the two girls laughter.

''Sorry babe. But you've been named, so live with the shame.'' Santana quipped.

''Screw you Scary.'' Harry retorted.

''Bite me _Posh_.'' She shot back.

''No thanks, I don't make a habit of eating shit.'' He sneered.

''You guys are fighting again.'' Brittany pointed out from the back seat.

''Ofcourse we're not sweetheart. We're just teasing each other.'' Harry soothed her. ''How about we stop for ice-cream after we grab coffee?'' He then asked appeasingly.

''Can I have two scoops?'' Brittany pleaded, her bottom lip sticking out in a pout.

''No, you'll ruin your appetite.'' Santana chided her, causing the blonde's expression to fall.

''A little bit of ice-cream won't hurt her.'' Harry refuted. ''You can have as many scoops as you want sweetie.'' He said, causing Brittany to brighten up once again.

''Don't undermine me in front of her!'' Santana snapped, scowling at the dark haired boy.

''I wasn't undermining you, you were being unreasonable. Can we save the argument for after she's gone to bed?'' Harry asked her, before suddenly noticing movement from the corner of his eye.

During the course of their brief conversation they had paused at a traffic light. The people in the car next to theirs were staring at them through open mouths, whether it was because of their choice of music or their conversation Harry wasn't sure. The man and woman in the front of the vehicle continued to stare unabashedly, whilst the two young children in the back were practically hanging out of the window.

''What the fuck are you looking at? Have you never seen a woman with tits before?'' Santana snarled, when she saw what had caught Harry's attention.

The woman in the car flushed with outrage, when her husband suddenly seemed to notice the cheerleader's rather impressive bust.

''Hey bald patch, eyes on the road! Try a little less staring and a little more pissing off.'' Harry barked.

''Yeah, piss off!'' Brittany brightly chipped in.

''Watch your language.'' The other two teens scolded in unison, turning to pin the blonde with their accusing eyes.

There was a sudden screech of rubber as the other car peeled away from them, with the two gaping children still staring out of the back window. Harry promptly flipped them off.

''Some people are so fucking rude.'' Santana grumbled, watching the car drive away. Harry nodded in agreement, as the light turned green and they started moving again.

_''If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,''-Brittany_

* * *

After a long day of classes and rehearsals, Blaine and some of the other warblers had decided that they deserved a trip out for coffee. Kurt was ofcourse enthusiastic to be spending time with his crush outside of practice, and he was looking forward to talking with a few of his other team mates. Having been at his new school for a few weeks, he hadn't had much opportunity to get to know the others apart from in glee club.

As Blaine led the group into the Lima Bean, which was their coffee shop of choice, they noted that it wasn't especially busy. It was easy to get a table for five. Blaine sat on the outside, with Jeff next to him. Opposite Blaine was Kurt, who's been quick to snag the seat, much to the others private amusement. Beside Kurt was Wesley, with David sat on his other side at the end of the table between him and Jeff. They'd just received their coffee orders, and to Kurt's displeasure the subject had instantly turned to college football. He was just about to attempt to turn the conversation in a different direction, when the door to the coffee shop slammed open and singing filled the air.

_''If you wanna be my lover, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta,  
you gotta, you gotta, slam, slam, slam, slam  
Slam your body down and wind it all around.  
Slam your body down and wind it all around.  
Slam your body down and wind it all around.  
Slam your body down zigazig ah  
If you wanna be my lover.''_

The place fell completely silent as three forms clad in red and white stormed into the building, singing the well known Spice Girls song. The warblers quickly recognised one of the girls and the boy that was with them. It was the pair that had crashed their rehearsal, two days previously. According to Kurt the dark haired girl was Santana Lopez, a very talented singer and a member of New Directions. Kurt hadn't known who the boy was, but he assumed he was a new member. He didn't think they had anything to worry about from him though, as the club already had all of the best singers at McKinley. Finn and Rachel would be the ones to beat at Sectionals.

As the trio entered, their enthusiastic singing came to an end. They walked casually towards the counter, uncaring of the silence around them. As they passed a pair of teenage boys, one of them sneered at Harry, eyeing his cheerleading uniform as he walked by. The comment he made was easily heard in the relative silence.

''Fag.'' He muttered condescendingly.

Kurt and Blaine both gasped in outrage at the utterance of the slur, but Harry didn't even turn to look at the boy as he kicked backwards with his foot. Harry's boot collided with the boys coffee cup, dumping the boiling hot liquid into the teenagers face.

''Ah! My eyes! My fucking eyes!'' The boy screeched in agony, falling to his knees.

''Hmm, I think i'm going to get something with a sickening amount of sugar and whipped cream.'' Harry decided, as he eyed the menu of selections on the board above the cashiers head, completely ignoring the screaming teen behind him.

''The fact you can eat and drink all that sugar and not get fat, makes me feel physically sick with rage.'' Santana told him sullenly, as she kicked the sobbing boy behind her when he groped blindly at her ankle.

''Haters gonna hate.'' Harry said simply.

Noise in the coffee shop resumed, as several people rushed forward to help the injured teenager tend to his burned face. A man wearing the Lima Bean's required uniform, came stomping out from the back room, having been fetched by a concerned waitress.

''What the hell is going on here?'' He barked, glaring at the three Cheerios accusingly.

Harry turned to look at the man who dared to directly address him, but he brightened when he caught sight of his uniform.

''Ah, excellent! A servant. Just what we needed.'' Harry chirped. ''Bring us hot caffeinated beverages, post haste!'' He demanded, snapping his fingers twice in quick succession, directly in the managers face.

The brawny man blinked in outrage, his face quickly turning purple with anger. Before he could explode however Harry cut him off.

''What are you deaf? If we die of dehydration whilst waiting upon your incompetence, then i'm so going to sue this miserable hole in the wall.'' The green eyed boy sneered.

The manager faltered slightly at talk of suing. He glanced at his waitress uncertainly, wondering if she'd exaggerated the altercation that she'd informed him of.

''I should probably sue you anyway, I mean look at this boy here!'' Harry complained, whilst gesturing to the now silent burn victim. ''He's clearly in agony due to your unsafe beverage containers.''

Harry glanced at the boy when he remained silent, but quickly stomped on his hand, bringing another wail of pain. ''See? He's seriously injured. And he now probably has a broken hand. I hope your happy with yourself.'' Harry said accusingly.

The manager sputtered, desperately trying to think of a way to handle the situation.

''I-I'm very sorry sir.'' He stuttered. ''How can we make it up to you?''

''Fetching drinks for my companions and I, would be a good start. Free of charge ofcourse.'' Harry informed him snidely.

''O-Ofcourse. And what would you and the ladies like?'' The man inquired meekly. Harry eyed him with disdain.

''You call yourself a coffee slave? You're supposed to anticipate your masters needs! Now go!'' Harry commanded. ''And so help me, for every time you guess the order incorrectly I shall strike you with one of the place mats.''

The manager wisely didn't argue. Some people just had that 'Fuck with me and i'll ruin you' vibe. And that boy definitely had it. The cheerleaders watched the man go, with various expressions of disdain upon their faces.

''He smelled weird.'' Brittany pointed out.

''That was fear darling.'' Harry informed her.

''It certainly was.'' Santana agreed. ''Great, now i'm turned on.''

The nearby warblers observed the drama before them with a mixture of awe and terror. They were pretty sure that people like that weren't supposed to exist.

''Does anyone have a crucifix?'' Jeff whispered hesitantly.

''Please, as if your meagre holy symbols hold any sway over me.'' Harry declared mockingly. Jeff jumped a good foot in the air, at the sudden appearance of the boy standing behind him. He whipped round to face him, clutching his racing heart.

''How the hell do you do that?'' Nick demanded.

''It's a gift.'' Santana informed him from where she was now sprawled across David's legs. The boy squealed in shock, having no idea how the girl had ended up on his lap.

''Seriously, what the hell?'' The senior warbler blurted incredulously. ''That's impossible.''

''It's not impossible.'' Santana denied. ''As long as you're so badass that reality bends to your will, then anything's achievable.''

The group stared at her, unsure if she was being serious or not.

''What are you doing here Santana?'' Kurt inquired.

''It's a coffee shop, what do you think we're doing?'' She scathingly replied.

Kurt was about to retort when a movement across the table captured his attention. For a moment he thought that Blaine had turned around in his seat, showing Kurt his back. Then he abruptly realised that it wasn't Blaine's back he was looking at. It was Harry's. The dark haired Brit, was straddling the warbler, his legs on either side of him. They were face to face, with Blaine looking equal parts flustered and curious, whilst Harry looked rather hungry. After a moment of the two boys staring at one another, whilst everyone else looked on at the scene, Harry finally spoke up.

''I hope that they give me extra whipped cream, so that I can dip you in it.'' The male cheerleader bluntly informed him.

Blaine stared back at him. The other boy's close proximity and general position was making it very difficult to form coherent thoughts. It was very disconcerting to have a boy, whose picture you've jerked off to, sitting on your lap without a care in the world. This was only his second interaction with the green eyed boy, but if what he'd just seen was how Harry reacted to homophobes then he could only assume that he had a very unique approach to life. And he found that uniqueness interesting.

Ever since he'd come to Dalton after he was attacked, Blaine had slowly become more and more confident in himself. And he could now proudly say that he was assertive and self assured. But seeing someone like Harry in action, made him wonder if he even knew the definition of those words. If there were two things that Blaine truly admired, it was courage and self assurance. People who had the guts to do what they wanted and not care about what anyone else thought of them. These were things that he liked about Kurt, but even he had regular moments of uncertainty and would come to Blaine for guidance. But Harry seemed almost like a force of nature. There was something in his impossibly emerald eyes that practically oozed confidence. Blaine may have matured and undergone personal growth, but he still cared a lot about what people thought of him. Which was evidenced by the way he conformed and held back around his fellow warblers. He hadn't done anything to change that fact, but he couldn't help but wonder if the boy sat astride him might be helpful in that regard.

''What's your name again?'' Harry prompted, looking at him thoughtfully.

''Blaine. My name's Blaine.'' He answered, smiling slightly.

''Cool. You should totally ask me out after we trounce you at Sectionals.''

Before Blaine could respond to that particular comment, or Kurt could throw a hissy fit, they were interrupted when at that moment the manager approached the table, bearing a tray of drinks. He briefly eyed Harry and Blaine's position with disapproval, but didn't make a comment.

''Here's your coffee.'' The man muttered sourly. Harry immediately perked up, reaching for one of the three cups that was topped with liberal amounts of cream and chocolate sprinkles. He immediately took a deep swig, moaning happily at the taste. When he lowered the cup again he slowly licked his lips, ridding them of any lingering sweetness. Blaine stared at the action entranced, whilst desperately hoping that he didn't get a boner.

''Mmm, this is delicious.'' Harry complimented the server. The man smirked smugly, but the look was wiped off of his face when Harry snatched up a place mat and struck him around the head, creating a tremendous slapping sound.

''Unfortunately it's not what I wanted. Make it again!'' The boy commanded imperiously.

Yep. If there was one thing that Harry wasn't lacking, it was confidence.

**AN/ How was that? Hopefully it was good. What will Puck find out about Harry? What will they do for a duet? Who will win Sectionals? Find out next time on this badly formulated piece of fiction!**


	6. Revelations and Disguises

**AN/ I'm really not sure about how this chapter turned out, but I wanted to hurry up so I can get to sectionals in the next chapter. Hopefully it's not too shabby. You guys be the judge of how much I suck.**

**At the end of this chapter is the first request that I received from someone. I hope it's enjoyable, because I had fun writing it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any elements contained within this screwed up tale of idiocy.**

* * *

Another day of school done, and safely in the past. It was always nice to go home and chill after a long tiring day of sleeping through classes and wailing on nerds. Puck liked having some time to himself, especially after the cluster fuck that glee club usually turned out to be.

''Is that you Noah, honey?''

Puck paused as he entered his house. His mother usually left him to his own devices, so the fact that she was calling him meant that something must have happened. He turned to close the front door behind him, before answering his mother's call.

''Yeah ma, It's me!'' He hollered back, as he made his way to the stairs.

''Oh good! By the way, your friend arrived a little early so I told him to wait in your room.'' She loudly informed him.

Puck paused again at hearing that. What friend? He hadn't arranged to have anyone over. Not that he could remember anyway. And his ma definitely wasn't the sort of parent that would just let somebody nose around his bedroom, even if she knew them. So who the hell was waiting for him?

''Okay, thanks ma.'' Puck called as he began ascending the stairs. Whoever decided to just barge into his crib, was about to get a rude awakening. He stomped up the steps towards his bedroom door, which was the first one on the landing, with a scowl on his face.

The self proclaimed badass was fully prepared to give whoever had invaded his personal space a severe tongue lashing, right up until he shoved the door open and saw exactly who it was. For a moment Puck could only stare at the sight before him.

It was Harry. The shorter boy was propped up on Puck's bed, laying on his stomach. That wasn't particularly surprising, as he'd already expected to find somebody in the room. What _was_ surprising, was the fact that the shorter boy was wearing Puck's bath robe. And judging by his bare legs, the dark haired teenager wasn't wearing much underneath it. Harry didn't even look up to acknowledge the larger boy's presence when he entered, he just continued laying there idly looking through...

''Dude, are you looking at my porn? While wearing my bath robe?'' Puck demanded rhetorically.

''Yep! I'm surprised that this magazine is so well used, given how promiscuous you are.'' Harry replied cheerfully, as he continued skimming though the pages.

''What...you...'' Puck sputtered. ''You can't just come in here and make yourself at home!'' He protested.

''Aww, but your bed's so comfy! Care to join me?'' Harry purred invitingly, patting the covers next to him. Puck narrowed his eyes, silently giving his answer to that particular question.

''Your loss.'' Harry told him, shrugging uncaringly.

''Is there a reason that you're here?'' Puck queried exasperatedly, deciding to get to the heart of the matter. Bantering with Harry would just make him feel stupid and violated, so he decided to skip it. The green eyed boy grinned at his question, and carelessly tossed his pornography aside.

''I came to rehearse with you ofcourse. Your lovely mother was kind enough to let me in.'' Harry informed him. That made sense at least, since they still had to put their duet together and everything. But he had no idea how the Brit had managed to sweet talk his mom. Evil hypnosis maybe?

''And you're wearing my bathrobe because?'' The larger teen questioned.

''Because you wear this thing whilst naked, and i'm kinky like that.'' Harry answered honestly.

''Somehow that almost sounded acceptable coming out of your mouth..._almost_'' Puck teased him.

''There's very little that I do with my mouth that _is_ acceptable. But just because it isn't acceptable, doesn't mean that you won't enjoy it.'' Harry shot back, smirking roguishly.

''Is that a fact?'' The larger boy wondered.

''More like a prediction.'' Harry told him, stretching out languidly on the bed.

Puck's treacherous eyes scanned the other boys lithe form as he flexed out his stiff muscles. He sternly chastised himself for looking and tried to pull his gaze away, but judging by the stare Harry fixed him with, the green eyed teen was well aware of what he'd been doing.

''So shall we get busy?'' Harry asked him huskily.

''W-what? No! Puckasaurus don't bend that way!'' Puck hurriedly refused, almost wincing at his pathetic stutter. Harry laughed at his response, causing him to bristle indignantly at his mockery.

''I meant shall we get busy with the project. But it's nice to know the first thing your mind jumps to.'' The Brit told him amusedly.

Puck mentally groaned. He hated that Harry seemed to be able to throw him off balance so easily. He was like some kind of mind ninja or something. It was kind of annoying, but it was hard to get mad at Harry when he was laying on his bed with his come hither stare, whilst taking off his bathro...

''Dude!'' Puck whined, even as he quickly averted his eyes. Harry laughed even harder, prompting Puck to glance back at him. He scowled when he realised that the other boy hadn't even been naked beneath the robe, but had just rolled up his pant legs to create the illusion of it.

''You are so fucking evil.'' Puck growled in annoyance.

''Don't hate me coz you ain't me.'' Harry retorted, smirking superiorly.

Doing a duet together was beginning to look like more trouble than it was worth. Puck was pretty certain that he'd be on a prescription of prozac by the time they were done with this project.

''So...did you have any ideas about what we should do together?'' Puck inquired. Harry waggled his eyebrows at the question, prompting the larger boy to quickly correct himself. ''I meant for the duet, you crazy little perv.''

''Oh yeah. That thing.'' Harry noted in sudden remembrance. ''I already picked an awesome song. We just need to divide the lyrics and work on our harmonies. I'll handle the choreography.''

Usually Puck would be glad that someone else was doing most of the work for him, but he was wary of letting the green eyed boy control the entire performance. Who knows what he'd make them do?

''What song did you pick? It better not be some stupid show tune.'' Puck grumbled.

''Don't worry, i'm not particularly fond of show tunes.'' Harry assured him. ''I chose a song from my vast repertoire, that I thought would be entertaining and will best compliment our personalities.''

''What do our personalties have to do with anything?'' Puck wondered. Harry sighed exasperatedly.

''When a song fits with you on a more personal level, then you emote better when you perform. Which makes you more interesting to watch.'' The green eyed boy patiently explained. ''Take Rachel and Mercedes as examples. Rachel produces every note perfectly and acts exactly as the song requires. But she doesn't necessarily feel what she's singing, she's just a capable actress. Mercedes however pours pure soul and emotion into every note that she belts out, and she generally sings songs from the same niche, because she can relate to the lyrics and the artist a lot better.''

Puck processed that. He got what Harry was saying. Just singing any old song because you can hit the right notes and put on the right expression, wouldn't be as good as a performance where you actually felt what you were doing.

''Okay i'll bite. What did you have in mind?'' Puck asked him.

''Well, since we're doing a duet, I had to pick something that fit both of us. In this case it meant finding qualities we both possess and selecting a song to compliment them. For example we're both aggressively confident and overtly sexual, so I simply chose something to emphasize those traits.'' Harry told him,with a self satisfied smile.

''So what did you pick?'' Puck finally demanded, getting annoyed that Harry was skirting the question.

When he told Puck what they'd be performing, the jock actually laughed. Not because it was unbelievable, but because it was going to be completely off the hook. He couldn't wait to show it at Sectionals

''So how inappropriate are we going to make this?'' Puck questioned gleefully.

''I come bearing leather pants.'' Harry said, by way of an answer. He leaned over the side of the bed and reached into a bag that Puck had failed to notice. After he pulled out what he expected Puck to wear, the larger boy actually felt slightly self conscious.

''Santana told me your measurements. No need to thank me, forcing you to wear these things is it's own reward.'' The Brit declared.

* * *

_Two days later_

''Holy crap.'' Tina muttered, her eyes wide in awe. Mercedes made a few unintelligible noises of agreement, as the two of them continued to stare at the pair of boys at the front of the room.

''So, what did you guys think?'' Puck asked their fellow glee club members. The duet partners were standing before the group, still panting slightly from their combined efforts.

Santana grinned lasciviously at the question, making her thoughts on the matter abundantly clear.

''I think that you two just fried my brain and melted my puss-''

''Santana!'' Miss Pillsbury scolded, cutting the girl off part way through her crude statement. The guidance counsellor had been invited to watch the performance by Mr Schuester, in his latest pathetic attempt to woo her. The poor woman looked equal parts flustered and horrified by what she'd just witnessed.

''Whilst Santana's words might be somewhat inappropriate, I must agree with the sentiment. That performance was very well done and extremely...titillating.'' Rachel spoke up, with a light blush on her face.

''We've moistened Berry's granny panties, my work here is done.'' Harry snarked.

''Harry!'' Mr Schuester snapped, with an edge of warning in his voice. The teacher was unsure of how to rate the song that Puck and Harry had just sung. It wasn't distastefully done, but he wasn't sure how a crowd and a panel of judges would react to it. Well, he knew how the _female_ portion of the crowd would react, if the looks on the glee girls faces was any indication.

''That was all kinds of awesome!'' Artie enthused, offering the two performers a fist bump, which they graciously accepted. The school guidance counsellor didn't look quite as enthusiastic however.

''I'm not so sure. You boys sang beautifully, but I think that the song choice and dance moves were a little too much.'' Miss Pillsbury offered hesitantly.

''I agree.'' Mr Schuester quickly followed, glancing at the woman to see her reaction.

''Please you're just saying that to get in that Golden Tamarin's good graces, so that she'll dump the hot dentist.'' Harry sneered, dismissing the teachers opinion as irrelevant and ignoring his expression of outrage.

''What's a Golden Tamarin?'' Sam queried curiously.

''Google search it, the resemblance is uncanny.'' Harry informed him, whilst gesturing at Miss Pillsbury.

''Okay, that's enough!'' Mr Schuester barked. ''Harry i'm sorry, but I just don't think that performance will go over well at Sectionals.''

The man gazed at the two boys, showing a mixed expression of stern and apologetic. Puck looked down, clearly disappointed at the man's refusal. The teacher went to continue with the meeting and declare that Sam and Quinn would be singing, but Harry was far from cowed.

''How would you know what would be considered entertaining? The reason that this club lost at regionals was because you used a series of ancient Journey songs and featured Finn and Rachel prominently for all three of them.'' Harry remarked cuttingly, bringing the educator's attention back to him.

''Your ideas are stagnant and boring! So if you think i'm going to stand here whilst you try using the same outdated methods that worked in your glory days, then you're as stupid as your hair is greasy.'' The Brit folded his arms and stared the teacher down, as his rant came to an end.

Mr Schuester looked furious. None of them had seen him look that angry since the Kurt fiasco, when he pushed forward the idea that they perform a Britney Spears number. In fact the teacher looked madder now than he did then.

''Harry, go and wait for me in the principals office!'' The man barked, pointing him towards the door. The club had fallen silent to watch the altercation, and were looking back and forth between the two of them with trepidation.

''How about you go outside and play a rousing game of 'hide and go fuck yourself'?'' Harry shot back, making Rachel gasp aloud at his audacity. Finn leapt to his feet, seeing an opportunity to help defend his favourite teacher and see that Harry got what was coming to him.

''Sit down, or i'll put you down.'' Harry snarled, causing Finn to immediately drop back into his seat without argument.

''You're completely out of line!'' Mr Schuester chastised him.

''Why? Because I disagree with you? Or because I actually know what i'm talking about? I didn't win two European championships through sheer dumb luck. I did it with hard work, preparation and moderate amounts of sabotage!'' The green eyed boy fired back, not giving an inch as he stared the educator down.

''Sabotage?'' Mike prompted, momentarily derailing the argument.

''One of the Italian choirs was _really_ good.'' Harry told them, by way of an explanation. Which coming from Harry made complete sense. Deciding to get back on topic, the Brit turned back to the club director and coolly addressed him.

''I propose that we put it to a vote. It's not fair that you let your own biased opinion dictate what the club should do. Especially since we're the ones doing the performing, whilst you just sit there with your fingers crossed.'' The dark haired boy declared, looking around imperiously.

''That sounds good to me.'' Puck chimed in, quickly agreeing.

''Totally. You might be finally giving us all a fair chance for solos, but that doesn't mean much if you don't let us have any input on what we perform.'' Santana added. Several of the others voiced their agreement, causing Mr Schuester to frown.

''Okay then. Those of you that think Puck and Harry should perform at Sectionals, raise your hands.'' Will asked them agreeably.

Puck, Harry, Santana, Brittany, Tina, Mike, Artie, Mercedes, Sam and Rachel raised there hands. Only Quinn and Finn kept them down. Quinn did so out of simple dislike for Harry. Finn did so out of dislike for Harry, lingering resentment for Puck and slight jealousy that someone else was taking command of _his_ team.

''Looks like the aye's have it.'' Harry pointed out smugly, given that only two had answered nay. Brittany started cautiously probing around her eyelids, with an expression of consternation.

''The eyes have what? Are they doing something?'' She asked Santana, sounding worried. The dark haired girl quickly reassured her that her eyeballs were not in fact sentient and that Harry was just being a dick.

Mr Schuster fought back a groan of frustration. But in the end the kids did have a point. It was up to them what they'd like to do for Sectionals. And maybe he was agreeing with Emma for the wrong reasons. He did think that the sexual nature of the dancing would need to be pulled back a bit though.

''Alright then, you and Puck can perform for Sectionals.'' He finally agreed.

Puck whooped loudly in excitement and pulled the shorter boy into a bone crushing hug. Ofcourse with Harry being Harry, he instantly started making the hug less appropriate, ignoring Puck's feeble attempts to escape his clutches.

''But Harry,'' Mr Schuester addressed him, gaining the boys attention from where he was sliding his hands up Puckerman's shirt, despite the larger boy's futile resistance. ''You've got detention with me tomorrow night, for your language and talking back to a teacher.''

''Ofcourse Sir, I don't know what came over me. I just get so passionate about show choir. I promise that it won't happen again, and i'll accept my punishment without complaint.'' Harry said sweetly, looking like the picture of innocence with his wide, sorrowful, emerald eyes.

* * *

_The next day, during Harry's detention._

Harry had briefly considered going to his detention and instigating a scenario, that he could use to sexually blackmail Mr William Schuester. Unfortunately he had received a summons from General Zodd, meaning that he was forced to attend to a council of the Legion of Doom. The note that Hedwig had delivered to him, simply left instructions to meet at the rendezvous point and to adorn an appropriate disguise. Given the fact that they had never even established a rendezvous point, Harry was left suitably confused as to where he was supposed to go.

Currently he was reclined upon a park bench, with his face smeared in black and white face paint. Complementing the look was a studded leather jacket, with a dog collar and a pair of loose leather pants.

''I love you Gene Simmons!'' A passing woman screamed. Harry raised his hand in the universal sign for 'Rock on' and waggled his tongue excessively, prompting the woman to scream even louder in fan-girlish delight.

''Good, you dressed incognito.'' A voice praised him. Turning to the person that had appeared next to him on the bench, he immediately recognised his aunt. The woman was adorned in a skimpy red one piece bathing suit, with a long platinum blonde wig and a pair of immeasurably large inflatable breasts.

''You summoned me?'' Harry prompted her, getting straight down to business. Before his aunt could answer him, a pair of teenage boys excitedly came running up to them. They paused and stared for a moment before finally speaking.

''Wow it's really...wait...are you really Pamela Anderson?'' One of the teens questioned, eyeing the disguised woman sceptically.

''I have big boobs and enjoy making poor quality sex tapes with hepatitis riddled drummers.'' Sue deadpanned scathingly.

''Wow, you really are Pamela Anderson!'' The second boy gasped in awe. ''Can I have your autograph?'' He pleaded.

''Contrary to popular belief, i'm a natural blonde. Meaning that signing my own name is beyond my literary capabilities. Now go and get me a Zima and some cocaine before I strike you down with my immense chest fruit.'' The cheerleading coach sneered.

The two boys swiftly complied with the order, fleeing the park in search of the woman's desired products. The pair on the bench watched them go for a moment, before Sue reached into the vast crevasse between her fake breasts and extracted her trusty dart gun. With two quick pulls of the trigger, followed by twin yelps of pain, the running teenagers slumped to the ground unconscious.

''Outstanding.'' Sue enthused, eyeing the results of her excellent marksmanship.

''So that's where you've been getting your research materials from.'' Harry observed, eyeing the prone figures critically. ''It also explains the greatly reduced number of teenage stoners in this town.''

Sue nodded sharply in confirmation of his assessment. Then, once again reaching between her inflated melons, she withdrew her phone and hit the speed dial, summoning a detachment of Cheerios to collect her new test subjects.

''Enough prattle. Let's get down to business. Where's the Winged Avenger?'' Sue demanded, wondering why one of their members was absent from the mandatory meeting.

''She's scouting the perimeter for enemy surveillance.'' Harry informed her. Sue nodded her head in satisfaction. Her enemies were everywhere after all, so caution was always best, hence their use of cunning disguises.

''Very well then. What do you have for me?'' She inquired.

''I've made significant progress. My induction into the Cheerios doesn't seem to have affected my standing with the other glee club members. Additionally I have secured a lead roll in our upcoming Sectionals set list. I openly defied Will Schuester and gained the duet by calling the rest of the team to vote in my favour.'' Harry reported concisely.

''Only Quinn and Finn refused to back the notion. I estimate however, that I will have the entire club under my sway by the time Regionals rolls around. I will then institute a vote of no confidence and replace Finn and Rachel as co-captains, with Santana at my side. By that point Schuester will be reduced to little more than the group's travel agent, and his golden couple will be inconsequential. Then you'll be free to run the club as you see fit, with me as your medium.'' As the boy finished the outlining of his scheme, his aunt graced him with a rare smile of approval.

''Excellent work. Focus on further courting the other inbred abominations to your side. For a vote of no confidence in the current captains, you'll need it to be a unanimous decision.'' Sue advised her protege, as she adjusted her colossal fakies.

''Acknowledged.'' Harry said.

''Outstanding. This meeting is adjourned, I have a beach to patrol.'' And with those parting words the cheerleading coach got up and jogged away, with her falsified assets somehow bouncing in super slow motion.

''I can't rightly fathom how i'm related to someone like that.'' Harry muttered, watching the woman go. With a sigh he rose to his feet and sauntered off through the park, making his way home. As he walked he spied a young woman, trying and failing to light a cigarette. Quickly opening his mouth, Harry released a jet of flame, simultaneously torching the woman's blouse and successfully lighting her cigarette.

''Wow, thanks Mr Simmons!'' She gasped in awe and gratitude.

''Don't thank me, just pay it forward...preferably by setting someone else ablaze.'' He urged her, and without further ado he walked away singing softly to himself.

_''I wanna rock and roll all night and party everyday.''_

* * *

Puck was pretty excited. He genuinely enjoyed glee club, it was his favourite part of going to school. And he'd never had a solo part in any of their big competitions, unless you counted the single line he'd had at regionals last year. It was going to be awesome beating those old fogies and the Garglers, and knowing that it was partly due to his badassness. New Directions had this in the bag.

He wouldn't of had the chance to do this, if it wasn't for Harry though. The green eyed boy had volunteered to be his duet partner in the first place, and the way he'd talked back to Mr Schue had been really fucking hot. Or awesome. Yep, definitely awesome. Because Harry wasn't hot. Well, he _was_ hot, really hot, but only in a strictly observational way. Still, he was glad that Harry had spoken up and made everyone vote, otherwise they might not have gotten the duet. And they totally deserved it, because their performance was kick ass.

Thinking about Harry prompted Puck to remember his new 'project'. He was curious about the other boy. He'd been with them for a few weeks now, and Puck liked to think that Harry liked him the most. Except for maybe Santana and Brittany. And Puck liked him too, which was a bit of a rarity seeing as most people tended to suck in his opinion. But he didn't really know anything about Harry, except that he could sing and dance amazingly and that he had a passion for gymnastics. Oh, and he was seriously messed up in the head.

Internet stalking seemed like the best way to get the information he wanted. It was the modern way to do things after all. A simple web search for the name Harry Potter, didn't get the results he wanted. He was looking for his Facebook and a few embarrassing school pictures, but everything that came up involved a bunch or horrific murders. Which obviously wasn't what he was looking for. He did feel a little bit sorry for this other Harry Potter though. After seeing so many articles for the same thing, Puck decided to put his search for Harry on hold and indulge his morbid curiosity.

The story of the murders that had popped up was seriously screwed, but also pretty interesting. Apparently a psychopathic serial killer had gone on a rampage and started murdering people, that attended the same school that he once did. The cops couldn't catch him so he decided to add a new element to his twisted game. He sent his former professor various riddles, that if solved would indicate his next victim. Then he'd go after the target and see if he was foiled. And he never was. Until he sent one particular clue, that could only relate to one of two families. Both sets of parents had attended the school and both had sons of the same age that were born only a day apart. Which meant that the authorities couldn't tell which family he was after. So the families were placed into protective custody, where they should have been safe. They weren't though. The first murderer had a copycat killer, a protege. A woman just as crazy as he was. She'd gone after one of the families and tortured the parents to insanity before she was interrupted and captured. The original killer, stylised by the name of Voldemort, had found the other family. He'd killed them, killed their guards and even killed their family pet.

Then he'd come up with a whole new game to play. He'd left the couple's infant son alive and unharmed, with the exception of carving a lightning bolt into his forehead. Then to the stupefaction of the police force, Voldemort had simply disappeared. The ceasing of the gruesome murders had brought relief to the private schools alumni and for eleven years there was no sign of the man who'd committed them. Then in the very year that Harry Potter had started at the academy his parents attended, the murders had begun again. Except this time it wasn't the headmaster receiving the clues. The boy was. The boy who lived. The one victim that Voldemort had ever spared became his new opponent in a sick game.

There were other articles after that. Each seeming more terrible than the last. Puck didn't do more than skim the titles of them though. There was no point in delving any further into the even more disturbing material. After moving away from the more twisted websites, Puck finally found Harry's Facebook page. There was a ton of pictures of him and a bunch of his friends, the majority featuring a pair of girls. A bushy haired brunette and a vacant eyed blonde, that were both pretty smoking. But there was a particular one that caught his attention. Harry was sat in front of a sparkling blue lake. He was obviously fairly young in the photo, maybe ten or eleven years old. But none of that caught Puck's attention. In this picture, unlike all of the later ones, Harry's hair was cut extremely short. Not that his hair was particularly long now, he said that he kept it that way because it was less messy when it was shorter. But in the picture it was short enough that he lacked his current fringe, the fringe that hid the majority of his forehead and the scar that it bore. A scar shaped like a bolt of lightning.

''Oh fuck.'' Puck muttered, his eyes widened in realisation. He quickly went back to the articles and began reading with a new fervour, becoming more disturbed the more that he read.

When Harry was eleven he'd started at a school called Hogwarts Academy, a school for the gifted. The man who murdered his parents had undergone plastic surgery and acquired a teaching job at the school, under the alias of a Professor Quirrel, resurfacing again right under everyone's noses. He'd started sending Harry letters, containing hints as to his identity and leading the boy along like a lamb to the slaughter, in a fucked up game. But Harry figured it out. During a teachers conference weekend, with only the prefects remaining at the school as authority figures, Voldemort had returned and an angry eleven year old Harry had confronted him. He'd attempted to strangle the boy and would have succeeded, had the boy not set him on fire with nearby candle holder. For some reason the man had fled, badly burned, without finishing the job.

When Harry was twelve, someone had begun attacking students at the school, injecting them with something to render them comatose and then badly beating them. Again Harry had begun receiving letters, urging him to solve what was happening. The police had gotten involved, after finding out that the pre-teen had been in correspondence with his parents killer the year before. They'd accused Harry of attacking the other students and forging the new letters that were 'delivered' to him. He'd been called mentally unstable, a sociopath who was damaged from witnessing his parents murders as an infant. In the end it was discovered that the attacker had been an eleven year old girl, that was obsessed with Harry and decided to go through deadly extremes in order to get his attention. She'd imitated a serial killer simply because she believed that it was the only way to get his complete undivided focus. Crazy little bitch. She was even Harry's friends sister, which was even more fucked up.

When Harry was thirteen Sirius Black had escaped maximum security prison. Black was Harry's godfather and his dad's best friend. He was also a former police officer that was charged with revealing the Potter's location to Voldemort and assisting him in the slaughter of the six guards, that had been placed with the family for their protection. He was the only person aside from the other six officers that had known of the family's whereabouts. He'd then gone on the run and been confronted by another friend of the family and engaged in a shoot out with the other man, where he'd proceeded to kill thirteen innocent bystanders in a fit of rage. Long story short, Sirius Black turned out to have been framed and only escaped to find the man who'd actually done the deed. Peter Pettigrew had sold out his friends to a murderer for a couple of million bucks, which again was somehow deduced by Harry who seemed to like playing junior detective and attracting trouble of the deadly variety.

When Harry was fourteen he'd been entered into a school tournament, from which he'd been abducted along with his boyfriend, seventeen year old Cedric Diggory. The authorities found them three days later when Harry had driven a stolen van into the country town of Little Hangleton as a beaten bloody mess, with Cedric's body in the passenger seat. Details of what exactly happened were never released to the press, only a statement that Voldemort was responsible and back in action.

When Harry was fifteen, Bellatrix Lestrange had escaped from solitary confinement in a woman's mental institution. With Voldemort's protege on the loose, the paparazzi had concocted some bullshit story, saying that Harry was lying about being abducted by Voldemort. They claimed that the man hadn't returned to start killing again. Some of the accusations they made were disgusting. Then the police had gone on record as saying that the murderer had made an attempt on Harry's life when he was eleven, but that they'd never made the information available to the public. That got the press off his back, but the allegations from everyone around him and the loss of his boyfriend had made the teenager withdrawn, so much so that he didn't tell anyone that Voldemort had started to contact him again. Through the cunning use of a falsified voice recording, Voldemort had lead the boy to believe that he had his godfather hostage and threatened the man's life if Harry didn't do as he said. Again the press covered up exactly what transpired, but the gist of it was that Harry was lured to some remote location by a psychopath with a grudge. Fortunately one of his friends, Hermione Granger, had discovered his correspondence with Voldemort and learnt that Sirius Black was currently at work in London. She'd contacted the police who'd rushed to the rescue, with Black leading the charge. Harry's godfather was shot dead by Bellatrix Lestrange.

There was more after that, but Puck didn't read any of it. He'd definitely seen enough. And Puck had skimmed at lot of what he'd read already, so he knew that there was a lot more to the story than he'd gotten. Since what he'd gotten was majorly fucked up, he didn't really want all the details. Part of him was sure that Harry definitely wouldn't want him reading this stuff and he definitely didn't want to confront the other boy about it. Which left him one course of action, he'd just have to be Harry's friend and if Harry felt like sharing, then he'd tell him. And if he didn't want to tell him, then that was okay too as it wasn't really any of Puck's business. One thing worried him though. He'd stumbled across this stuff whilst doing something as simple as looking for a Facebook page, so how long would it be before someone else at school came across it?

Puck sighed as he continued to idly look through Harry's photo albums. Now that he knew a little more about his circumstances, a few of the pictures made a lot more sense to him, and he couldn't help but notice the massive differences between Harry at eleven and the ice prince he was at seventeen. Upon looking through some of the more entertaining snap shots Puck opened the album labled 'Family Holidays'. Knowing that Harry was an emancipated orphan made him curious about what other relatives the other boy might have. As soon as he clapped eyes on the first picture however he froze in disbelief.

The image depicted Harry, at maybe a year or so younger than he currently was, standing in front of a pyramid with a blinding smile on his face. To his left was a woman about half a head shorter than Harry, which given that the boy wasn't particularly tall was somewhat surprising. Puck felt that she appeared familiar. The look of her face was indicative of someone with Down's Syndrome, but the happy grin she was wearing left him uncertain of that fact. It was the woman on Harry's right that made Puck freeze up in gut clenching horror. It wasn't possible, he was obviously mistaken, but the caption beneath the photo suggested otherwise.

_Me, Aunt Jean and Aunt Sue, outside the tomb of the Pharaoh Sekhemkhet._

_Note: Ancient Egyptian pit traps are a bitch. Never trust a tour guide with a gold tooth, I've met blind gophers suffering from radiation poisoning that give better directions._

* * *

**AN/ For Timberstar, who requested to see who can make a store employee cry the fastest Harry or Santana? Let the challenge commence!**

The persistent buzz of his phone was incredibly annoying, no matter how hard he tried to focus on more pressing matters. Santana growled in frustration, pulling her lips from his throat and glaring at the vibrating device.

''That damn thing better shut up. I needs ta get my mack on.'' She insisted, wriggling impatiently on Harry's lap.

''It's not my fault that every mother fucker under the sun wants to hear my voice all the time.'' Harry protested defensively. Santana narrowed her eyes, before deftly snatching up the phone and shoving it into his hand.

''Answer it.'' She commanded sternly.

''Hmm, feeling demanding are we? Any other orders for me?'' He purred, sliding a warm calloused hand up her silky smooth thigh.

''Answer the damn phone and take your pants off. In that order.'' Santana replied, a dirty grin lighting her face.

Harry swiftly complied and brought the phone to his ear. He would have answered the call, if not for someone knocking on the dressing room door.

''Um, excuse me Miss? Other people need to use the changing room, and our security officers can see what you and your..._friend_ are doing in there.'' A snide voice called through the wooden barrier.

Harry narrowed his eyes at the rude interruption and unceremoniously shoved the Latina off of his lap, as he got up to wrench the door open.

''Hey, watch it! I'd call you a cunt, if you didn't lack the warmth and depth to be one.'' Santana protested viciously, from her new position on the floor.

''Once again you prove that the smartest thing to ever _come_ out of your mouth is a penis.'' Harry shot back at her.

''You're lucky that you're so nice to look at, because you're a bitch to listen to.'' Santana rejoined scathingly.

By this point Harry had already opened the door, leaving their argument in plain view of other shoppers, who had stopped to stare at the commotion. The boy waiting on the other side of the door gaped stupidly for a moment, before loudly clearing his throat and gaining the pairs attention.

''I'm afraid that the manager wants you to leave the store.'' He told them sternly. ''And he'd like you to get dressed first.'' He added, glancing at their shirtless torsos, though mercifully Santana was still wearing a bra.

''Wow, you're the first gay guy to ever tell me to cover up my glorious form.'' Harry noted in surprise. The store attendant's eyes widened at his statement.

''W-what? I'm not gay!'' He swiftly denied.

''So you're in the closet then? How do you manage that with the hair?'' Santana asked curiously.

''What's wrong with my hair?'' The young man asked defensively.

''It makes you look so flaming that you're practically on fire. I'd stomp you out, but I don't want my foot to risk getting AIDS.'' Santana mocked him. The boy gaped at the insult, his eyes becoming suspiciously glassy.

''No kidding. If Andy Dick and Richard Simmons had a love child, then you'd probably be the flamboyant idiot that it grew up to be.'' Harry said, sneering disdainfully. ''Although on second thought you might actually be straight, given how badly dressed you are.''

The clerk's lower lip trembled slightly at that remark, even as he took a step away from the relentless barrage.

''Good point.'' Santana acknowledged. ''Who picked out your clothes, a blind guy who hates you?''

''T-the store makes us w-wear GAP brand clothing t-to work.'' The boy stuttered. ''And my h-hair is l-like this n-naturally.'' He added with a hint of defiance.

''Bullshit.'' Santana gasped, staring at the boy's frizzy head in consternation. ''God must _hate_ you!''

''No shit. That's definitely a double bagger. One for your head, and one for mine in case yours falls off.'' Harry tactfully agreed, as he peered at the boy's name badge.

''Your names _Jeremiah_? Eww, you're not one of those reformed Amish people are you?'' Harry demanded, wrinkling his nose in distaste. By this point the employee's eyes were swimming with unshed tears, which were only held at bay by his pathetic sniffling.

Santana had just opened her mouth to deal the finishing blow, when Brittany walked up next to her, having just arrived back from her trip to the bathroom. She eyed the boy in front of her thoughtfully, scanning him from head to toe.

''You have bad hair.'' She finally decided. Then to the awkward surprise of the crowd, her words proved to much for the Gap worker and he fell to his knees, sobbing hysterically. Harry and Santana eyed his prostrate form curiously.

''Well that was unexpected.'' Santana pointed out, nudging the boy with her boot. Harry nodded, conceding to her observation, before turning to address the gathered crowd of shoppers.

''People! Hear me! We did not do this for you, nor for ourselves, but for the generations to come, so that they may get their freak on in the GAP changing rooms without fear of persecution! For freedom!'' He grandly proclaimed. The people cheered wildly for their new prophet, as he led Santana and Brittany back into the privacy of the dressing room.

''Okay girls, first one to find an outfit that makes me unable to enunciate properly wins something shiny from Tiffany's.''

* * *

**AN/ Was that Okay? Please love me, I can't handle rejection. Or more accurately, I don't handle it _well._ Please keep reviewing and giving me more fun requests, they entertain me greatly! Next chapter Sectionals, and here comes Luna! xxx**


	7. Sectionals Shenanigans

**AN/ Sorry I thought i'd already posted this chapter because i'd uploaded it to the site already! The next one will be out really soon now lol. Typical dumb blonde.**

**PLEASE READ: I'm not a review whore, even though I do love receiving all the wonderful feedback. But could everyone that has either favorited and followed this story please make sure to vote on my poll? It's important that I know what the majority of readers want, so that I can try to please as many of you as possible.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own glee or Harry Potter, bullshit etcetera and all that jazz.**

* * *

Finally, the day had arrived. After countless hours of gruelling preparation and rehearsal, it was time for Sectionals. The first step on their path to Nationals in New York. With this hurdle they'd not only gain another trophy for the club, but also be that little bit closer to their rematch with Vocal Adrenaline. They were ready to give it their all...or most of them were at least.

''We're fucked! And I don't mean in the fun way.'' Santana groused. She'd finally scored herself a kick ass competition solo and they were going to lose anyway, no matter how awesome she was. It was such a drag.

''I wouldn't say that we're _fucked_.'' Harry quickly reassured her. ''If anything we're just a little bit screwed.''

''Who cares what we are? Either way we're bent over a barrel and it's totally your fault!'' The girl accused him.

''My fault? You were driving!'' Harry refuted.

''No I wasn't, you crazy jackass!'' Santana denied.

The British teen paused at that accusation. ''Okay you've got me there, but it still wasn't my fault. Brittany was distracting me.'' He insisted.

The majority of New Directions, had been watching the deadly duo argue for the last fifteen minutes and they still didn't know what they were fighting about. They'd been their usual confident selves until they'd arrived at the venue for Sectionals. Shortly after they'd gotten off of the coach and made their way to the green room, the two of them had just started freaking out. Artie finally had the courage to assuage the groups curiosity.

''Um guys, what exactly is the problem here?'' He questioned them, the others eagerly nodded along with his words, wanting to know what had the pair so on edge.

Santana shot Harry a scathing look, prompting a sigh of exasperation from the boy in question. He actually looked awkward and slightly guilty about whatever he was about to say, which sent alarm bells ringing in the assembled teenagers minds.

''You know how Santana and I had a little mishap this morning?'' Harry asked, directing the question to Puck. The other boy nodded, looking mildly amused.

''Oh yeah! I can't believe that you guys ran over a dog, that's just mean.'' Puck told them, ignoring the fact that Santana was flipping him off.

''You hit a puppy?'' Rachel demanded, looking absolutely mortified.

''It was an accident!'' Harry swiftly defended. ''Besides, that isn't really the problem.''

''So what is the problem? I can't imagine that you guys are that worried about a dog.'' Tina piped up sceptically.

''We're not.'' Santana quickly agreed. ''The problem is that we waited with the dog until it's owner arrived to collect it.'' The others all glanced at each other, exchanging looks of bewilderment.

''And that's a problem because...'' Mercedes prompted them.

''Because the owner might, kind of, be one of our judges?'' The Latina answered with unusual hesitance.

''You ran over the judges dog?'' Sam blurted out incredulously.

Harry nodded, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. ''Yep my bad.''

''That's not so terrible though right? I mean it was an accident, wasn't it? The judge can't hold it against you.'' Mike pointed out. Harry and Santana shuffled about, looking distinctly uncomfortable. ''You did do it accidentally right?'' He begged them.

''Ofcourse we did!'' Harry confirmed indignantly. ''I can't believe you'd even have to ask.''

''So what's the problem then? The dog's okay isn't it?'' Rachel asked pleadingly, as she no doubt pictured the animal suffering and heavily bandaged..

''The dog's fine Berry, don't twist your pantihose over it.'' Santana dismissed.

''So what's the big deal? You two are freaking us out...more than usual.'' Puck spoke up. He wasn't sure why they were both acting so weird, but it was deeply unsettling. The self proclaimed badass was sure that he was missing something important.

''Well...the story makes a lot more sense if you take the word 'dog' and replace it with 'wife'.'' Harry explained cautiously. It took a moment for them all to understand his meaning, but once they did everyone tried speaking at once.

''You ran over the judges wife?'' Rachel shrieked.

''Well that's that then, we're boned.'' Artie said despairingly.

''Maybe we can beg for mercy?'' Finn wondered thoughtfully.

''Let's just say it was Harry's fault, they can't blame the rest of us for his idiocy.'' Quinn told them sharply, prompting the others to look at her.

''Bite me Fabray, you can't compete without twelve members so you need me whether you like it or not.'' Harry sneered. This was ofcourse a good point.

''Then what are we going to do?'' Brittany asked him softly. Her eye were wide with disappointment, and the look instantly fired Harry's resolve.

''Don't worry Brit.'' Harry soothed, running his fingers through her blonde locks. ''I'll take care of it.'' He assured her.

''Okay then.'' she accepted, cheering up immediately. Santana smiled softly at the blonde's complete faith in the boy, sometimes she really envied Brittany's simplicity.

''Do you want to borrow Artie's magic comb? It might help you.'' Brittany offered him, pulling the item out of her pocket. Harry shot the boy in the wheelchair a look of bewilderment, but decided to ask about it later.

''That's okay sweetheart, i'm a wizard remember? I don't need a magic comb.'' Harry told her. She nodded in realisation, having completely forgotten about her friends mystical powers. The dark haired boy patted her once more on the head, before abruptly striding towards the exit.

''Where are you going?'' Santana questioned him suspiciously. Harry turned as he reached the door and tipped her a wink.

''I'll be back soon. I'm just going to ensure that we'll be judged fairly.'' He told her innocently. As he breezed out of the room the rest of the group decided that for once they really didn't want to know what he was up to, as long as they still had a shot at Sectionals then it was fine.

''That judge is going to be joining his wife in the accident and emergency ward isn't he?'' Artie casually stated.

* * *

Upon leaving the rest of the glee club in the green room, Harry quickly realised a flaw in his plan. He'd initially decided to track down the judge and either bribe, blackmail or threaten him. It was a difficult decision to make. Maybe he could use sexual bribery and then blackmail him with it? No, that was too tame. He required a plan far more excessive and convoluted. A scheme that was so circuitous and over the top, that by the time it was over everyone involved would be either dead, insane or spiritually violated. It was whilst he was thinking of the available options that he realised he had no idea where he was going. This led him to using a tried and tested method of finding a destination 'If you can't find the path, then make your own.'.

Harry approached the nearest door and carelessly kicked it open, causing it to slam against the wall with a bang. Finding a janitors closet was not what he had in mind and so he proceeded to try the next room. He continued along the corridor in this manner, checking each room systematically. Behind the next door he found a storage room, stacked high with extra chairs and a number of tables. In the room after that he kicked the door completely off of it's hinges, the group of elderly people within didn't even seem to notice his violent entrance and so he quickly left to continue his noble quest to find and manipulate a show choir official. As he approached the next door he heard voices through the wood, which made him perk up in anticipation. At last the judge was within his grasp!

''Entry!'' Harry bellowed, charging towards the door and executing a flying kick. The barrier might as well of been made of toothpicks given how much resistance it provided. As his foot made contact with the wood, a sharp cracking noise filled the air. Instead of the door flying open, his leg had instead pierced a hole straight though it. The noise inside the room shifted from the indistinct mumbles of casual conversation and was replaced by yelps of shock, as his limb suddenly burst through the entrance to the occupants sanctuary.

''Well fuck.'' Harry blinked in surprise. He'd never failed quite so spectacularly at opening a door, thank Lucifer that Sue wasn't there to see him. Tensing his muscles, he attempted to wrench himself free, but found his leg thoroughly stuck. Tugging on his entrapped limb, yielded no results towards trying to extricate himself and he was fairly certain that he now had a few splinters.

''Is everything okay?'' Someone shouted through the door, sounding panicked.

''Yeah, everything's five by five.'' Harry yelled back. He began to consider the best way to get loose and was thus far unsure of how to do so, without the judicious use of dynamite.

''Are you stuck?'' The voice called out again.

''No, i'm just hanging out and contemplating the mysteries of this universe, that I happen to be the centre of.'' Harry snapped sarcastically. The people in the room hesitated before answering him and Harry growled when he felt one of them touching his foot.

''Uh, can I open the door without hurting you?'' One of the rooms occupants queried hesitantly.

''Probably. I'll just hop forwards a little bit whilst you pull on it.'' Harry proposed. The person on the other side chuckled and began slowly easing the door open, Harry hopped forwards on his free leg as he was dragged along with it. It stopped after inching open enough for a person to fit through the gap. A familiar head with meticulously gelled dark hair popped around the wood to peer at him curiously and widened at the sight of his position.

''Harry?'' Blaine blurted in shock.

''Blaine.'' Harry nodded, calmly acknowledging him. He was looking surprisingly casual, considering that his limb was buried through a panel of wood, whilst being held up well above his waist height.

''I probably should have guessed it was you.'' The Warbler observed with a sigh.

''Is everything okay Blaine?'' A high pitched voice demanded. The dark haired Warbler was blocking the gap in the door, preventing anyone else from seeing out.

''Everything's fine.'' He smoothly assured the others in the room. ''I'll be back in a sec.'' Blaine quickly stepped out into the hallway and started pulling the door closed, forcing a disgruntled Harry to start hopping backwards with it.

''Are you sure you don't need any help?'' The other person shouted again, just as the door closed again. Harry thought it was a girl speaking, but he was fairly certain that Dalton Academy was an all boys school.

''Yeah, I can handle it Kurt.'' Blaine told him, raising his voice to be heard more clearly. Kurt? Wasn't that the former McKinley student that was so flaming he was on the verge of igniting the planets atmosphere? He had to wonder how that kid ever managed to stand in a room with Will Schuester, excessive use of hair products plus flaming homo seemed like a fire hazard waiting to happen. Blaine turned back to him, his face showing a mixture of amusement and concern, so Harry decided to take advantage of the situation.

''So you found me trapped with my leg raised and instantly made sure you were alone with me?'' Harry taunted teasingly.

''Well I thought that since you shoved yourself through our wood, that maybe I should shove my wood in your-'' Blaine began to say, before Harry's loud laughter cut him off.

''Oh my god, I can't believe that _you_ just said something that dirty, I thoroughly approve!'' Harry crowed. And he really did. Who knew that Warbler boy could be such a dirty fucker? This revelation presented a number of very interesting and filthy thoughts.

Blaine could barely believe he'd just said that either. He was a teenage boy and prone to joking around, but he was usually more polite and composed around people that he didn't know that well. Harry didn't seem to mind though, in fact he looked extremely pleased. Luckily Blaine had closed the door so that it couldn't swing open while Harry was attached to it, because otherwise his fellow Warblers would've heard that. Unknown to him, the hole around Harry's leg made it much easier for the curious Warblers on the other side of the door to listen to their conversation.

''So how are we going to do this?'' Blaine wondered, thoughtfully eyeing the other boy's predicament.

''I'm not sure, but it's going to be nearly impossible to get my pants off in this position.'' Harry pointed out flirtatiously. It was Blaine's turn to laugh, though it was accompanied by a slight blush from the comment.

''I meant how are we going to get you out of the door?'' He swiftly corrected, causing Harry to pout in disappointment. ''How did this happen anyway?'' Blaine continued.

''I was trying to open the door.'' Harry answered simply.

''You do realise that it's more traditional to turn the door handle? Or if someone's inside you could always knock.'' Blaine joked, causing the trapped boy looked at him in confusion.

''_Knock_?'' The Brit repeated, as though testing an unfamiliar word.

''Yeah, if someone's in a room with a closed door you knock for them to let you in, out of courtesy for their privacy.'' Blaine told him, finding the other boy's confusion strange and kind of adorable.

''Privacy? But what if I want to see what they're doing?'' Harry demanded, as Blaine began inspecting the door where his leg had gone through.

''Then you ask for permission anyway, because it's the nice thing to do.'' The Warbler told him slowly.

''Huh...you're kind of weird.'' Harry decided, eyeing him thoughtfully. Blaine chuckled at that little announcement, finding it highly ironic.

''Good weird or bad weird?'' Blaine asked, taking hold of Harry's calf in a gentle grip.

''Good weird.'' Harry assured him. ''But if you wanted to be bad weird, then you could always move your hand a little higher up my thigh and tighten your grip.''

''I thought I'd save that for after the Warblers victory party, which I was just about to invite you to for that first date you mentioned before.'' Blaine said, smiling charmingly. Harry raised a sceptical eyebrow.

''Sadly i'll have to refuse the invitation, on the grounds that you need to win in order to have a victory party. But you can come to my place with the rest of New Directions later, after we've wiped the floor with you.'' Harry retorted mockingly.

Blaine grinned and jabbed the other boy in the ribs, making him squeal. He made a mental note to remember that Harry was ticklish. The Warbler then moved around so that he was standing behind the other boy and wrapped his arms around his waist. Harry smirked at the position and leaned backwards against Blaine's chest.

''I thought that we agreed that I couldn't get my pants off in this position?'' Harry murmured huskily. He turned his head to look over his shoulder, bringing their faces closer together.

''We did. The new plan is for me to pull you.'' Blaine muttered back, his breath tickling against the back of Harry's neck.

''In England saying that you're going to 'pull' someone, means something completely different.'' Harry informed him amusedly.

''I'll keep that in mind.'' Blaine promised. ''Okay i'm going to pull you on the count of three.'' He cautioned.

''Wanky.'' Harry purred.

''Behave.'' Blaine chided him, adjusting his grip on the other teens midriff. ''Okay...one, two, three!'' With a hard tug and the sound of splintering wood, Harry was wrenched free of the door, sending him and Blaine stumbling to the ground. They lay there for a moment blinking stupidly before bursting out laughing. Harry rolled over, propping his chin on Blaine's impressively firm stomach.

''So...since we're already down, do ya wanna get dirty?'' The Brit asked, waggling his eyebrows.

''Shouldn't I know something about you other than your name first?'' Blaine wondered, his chest rumbling beneath the other boy as he chuckled.

''My favourite colour is green.'' Harry informed him, his tone completely deadpan as he slid up Blaine's body to straddle him. ''Is that enough info?''

Blaine made a show of thinking about it, which was extremely difficult with Harry sitting on his groin. ''What's your favourite movie?'' He finally asked. ''That's not a porno!'' He quickly added when Harry opened his mouth to answer. The English boy pouted before giving the question some thought.

''Hocus Pocus.'' Harry answered, a slight smile of nostalgia curling his lips.

''The Disney movie?'' Blaine exclaimed delightedly.

''Disney is awesome, anyone who disagrees can go and fornicate themselves with a railroad spike.'' Harry asserted viciously.

''That's adorable.'' Blaine told him sarcastically. Because really, a railroad spike? That was kind of twisted, no matter how cute the Disney thing was.

''Most of what I do generally is.'' Harry agreed.

At that moment one of the stage crew walked passed, staring at them laying on the floor in the middle of the hallway. ''What are you looking at thunder thighs? Every moment you spend staring like a moron, is time you could be using to vomit into a toilet bowel in hopes of reducing the size of your colossal backside!'' Harry snarled.

Watching the woman burst into tears and quickly flee, made Blaine ponder whether the other boy was bipolar or something. Either that or he hated being stared at. But he was straddling another boy in the middle of a public corridor, so he probably should of expected it.

''Oh crap, It's time for those pensioners to screech at us!'' Harry exclaimed, staring at his watch in dismay. Blaine's eyes widened at that bit of information.

''I'd better get back in there, Wes will want to talk to us before we take our seats in the audience.'' The Warbler said apologetically.

''That's cool.'' Harry told him. ''I should get back to my swarm of misshapen minions anyway. They need a firm hand and a scathing tongue to keep them in line, and Santana will probably exhaust her insults for the day if I leave them alone for much longer.''

Blaine grinned and sat up, with Harry still in his lap. The other boy eyed him and his wide smile suspiciously. Apparently his caution was warranted, as the Warbler chose that moment to slide his hands up Harry's ribs and begin tickling him. The green eyed boy tried desperately to stifle his undignified squeals, but to no avail. He mentally cursed Blaine for discovering his one weakness. Harry had long since discovered a vaccine to prevent bullet wounds, but he had yet to find a way to deal with his ticklishness.

''S-stop! I'm gonna die!'' Harry howled, wriggling in the other boy's lap.

''Make me.'' Blaine challenged smugly. The loud clearing of someone's throat brought an end to Blaine's ministrations and the pair on the floor turned simultaneously to find the entirety of the Warblers crammed into the doorway of their green room, watching them intently.

''How long have you guys been standing there?'' Blaine asked tentatively.

''Pretty much since you guys hit the floor. The sheer cuteness that you just displayed was almost gag worthy.'' David brightly informed him, as the two of them got back onto their feet.

''Did you just call me cute?'' Harry hissed menacingly.

''No master!'' David quickly blurted, his eyes wide.

''Damn right.'' Harry asserted.

The Warblers were apparently very easy to train. Perhaps he should turn them into a private harem? Many of them were aesthetically pleasing, and he was sure that Satan and Angelcake would enjoy having new toys to play with. Although he might have to keep one or two for his personal use. Glancing at Blaine, who was now being mercilessly teased by his team mates, Harry amended that thought to keeping just one for his personal use.

''Blaine!'' A shrill voice snapped, interrupting the other Warblers good natured banter. Kurt stomped forward and began brushing imaginary dust from the soloist's uniform. ''What were you thinking? Your uniform is filthy now.'' The effeminate boy chastised.

Harry was pretty sure he could smell an unrequited crush, which had the potential to be highly amusing if he had his way.

''Aww it's not Blaine's fault.'' Harry cooed, stepping as close as possible to the dark haired Warbler and looping an arm around his neck. ''I was bound to straddle him in public eventually, and it'll no doubt happen again. I mean look how hot he is!'' He pointed out, gesturing at Blaine from head to toe. ''Don't_ you_ think he's hot Kirk?'' Harry asked the former New Directions member innocently.

''My name is _Kurt_!'' The fashionista corrected peevishly.

''Yes yes.'' Harry soothed, waving a hand dismissively at the unimportance of a mere name. ''But you didn't answer my question, don't you think Blaine's hot?'' He repeated tauntingly.

Kurt faltered, whilst somehow managing to look both pissed off and highly embarrassed. Harry was tempted to pinch his cheek, but something told him that the other boy was a biter.

''So you don't think that Blaine's hot? Well I guess that gorgeous isn't everyone's type, to each their own I suppose.'' Harry said, when no answer was forthcoming. Kurt sputtered indignantly at the insinuation, but Harry was no longer paying attention, he was far more interested in the fact the Blaine's blush apparently extended down his throat. As far as necks went, it was a very nice one.

''Well I'd better be hitting the old dusty trail.'' The Brit declared, stretching out his recently trapped leg. ''Bye bye Blaine.'' Harry chirped. Reaching out he gently tipped the stunned boy's head to the side and leaned forwards, licking a hot stripe along his jugular vein. The Warblers gaped at him as he pulled away from their soloist, licking his lips lasciviously.

''I hope you can make it to our victory bash later, feel free to bring your little friends if you want.'' Harry called as he practically skipped away down the hallway and around the corner out of sight.

Blaine watched him go with a slightly dazed expression, not even hearing his team mates speaking to him.

''Blaine!'' Kurt's shriek snapped him out of his reverie and brought him crashing back to reality. He turned to look at the pale skinned boy with a questioning expression.

''Yes Kurt?'' He inquired dazedly.

''Wesley suggested that we go and take our seats. What were you thinking about, that you didn't hear us talking to you?'' Kurt demanded suspiciously.

''Probably that Harry dudes ass.'' Flint bluntly suggested, causing Blaine to blush and the others to stare at him, only to find that he along with Nick and Jeff were still looking at the spot where Harry had vanished with their heads cocked curiously to the side.

''That backside should probably be illegal.'' Nick agreed, before turning to glare childishly at Blaine. ''You lucky bastard, I actually hate you a little bit right now.'' He told him grouchily.

''You really think he likes me?'' Blaine asked them hopefully. Surprisingly it was Wes that answered him.

''You just exchanged filthy innuendo before being straddled and licked, all within the space of a few minutes, I'm sure he's not interested in you at all.'' The Asian boy said dryly, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

''I'm sorry that you won't be able to go to the New Directions celebration, but we're going to be winning this thing, so they probably won't be having one.'' David chipped in, looking confidant. ''But you can still ask him to ours. That way we can keep an eye on our wittle Blainey bear during his date.'' The dark skinned boy cooed mockingly.

Before Blaine could retort he found both senior councilmen dragging him towards the auditorium, bombarding him with last minute pointers for their performance. By then though he was hardly paying attention, as his thoughts were far more focussed on a pair of excessively green eyes and whether or not he might have a new favourite colour.

* * *

''Okay guys, are we ready for this?'' Finn questioned the assembled New Directions members. They were gathered back stage for their imminent performance, and after watching the Warblers in action they knew they'd have to give it their all if they wanted to win.

''Are you trying to give us a pep talk?'' Santana asked him incredulously.

''Well yeah, i'm the leader after all.'' Finn reminded her, blinking cluelessly. The cheerleader scoffed disdainfully at him and took a sip from her water bottle, not even wanting to dignify that with a scathing remark.

''Why the hell would we follow _your_ leadership? I'm pretty sure that you can't even count to twenty one unless you're naked.'' Harry sneered, causing Santana to choke on her water and spit it over Rachel's shoes as she cackled. Apparently Finn didn't really get the joke though.

''Why would I be doing maths naked?'' The lanky teen asked sounding completely bewildered.

Harry's eye twitched, as he forcibly restrained himself from punishing the boy for his stupidity. Plus he didn't get his jokes which was practically blasphemy or something. Luckily for Finn he was rescued by Puck's intervention.

''Come on Harry, we'd better get into position.'' Puck told him as he gently gripped his arm and lead him to the doors at the back of the audience.

''Alright.'' Harry agreed simply with a focussed expression on his face.

''Seriously? I just told you that we'd better get into _position_, are you really going to let that go without a dirty comment? Are you feeling okay?'' Puck asked him, sounding genuinely concerned.

''I'm fine Noah. But it's competition time, and I settle for nothing less than total supremacy over any and all lesser creatures that dare give challenge to my greatness.'' Harry coldly declared. Puck usually pushed any potentially gay thoughts to the back of his mind, but he had to admit that watching Harry slip into 'ice prince mode' was actually pretty sexy.

''Are you prepared?'' Harry queried, raising a single eyebrow questioningly. Puck kind of wished that he could do that, he'd have to practice later because it seemed like a useful skill.

''Yep i'm totally in the zone and ready to rock this shit.'' The larger boy assured him with confidence.

''Excellent.'' Harry nodded to him and made his way to his starting position, leaving Puck alone.

''Oh and Puck?'' The Brit suddenly called back to him, getting the other boy's attention. ''I'll be questioning you later, about why you've been acting so weird around me for the last few days.'' Harry informed him sternly, making it abundantly clear that Puck wouldn't be able to weasel his way out of it.

That was not going to be a fun discussion. What was he supposed to say to the green eyed boy? 'I know that you're related to Sue freaking Sylvester, is that why you're inherently evil?' he wasn't sure how well that would go over with him. He also harboured suspicions about Harry's loyalty to the glee club. Coach Sylvester had tried to sabotage and destroy them on multiple occasions, and the fact that both she and Harry had failed to mention that they were related, didn't look exactly innocent. Maybe Harry worked so hard to get this duet so he could sabotage it. Was that why Sylvester hadn't been bothering the club lately? Then again Harry had also been helping some of the team with their dancing and Puck knew for a fact that he'd been giving Mike singing lessons, he wouldn't go to that kind of trouble to make them better if he was planning to sabotage them. Maybe Harry had kept it a secret because he didn't want to be treated differently? If they'd known from the start that he was related to Sue, then they probably wouldn't of let him join in the first place. And maybe the cheerleading coach was leaving them alone now because Harry was a member of the team? That would make sense.

''_And now, from William McKinley high school in Lima Ohio, the winners of last years Sectionals competition, it's the New Directions!_'' The announcers voice rang out over the tannoy, interrupting Puck's thoughts and giving them the signal for them to start the music. It was show time.

''Hey Harry what happened with that judge?'' Puck abruptly called out, having just remembered the other boy's self imposed mission.

''Oh fuck!''

* * *

The Warblers seemed to be genuinely looking forwards to this performance. Kurt had told them a lot about New Directions and they had won their Sectionals last year, so they were sure to be good. They'd watched some of their recorded performances online and Blaine could definitely admit that they had some amazing voices. Like with the Warblers featuring him as their front man, the McKinley glee club seemed to favour Finn Hudson, Kurt's stepbrother, and Rachel Berry, a girl with an admittedly exceptional voice. Kurt claimed that there were other members of the club that were just as good, but it was hard to believe that one school could have that much potential star power. They'd only really heard the previously mentioned pair singing, as they'd done almost the entirety of the solo parts during New Directions competition performances last year, so Blaine and the others were curious about what they had put together this time.

As the announcer called out the beginning of the groups performance the audience turned their full attention to the stage. When the music started Blaine didn't immediately recognize the song, but Jeff clearly did if the gasp of excitement was any indication. To everyone's confusion, the curtains of the stage didn't go up, leading them to believe that the stage crew had messed up the timing, until a voice belted out from the back of the room.

_''So hot, out the box  
Can we pick up the pace?  
Turn it up, heat it up  
I need to be entertained  
Push the limit, are you with it?  
Baby, don't be afraid  
I'm a hurt 'ya real good, baby!'' - Puck_

Everybody seemed to turn in tandem at the sound of the husky tenor flowing easily through the room, commanding everyone's attention. Blaine subconsciously gave the rather muscular boy a once over. Kurt had failed to mention that New Directions had any hot members, but if Harry, Brittany and Santana were any indication then he probably should have guessed anyway. The boy singing was definitely yummy, with the whole sexy bad boy vibe he was giving to the song.

''Puckerman?'' Kurt gasped quietly, sounding perplexed as the jock prowled down the aisle on the other side of the room. As Puck's verse came to an end, the set of doors at the end of the aisle that the Warblers were seated in slammed open and another voice took over, seizing the audience's immediate scrutiny.

''_Let's go, It's my show  
Baby, do what I say  
Don't trip off the glitz  
That I'm gonna display  
_

Harry's smooth, resonating voice seamlessly took over, sweeping through the room and sending delightful shivers along people's spines. Blaine idly noticed that not only was Harry an amazing singer, but the lyrics of this song seemed to work brilliantly with his sexy confident attitude.

_I told ya, I'm a hold ya down until you're amazed  
Give it to ya 'til you're screaming my name._'' _- Harry_

As Harry came next to where the Warblers were seated, in the course of strutting down the aisle, he turned to face Blaine and sang those last two lines directly to him. The way Harry undulated his body, finishing with a snap of his hips, pretty much scrambled Blaine's brain and he was sure he wasn't the only one.

_''No escaping when I start  
Once I'm in I own your heart  
There's no way you'll ring the alarm  
So hold on until it's over'' - Puck  
_

Puck effortlessly took over again, regaining the focus of the crowd as he reached the front of the room and began to ascend to the stage.

_''Oh, do you know what you got into?  
Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do?  
'Cause it's about to get rough for you  
I'm here for your entertainment.'' - Puck/Harry_

Harry rejoined for the chorus. The two boys harmonised surprisingly well with one another. As they met each other on centre stage, the curtains behind them rose revealing the rest of their glee club who joined in for the next part even as they all jumped into a surprisingly complex dance routine.

_''Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet_  
_'Ya thought an angel swept you off ya feet_  
_But I'm about to turn up the heat_  
_I'm here for your entertainment.'' - New Directions_

One thing that every member of the Warblers could admit, was that the other glee club definitely seemed to have fun with their performances, if the grins on their faces were any indication._  
_

_''It's alright.'' - Harry_

_''You'll be fine.'' - Puck _

_''Baby, I'm in control.'' - Harry_

_ ''Take the pain.'' - Puck _

_''Take the pleasure.'' - Harry _

_''I'm the master of both.'' - Puck _

_''Close your eyes.'' - Harry _

_''Not your mind.'' - Puck _

_''Let me into your soul.'' - Harry _

_''I'm a work it 'til you're totally blown.'' - Puck_

Puck and Harry tackled the verse by trading lines back and forth whilst dancing provocatively, as the rest of New Directions danced and created an echo of the more significant lyrics in the background. The last line from Puck was sung with a growl and a lick of his lips that had most of the audience shifting forwards in their seats.

_''No escaping when I start  
Once I'm in I own your heart  
There's no way you'll ring the alarm  
So hold on until it's over.'' - Harry/Puck_

_''Oh, do you know what you got into?_  
_Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do?_  
_'Cause it's about to get rough for you_  
_I'm here for your entertainment.'' - New Directions_

_''Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet_  
_'Ya thought an angel swept ya off your feet_  
_Well I'm about to turn up the heat_  
_I'm here for your entertainment.'' - New Directions_

Puck was having a blast. The audience was totally eating up their awesomeness and he was rocking the whole sexy vibe, he fully expected to get some phone numbers out of this. He considered trying out for competition solos more often.

_''Oh oh... mmmm  
Entertainment...  
Oh oh... Oh entertainment...  
I'm here for your entertainment...'' - New Directions_

The club all but chanted the lines of the song at that point, building up for the closing of the song.

_''Oooohhh..._  
_Do you like what you see?_  
_Wooooaaaahhhh..._  
_Let me entertain 'ya till you screeaaam.'' - Harry_

Harry's vocal strength, as he wailed out the notes of the last verse, had jaws dropping throughout the auditorium. Blaine almost jumped out of his seat and started applauding prematurely, as he watched the boys performing with a star struck expression.

_''Oh, do you know what you got into?_  
_Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do?_  
_Cause it's about to get rough for you._  
_I'm here for your entertainment.'' - New Directions_

Kurt found himself feeling a stab of disappointment watching his friends dance around together, clearly enjoying themselves. Not only that, but apparently Mr Schue was finally giving other people a stab at solos and to rub salt in the wound they were doing a refreshingly controversial performance. It was typical that the club would change for the better after he'd already transferred to another school, where everything was so boring and..._uniform._

_''Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet.'' - Puck (bet ya thought) - Harry_  
_'Ya thought an angel swept ya off your feet.'' - Puck_  
_''Well I'm about to turn up the heat.'' - Puck (turn up the heat) - Harry_  
_''I'm here for your entertainment.'' - New Directions_

The crowd roared with approval as the number came to an end, leaping to their feet to give a thunderous standing ovation. The glee club beamed at the praise, whilst taking a moment to catch their breath. Then to the delight of their captivated audience the beat of a more familiar song started up, as Santana stepped up from the rear of the group, walking with an extra sway to her hips.

_''Well sometimes I go out by myself  
And I look across the water.'' - Santana_

* * *

''I think we all know who the winners of this little contest should be, so shall we just vote for the New Directions and get it over with?'' The first judge proposed.

''Hardly! We need to reach a unanimous decision, and I for one think that the Dalton Academy Warblers deserve first place.'' The third judge adamantly insisted, prompting the other two to stare at him in surprise.

''I agree that the Warblers were good, but the showmanship and dance moves added to the New Directions performance showed far more effort and versatility on their part. Those kids knocked it out of the park.'' The second judge refuted, narrowing her eyes.

''Well i'm not voting for them, I refuse to let him win!'' The third judge stubbornly declared.

''Him?'' The first judge asked, sounding confused.

''I meant _them_.'' The third judge swiftly amended, causing the other two to eye him with suspicion. ''Either way it doesn't matter, we need to vote unanimously before we can leave and I refuse to vote for the McKinley glee club. I'll keep you here all night if I have to!''

The other judges looked annoyed and slightly resigned at that statement, but they couldn't for the life of them figure out a way to compromise.

''I think that I might have a solution.'' A dreamy voice pitched in, startling the three judges at the speakers presence in the room.

''Who the hell are you?'' They demanded in unison.

* * *

Finally it was time for the verdict. The three competing glee clubs had assembled on the stage to await the judges decision, with many of the performers shifting about anxiously for the results. At last one of the judges stepped out on the stage to address the crowd, whilst spearing Harry and Santana with an evil glare. The pair responded in kind, the malevolence in their combined gaze was such that it made the man flinch as if struck a physical blow.

''In third place...The Hipsters!'' He grandly announced. The audience applauded as the group of elderly singers came forward and accepted the third place trophy with good humour. The judge paused for a moment before continuing.

''And now in first place...we have a tie.'' The competition official announced with a trace of bitterness. ''The Warblers and New Directions both qualify for the Regionals competition later this year. Thank you all for coming!'' He proclaimed.

Both of the winning glee clubs exchanged bewildered looks for a moment, before abruptly bursting into cheers and screams of excitement at their victory. Puck beamed at the news, exchanging hugs and fist bumps with his team mates. He turned to look beside him where Harry had been standing, in order to give the shorter teen a crushing hug, but was confused to find him gone.

''Um excuse me, but did you happen to see where Harry went?'' Someone politely asked, as he stepped in front of him. Puck recognised his as the Warblers lead singer. He glared suspiciously, but before he could demand to know how the other boy knew his friend, everyone's attention was drawn back to centre stage.

''Death!'' Harry roared, as he charged the judge and violently tackled him to the floor, where he proceeded to rain down physical abuse upon the man. Both clubs stared for a moment in shock, before Puck had the sense to alert the one person who might be able to stop the boy.

''Santana, can you stop him?'' He asked. When no reply was forthcoming, he glanced around in confusion but didn't see the fiery girl anywhere. ''Where the fuck is San-''

''Vengeance!'' He was cut off as the girl in question charged forward and leaped into the air, before landing elbow first on the offending judge, who yelped in agony from the impact.

''Screw this, we'd better get out of here before people realise that we know those lunatics!'' Finn shouted to the rest of the group. He spun to his left in order to help wheel Artie off of the stage, but to his confusion the handicapped boy was gone. ''Hey where did Artie go?''

''Boo yeah, mother fucker! It's New Directions bitch!'' Artie howled. The judge now lay pinned to the ground with Santana holding down his legs and Harry restraining his shoulders, as Artie barrelled towards his prone form at top speed.

''This is so embarrassing.'' Tina moaned, hiding her face in her hands. A hand patted her comfortingly on the shoulder.

''Don't worry, you'll get used to it eventually.'' The person soothed her, whilst Tina stared at the girl in confusion.

''Who are you?'' She blurted, eyeing the blonde in bewilderment. The Warblers didn't have any female members and the Hipsters were all ancient, so she wasn't sure what the strange girl was doing on the stage.

''I'd give you my name, but unfortunately we're in a public venue where any malignant entity could easily overhear. One must never give their true name so freely, as those with knowledge can use it to gain power over you.'' The unfamiliar girl lectured, as she gazed at the backdrop of the stage with a dreamy expression. Suddenly her gaze snapped to Puck, whom she began studying intently.

''Did you know that you're covered in Flaming Gumplies?'' She demanded.

''Uh...no? What are Flaming Gumplies?'' Puck asked her incredulously.

''They're microscopic entities that feed off feelings of repressed homosexual attraction.'' She sharply informed him, making his jaw drop at her implication.

''Everyone knows that.'' Brittany chimed in nodding wisely, whilst standing literally nose to nose with the strange unknown British girl in their midst. The two blondes were inspecting one another curiously, completely ignoring the flabbergasted expressions of those that surrounded them.

Rather suddenly the vacant eyed blonde pulled out a can of aerosol and sprayed it in the air above her head. ''To prevent eavesdroppers.'' She briefly explained to them.

''Now for introductions. I'm Luna C. Lovegood.'' She introduced, smiling prettily.

''Hi Lunacy!'' Brittany chirped. ''I'm Brittany S. Pierce.'' The other blonde responded in kind.

''I quite like your music. But I always imagined that Brittany Spears would have more Jabbering Clitcloggers surrounding her.'' Luna noted curiously.

''Jabbering Clitcloggers?'' Rachel queried, eyeing her warily.

''Evil fairies that promote the spread of STD's'' Brittany explained for her. ''Sorry, some of my friends are kinda stupid.'' She confided to Luna apologetically.

''Anyone else feel a headache coming on?'' Puck asked the others, receiving multiple raised hands in answer. ''Just checking.''

**AN/ Okay? I hope so, since I actually felt reasonably good about this chapter, in my next one i'll be posting another requested scene that I hope that you'll all find amusing. I've spent a lot of time coming up with new and hilarious one liners and insults for Harry, Sue and Santana to fling at people and we'll be seeing them in the coming chapters. Feel free to make more requests, peace out!**


	8. Harry's Angels

**AN/ Hey guys! This only took so long because I've been in Egypt for the past two weeks. It was awesome. So yeah I've been able to check my mail and stuff, but I couldn't update. I banged this chapter out after a couple of hours work, this is pretty much a filler chapter that heralds the beginning of World War Evil.**

**If anyone has had a change of heart regarding their votes, or would perhaps like to vote for a threesome like some of you have asked, then just review or message me and i'll take it into account. As soon as I have the most accurate idea of ppls favourite pairings then I will be starting the SMUT! WOOHOO!**

**Some may notice that i've skipped the christmas episode, but that's just me taking advantage of my ability to diverge from canon.**

**Disclaimer: Glee and HP aren't mine yet, but the schematics have been drawn up so hopefully that will change soon.**

''Unacceptable!'' Harry snarled.

''Calm down drama queen.'' Santana told him, sneering disdainfully at his show of emotion.

Harry bristled at the order. He couldn't believe that someone that had betrayed him so callously would dare have the audacity to tell him to 'calm down'.

''How dare you say that, after what you did?'' Harry snapped, glaring fiercely at the cheerleader. ''Then again I probably should of expected this of you Satan. But you Lulu? You're well aware of my rules, how could you do this to me?'' He pleaded, staring at his blonde friend in agonised betrayal.

After beating a man into a coma and fleeing from the authorities the day before, the New Directions had made their way back to Harry's spacious apartment for a small victory celebration. Harry had been thrilled to see Luna, and immediately pulled his friend into a Hollywood style kiss in the middle of the stage as soon as he clapped eyes on her. She'd skilfully evaded his questioning about what she was doing in Lima, and simply insisted that she would tell him later. He ofcourse found this suspicious, but at the time he was too excited to have his Lulu back.

The glee club were surprisingly accepting of Luna's awesomeness, but that was probably due to their regular exposure to Brittany. Sadly the party didn't get the chance to really kick off, as most of the losers had curfews because of school the next day. People had slowly left one by one, until finally Artie and Brittany departed to do whatever it is that couples do, leaving Harry and Luna to their own devices, and Santana scowling at the back of Artie's wheelchair..

They'd stayed up for hours sharing various anecdotes from their Hogwarts years, that Santana seemed eager to listen to. Harry may or may not have spent a good chunk of time bitching about the fact that Blaine was too busy with his friends to come and play at Harry's house, which meant that all his flirting had amounted to nought. At some point Harry must of fallen asleep on the couch, because he awoke the next morning with a blanket draped over him, which he was sure was courtesy of his favourite blonde. Upon waking, he'd decided to be his usual sweet natured self and make breakfast for the three of them. Seeing as it's the most important meal of day. Eventually Luna and Santana had emerged from his guest bedroom, both of them wearing one of his T-shirts to sleep in and showing a teasing amount of bare thigh. At first everything had been hunky dory, but upon greeting his girls with a kiss on the cheek he'd noticed that both of them seemed very satisfied, and not just from having a good nights rest.

''It's not that bad Harry-bo.'' Luna soothed him, reaching out to tenderly stroke his hair.

''Don't touch me, I can't even look at you right now.'' Harry whispered, turning away from her in order to mask his emotional pain.

''What the fuck is the big deal? It was only once.'' Santana pointed out, rolling her eyes at his dramatics. ''Well...okay maybe twice.'' She conceded thoughtfully.

The green eyed boy whipped round to scowl at her. ''That's not the point! Luna, please recite Rule No. 8 of Harry's House.'' Harry commanded the blonde. The girl in question sighed gustily before acquiescing with his request.

''In Harry's House, all hot girl on girl action must be done within his presence.'' She dutifully answered the long since memorised rule. Harry nodded vigorously with her words.

''Exactly! As I have spoken, so shall it be.'' Harry insisted. ''But then you two had the audacity to go and get naked without my supervision! This must be how god felt when that angel dude decided he hated him or whatever.''

Both girls decided to ignore Harry's apparent lack of religious knowledge and the fact that he'd compared himself to a deity. Instead they pondered upon the best way to cheer him up.

''We're sorry H. Why don't we make it up to you? You wanna go get someone fired?'' Santana proposed coaxingly, as she hugged him around the neck and coincidentally gave him a face full of breasts.

''Nuh uh.'' Harry mumbled, shaking his head negatively but keeping his face exactly where it was.

''How about we skip school and go people watching at the mall? We can hurl scathing insults at all the ugly ones.'' The raven haired girl suggested instead.

''Don't wanna.'' Harry muttered petulantly.

''Well what do you want then?'' Santana demanded, her patience quickly running out. The boy slowly extracted his face from her cleavage and fixed her with a pair of mischievous emerald eyes.

''I'll get the hot tub started!'' Harry chirped in answer, before bouncing away onto the balcony, leaving the two girls staring in his wake.

''I believe he wishes to have intercourse.'' Luna helpfully observed, making no move to follow him. Santana nodded her head in agreement.

''How long should we make him wait?'' The Latina wondered thoughtfully.

Luna shrugged in answer. ''I think i'm going back to bed.'' She informed the other girl, smiling mysteriously as she walked back towards the guest room. Santana glanced between the balcony door and Luna's retreating form, debating silently with herself before coming to a decision and following the British girl. She'd always had a thing for blondes and besides, how much madder could Harry get?

* * *

Harry grinned smugly, he was sitting in the choir room ignoring the other members of the glee club, who were eyeing him in confusion.

''Wipe that expression off your face, it's creeping me out dude.'' Puck told him, leaning away from him warily.

''Don't bother. He's been a smug little bastard ever since after breakfast.'' Santana grumbled, rubbing her aching back and glaring at the British teen.

''In my defence, I really am sorry. But I honestly thought that fucking somebody through the mattress was just an expression.'' Harry apologised to the slightly bruised girl.

''You did what?'' Puck demanded, sounding outraged. He hadn't had sex today, so naturally it was totally unfair that other people had gotten to.

''Well technically it was the door, not the mattress, but the principle is the same.'' Harry corrected himself, smiling at the other boy tauntingly. ''And it wasn't really my fault, Luna was doing things to my neck and I got distracted!'' He adamantly declared. That'd teach those bitches to try and exclude him! If sex was happening then it was his god given right to be involved if he so chose.

''Luna...? You had a three way with that hot crazy chick and Santana?'' Puck gaped at the other boy, feeling that his stud status was in serious danger of being usurped, especially judging by the looks of respect and awe that the other New Directions guys were giving the newest member of their little club.

''Ofcourse, what else was I supposed to do to pass the time before school?'' Harry questioned, sounding honestly confused about it.

''That's so unfair!'' Puck whined. ''I need to get laid.'' He grumbled.

''I'll do it!'' Harry volunteered, raising his hand eagerly. Puck actually paused for a moment to consider the mechanics of such a thing. He'd tried anal with a few milfs before, so he was pretty certain that it couldn't be that much different. As he began picturing how something like that would go, he immediately got the visual of banging Harry through a door and quickly shook the images from his head. To his surprise he found the green eyed boy was now standing in front of him, pointing triumphantly.

''I saw that! You were totally thinking about it. That counts as consent!'' Harry crowed in victory.

''What the hell are yo...aahh!'' Puck yelped as the smaller boy suddenly sprang forwards, tackling him out of his seat.

''Santana help me! Someone? Rape!'' The mohawked teen wailed.

''Don't be such a whiny bitch Puckerman.'' Harry jabbed, as the two of them rolled across the floor grappling with each other. Santana crossed her arms across her chest and shook her head fondly at the sight.

''Those boys of mine.'' She sighed, her lips curling in amusement at the impeding sexual assault.

''What's going on in here?'' Mr Schuester asked as he entered the room, staring at them sceptically. ''Puck, get off of Harry.'' The teacher scolded, noticing the two boys occupying the floor.

The British student was laying flat on his back with his legs splayed, and Puck in between them pinning the smaller boy to the ground. Or at least that's what it looked like. In reality Harry was holding him between his legs, by gripping the other boy's hips with his freakishly strong thighs.

''Sorry Mr Schue, I tried to get him to stop, but he's absolutely insatiable sometimes.'' Harry apologised on Puck's behalf.

''Lies!'' Puck squawked indignantly as both boys scrambled back to their feet. Harry shuffled around slightly, before suddenly remembering something.

''Oh yeah, here's your boxers back.'' He apologised, holding them out to Puck for him to take. The larger boy stared back at him with his jaw hanging, before swiftly lifting the waistband of his jeans to check on his state of dress. Upon finding that the undergarments he'd been wearing were in fact gone, Puck wasn't sure how to react.

''How the fuck did you do that? They're not even ripped or anything!'' The larger boy protested, as he snatched the boxers from Harry's hand.

''I'm a sex ninja.'' Harry explained with a shrug of his shoulders. Santana raised her hands in the air in agreement. ''Preach.'' She intoned, concurring with her friend.

''You. Are. Terrifying.'' Puck informed the Brit, staring at him warily and slowly backing away.

''Thanks, you're sexy.'' Harry responded in kind.

''I wasn't complimenting you! I meant that you are genuinely disturbing on a number of levels. I'm pretty sure that you're the reason that children cry and puppies get cancer.'' Puck retorted, attempting to set the boy straight about his assumption.

''Oh now you're just trying to turn me on! Stop with the dirty talk you big flirt.'' Harry teased, smacking the other boy on the arm as a rebuke. Puck sighed in aggravation, whilst rubbing his abused arm. It was probably best to just ignore it and move on, but he couldn't help but have one more dig at his quirky friend.

''One day you're going to get some ridiculously dangerous comeuppance from karma, for being such a dick.'' The jock grumbled, prompting Harry to laugh at him. It was at that moment that one Sue Sylvester popped her head into the choir room.

''Green eyes, i'm firing you out of a giant cannon across the football field. Don't forget to make peace with everyone you've ever wronged before your potential demise, which will likely be caused by impact fractures to your cranium. See you in practice in five minutes.'' She barked, leaving no room for any argument as she immediately disappeared back into the hallway.

The glee club stared at where she'd been standing, unsure of whether she was being serious or not. Harry however looked mildly intrigued by the information that the cheerleading coach had imparted to him.

''I've had a lot of shit try to kill me before, but a giant cannon is definitely a new one.'' Harry announced, bouncing excitedly at the mere thought of a new form of bodily harm..

''I'm sure she was just joking Harry.'' Mr Schuester told him, mistaking the boy's excitement for nerves.

''Not likely.'' Santana butted in. ''Me and Brittany went with her to pick the cannon up, and she already got approval from the National Cheerleading Association.'' She informed them all, ignoring Harry's correction of her statement to 'Brittany and I'.

''What?'' Mr Schue demanded, sounding outraged on his students behalf. The man immediately stomped towards the door, no doubt heading to the principals office to complain about this latest injustice. ''Don't worry Harry i'll take care of this.'' He reassured the boy, before he abruptly left the room, leaving the entirety of New Directions to discuss Harry's imminent demise.

''Sucks to be you, I call dibs on your hot tub.'' Santana told him unsympathetically, whilst idly filing her nails.

''Just for that comment, I really hope that I get aimed directly at you.'' Harry retorted grumpily.

''Dude, you're not seriously going to let her shoot you out of a cannon are you?'' Sam asked him, sounding deeply concerned. Harry shrugged.

''I suppose so. If I don't do it then she'll probably force someone else, and they might die or something.'' He reasoned.

''But you could be seriously hurt!'' Tina protested. ''...And since when do you care that much about other people?'' She added sceptically.

''I have a saving people thing.'' Harry informed her. The others fixed him with disbelieving stares, bringing an indignant pout to his face. ''I do! I can't help It that i'm a naturally giving person.'' Harry told them all sullenly. He slouched down in his chair and crossed his arms across his chest, scowling at nothing. ''You guys are so mean to me.''

''Uh huh, _we're_ mean.'' Puck sarcastically agreed.

''So Harry's getting shot head first out of a weapon of war?'' Artie summarised in careful consideration. ''At least things can't get any worse.'' He finally decided after brief deliberation.

''I cannot believe that you just said that!'' Harry accused, pointing at the bespectacled boy dramatically. ''That's like giving Fate a green light to fuck me in the ass without any lube!'' He complained.

''You're overreacting. What's the worst that can happen?'' Rachel asked him, trying and failing to reassure her team mate.

''You just won't be satisfied until the universe is riding my ass with a twenty inch strap on, will you Berry?'' Harry sneered disdainfully.

* * *

By lunch time, it became apparent that Artie and Rachel's callous mockery of Murphy's Law, had indeed resulted in shit hitting the fan. Apparently Coach Beiste and Mr Schuester had come up with the bright idea of forcing the football team to join the glee club, in performing the half time show for the upcoming game. One may wonder why the club was doing the half time show in the first place. The answer to that question could be condensed into two simple words. Sue Sylvester.

The tyrannical cheerleading overlord had recently become disillusioned with the lacklustre performances of her squad, and with a seventh consecutive National title on the line, she had decided to pull out all the stops. Which meant that she expected her Cheerios to do the same, and also explained why Harry, Santana, Brittany and Quinn had been called to her office.

''You want us to quit glee club?'' Quinn parroted her coach's recent words. ''Coach Sylvester, that hardly seems fair.'' She protested lamely.

''Sorry Q, but those are the breaks. We all have to make sacrifices in order for me to succeed. And that steaming dung pile of talentless loserdom, that you all associate with, is an unnecessary distraction.'' Sue apologised with about as much sincerity as Bill Clinton.

''But coach that's not-'' Santana began, only to be cut off.

''Enough!'' Sue snapped, eyeing her underlings sternly. ''You three have a choice to make. You can maintain your social status and winning streak with the Cheerios, or you can hand in your uniforms and condemn yourselves to the depressing ambience provided by Will Schuester's grotesque hair. I expect your answers by the end of the day.'' She briskly informed them, before handing each of the three girls a slip of paper detailing their resignation from New Directions.

Both Santana and Quinn were surprised and confused. Neither of them had missed the fact that Harry wasn't given a permission slip, or that Sue had specifically stated that only 'three' of the them had a choice to make. Had Harry already made his? And what made Coach Sylvester so confidant that the boy had chosen the Cheerios? Sure he was the team captain, but he genuinely seemed to enjoy glee club. Santana eyed the expression on his face thoughtfully. Over the last few months she'd gotten fairly good at anticipating Harry's somewhat mercurial moods, but at the moment his face was completely blank, despite the news that they'd just been given. When Harry looked like that, it was a good indicator that something convoluted and potentially crazy was brewing beneath the surface of his calm façade. The question was whether it would be bad for New Directions or for Coach Sue? Santana knew one thing, wherever Harry went so would her nation. She was loyal and awesome like that.

''Coach, may I speak to you privately for a moment?'' Harry requested politely. It was the first time that he'd spoken out since the impromptu meeting had began. Sue looked mildly curious about his request.

''Leave us.'' She commanded, not sparing the three girls so much as a glance. Quinn and Brittany quickly vacated the room without looking back, which was probably wise. As Quinn left she was looking conflicted about something. Santana was unsure of which team the blonde would choose in the end. The glee club had supported her in a time of need, even though she was blonde enough to let Puckerman knock her up. But on the other hand, popularity and the Cheerios were a symbol of normalcy and seemed to mean a lot to her, for reasons that Santana wasn't completely certain of.

On the way out the Latina attempted to catch Harry's eye, but he purposely avoided her gaze. She didn't know what was going on with him, but he was clearly preoccupied with something and it was probably related to their Coach's ultimatum.

''Some time today Chesty Laboob.'' Sue barked, prompting the dark haired girl to hurry her steps towards the door. With one more brief glance in Harry's direction, she departed from the room. No sooner had she crossed the threshold than the door slammed violently shut behind her, making her jump in surprise. She'd love to be a fly on that wall.

* * *

''What's on your mind kiddo?'' Sue asked him, without looking up from the paperwork that she had chosen to occupy herself with. She was mildly curious as to what her nephew wanted.

''Really? You actually expect me to believe that you don't have any idea what i'm thinking? I'm not a naive eleven year old anymore, so spare me the evasive questioning.'' Harry sneered, his arms crossed imperiously across his chest.

Sue raised an eyebrow at the teenagers demand. She eyed him for a moment, silently judging how serious he was, before nodding to herself in acceptance. He was serious alright.

''Okay then. Let's lay our cards on the table.'' She conceded. ''You're angry that I dragged you across the Atlantic ocean and forced you to join a group of singing dorks, and then made you put hard time and effort into making them better, just so that you could bring them under my sway and win Nationals with them using my suggestions, thus bringing greater prestige to the name of Sue Sylvester.'' Sue accurately surmised, eyeing the frowning boy across the desk from her. ''Now i'm asking you to throw all that effort away for nothing. Your displeasure is understandable but ultimately boring, so just say whatever angry rant you've concocted and get out of my office.'' She finished, eyeing him distastefully.

''You're spot on.'' Harry said, confirming her observations. ''But you left out the part where I call you clinically insane, for assuming that I'd choose flipping about waving pompoms in skin tight pants, over performing and socialising with a cluster of weirdos.'' He told her coldly.

Sue, for the first time in a while, felt thrown completely off balance. If she didn't know any better she'd assume that her young relative was openly defying her. But that was ofcourse impossible. Harry was intelligent, driven and selfish, but he was also obedient and loyal to a very select few. And she happened to be one of those few, which was something that she was fully willing to take advantage of. Hence how she'd gotten him to relocate to America on a mere whim without him disagreeing about it. Now she realised that even if she was successful in taking over the glee club, it would mean nothing if her Cheerios broke their winning streak. So she had elected to turn her full focus towards gaining yet another National title. Which also meant that she didn't want to waste any time or resources trying to oust Schuester from his position. Harry should have been completely willing to abandon New Directions, but for some reason he seemed displeased by her decision.

''I'm resigning from the ranks of you hapless whores.'' Harry informed her scathingly, much to her shock. ''I've put too much effort into the choir to bail out now. Believe it or not, but I actually enjoy the shenanigans that they get into, even if being around them is like staring at a number of fun house mirrors. By which I mean distorted, unappealing and reminiscent of being on drugs, but still amusing regardless.''

Sue stared at him for a moment, her face displaying the rare emotion of complete disbelief. Harry remained unphased by her reaction, even as her visage slowly shifted to that of unholy rage. He did however tense in preparation for whatever the woman's response would be.

''You dare defy me?'' She hissed, rising slowly from her seat and narrowing her hawk like gaze upon him.

''I'm doing more than that. Just ignoring your wishes would be boring. So instead of defiance, I've chosen to completely ruin your precious harem of barbie dolls, starting with taking Santana, Brittany and Quinn and getting them to quit the squad in favour of the glee club.'' He boldly declared, staring down his tyrannical aunt without so much as flinching.

To his surprise Sue's expression cleared at his words, the anger now being replaced by amusement. ''Good luck with that brat. If there's one thing I know it's teenage girls, seeing as most of my replacement body parts are around that age. And teenagers crave the sensation of superiority over their peers. The Cheerios can give them that, whereas I sincerely doubt that you can promise the same.'' She pointed out tauntingly. Harry scoffed at her words.

''Oh please, I could rule this school in a matter of hours If I so chose. But that's not the reason that they're going to come with me. They're going to follow me because New Directions is about to undergo the upgrade to championship status, with me bankrolling the operation for inevitable glitz, glamour and victory.'' He claimed with complete self assurance.

''You wouldn't dare.'' Sue told him, her tone holding a hint of warning.

''Hmm, what would double the Cheerios annual budget be?'' Harry questioned innocently. ''That sounds like it would come in handy.''

Sue stared at him, feeling momentarily torn over how to respond. Finally she decided that only one form of reply was suitable for such betrayal. Reaching into the front of her tracksuit, she plucked out a remote and quickly pressed the button. The floor beneath Harry's seat snapped open, dropping the chair that he'd been sitting on into a dark hole. Fortunately Harry had anticipated this move, and leapt aside the instant his aunt had drawn the device.

''You'll have to do better than that.'' Harry informed her, feeling rather insulted at the lack of creativity that was put into incapacitating him.

''Actually that was just a distraction, so that you wouldn't notice Becky sneaking up behind you with the chloroform.'' Sue revealed. Before Harry could even process that statement, a damp rag was placed over his mouth and nose, sending him crashing to the floor and into blissful unconsciousness.

Becky looked down at the fallen boy. ''Is he gonna be okay Coach?'' She asked her idol curiously. Harry was always nice to her, so she hoped that her mentor wasn't going to hurt him.

''He'll be fine, if cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust, then i'm sure he can survive what I have planned.'' Sue told the girl, dismissing her concerns as trivial.

She had always known that there was a seventeen percent chance that Harry would go against her, and so she had put in place a fool proof plan to remove him from the picture. With him safely out of the way she'd be unopposed in her destruction of the glee club. The boy would rue the day that he crossed Sue Sylvester.

* * *

''Wait a second, you're saying that Harry just left? In the middle of a school day? Without saying goodbye? To move to San Francisco and have a sex change operation?'' Santana asked in disbelief.

The glee club had been in the middle of a meeting with Coach Beiste and the football team, when Coach Sylvester had burst into the room, in the middle of Puck and Rachel's duet. According to her Harry had left Lima, despite the numerous gaping holes in her story she assured them that it was true.

''But I was at his apartment this morning, and he hadn't packed any of his stuff.'' Santana pointed out.

''He said that he'll send for his things.'' Sue quickly explained.

''He left his bag in my locker after second period.'' Mercedes added, feeling equally sceptical.

''He said that any luggage would merely slow him down, in his quest to gain a vagina of his own.'' Sue countered.

''Harry wouldn't just ditch us. Besides weren't you the main reason he came here anyway?'' Puck demanded.

''I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about, and that Mohawk in no way brings your sexuality into question.'' Sue retorted sarcastically, prompting Puck's hands to start nervously patting at his strip of hair.

''You guys are all freaks.'' Azimio muttered, from amongst his fellow football players.

''Yeah, who cares if that fag is gone, if he were here right now then I'd...'' Whatever Karofsky was about to say was cut off by the door flying open, in a manner that only one person could be responsible for.

''Finish that sentence you porky closet case, and i'll turn you into the world's ugliest throw rug.'' Harry threatened, as he strode menacingly into the room. The sudden chill that swept through those assembled was hard to explain, given the fact that the weather was pleasantly mild that day.

''Harry you're okay...and wearing nothing but boots and boxer shorts...what the hell?'' Tina happily noted.

''Impossible!'' Sue declared, pointing at the boy in accusation. ''How did you get out of those chains? You should be two hours off shore locked in a shipping crate, on the way to Timbuktu by now!''

''Oh I was.'' Harry told her. ''But you forgot about Hedwig. Not only does she have exceptional navigational abilities, but her lock picking skills are second to none.'' He explained smugly, as his beloved owl fluttered through the doorway and alighted gracefully on her master's shoulder.

Sue mentally cursed at having miscalculated so badly. She knew that she'd one day regret letting her nephew genetically splice his pet with preserved DNA from Velociraptor fossils, and apparently that day had come.

''How did you get passed the alligators?'' The cheerleading coach further questioned him, out of idle curiosity.

Harry pointed at his feet, bringing everyone's attention to his boots and the fact that they appeared to be made out of some form of reptile hide.

''So you escaped being bound from head to toe in chains and getting locked in a steel crate sealed with a blowtorch. You killed a trio of giant alligators, each of which was a proven man eater, and you did so presumably with your bare hands. After that you somehow got off of a heavily monitored cargo vessel and made it seven miles back to shore, whilst miraculously finding the time to fashion yourself serviceable but stylish footwear from the skins of your vanquished foes?'' Sue summarised, leaving the room staring between her and Harry as though assessing whether she was serious.

''Indeed I did.'' Harry affirmed proudly.

''Unimpressive.'' Sue sneered. ''Frankly I expected you to be here about fifteen minutes ago.''

''Hey it's not my fault that the guy, who's car I hijacked to get here from the beach, kept giving me the wrong directions!'' Harry protested, trying in vain to defend his badassness from his aunt's criticism.

''Regardless, I expect better from one of my relations. Next time I want you to shave that time in half.'' The Coach scolded.

Puck's eyes widened at the insane woman's words. He glanced around at everybody else, but to his confusion they seemed completely unaffected by her revelation. He decided to find out what was going on. Hoping against attracting the attention of the two alpha predators facing off in the middle of the room, Puck leaned slowly towards Mike in the seat next to his.

''Wow, Harry's related to Coach Sylvester. That sure is a shock.'' He whispered discretely, doing an appalling job of acting surprised. Mike looked at him in bewilderment.

''Dude, you didn't know that? It's all over his Facebook.'' The Asian boy pointed out.

''Plus Rachel discovered it during her routine search for potential spies.'' Tina added, leaning over from her boyfriend's other side to add her two cents.

''Jacob Ben Israel announced it over the loudspeaker like two weeks ago, that's why Harry hung him from the flag pole and covered him in raw meat...I didn't even know that we had Bald eagles in Ohio before that.'' Artie chipped in from in front of them, having overheard the conversation.

''Seriously? So I've been keeping that juicy ass gossip to myself for no reason? I thought I was being a good friend!'' Puck whined indignantly. He couldn't believe that everyone knew already, it was so unfair.

His attention was returned to the family confrontation in the centre of the room when he heard Harry's next declaration.

''You've gone too far this time aunt Sue.'' The dark haired Brit boldly claimed.

''Really?'' Sue asked him, sounding highly doubtful of that fact.

''Okay not really. I suppose that you didn't do anything extreme, but i'm still pissed off that I had to take a dip in the Atlantic ocean.'' Harry amended peevishly.

''Nothing extreme?'' Quinn murmured faintly, as she mentally reviewed the atrocities that Sue had claimed to have put Harry through. Suddenly the blonde felt that it was a very good idea to never get on either of their bad sides. She fancied herself as being clever, ambitious and bitchy, but that family took power games to lengths that defied all logic.

''I grow tired of your incessant whining.'' Sue abruptly decided, turning her back on Harry in a sign of disrespect. ''Come my minions, we must prepare for our next offensive.'' Sue commanded the three Cheerios in the room.

''Satan, Angelcake, bitch I don't like, stay where you are.'' Harry ordered, ignoring Quinn's sputtering at the manner in which she was addressed.

''I said come!'' Sue repeated, snapping her fingers sharply. ''Good dogs are so hard to find these days.'' The cheerleading coach muttered conspiratorially to Coach Beiste and Mr Schuester, both of whom could only gape stupidly at her words.

''They're staying right here.'' Harry insisted. ''After all without the four of us, your squad lacks the required star power for you to win Nationals. And when you lose, the Cheerios remaining funding for the year will be funnelled into the school's other clubs. Which when added to the rather sizeable donation that I just made to Principal Figgins, means that the glee club's annual budget will eclipse that of even Vocal Adrenaline.'' He pointed out smugly.

''I think I love him.'' Rachel whispered, watching Harry reverently. The other glee club members exchanged looks of delight at their apparent financial gain. It was about time that they managed to one up Coach Sylvester.

''Get in line girly.'' Puck spoke up, challenging Rachel's words. Those around him stared in surprise. ''What? He's standing almost naked in alligator skin boots, whilst carrying out acts of almost cartoonish villainy, anyone who says they aren't turned on by that is full of shit.'' The mohawked teen defended.

''Truth.'' Santana agreed wholeheartedly, whilst absently caressing herself. ''He is so getting laid tonight.''

Sue seemed at a loss when both Brittany and Santana remained sitting, Quinn looked reluctant but surprisingly Finn of all people managed to keep her seated as well.

''You think that I need you sagging Jezebels to succeed?'' Sylvester asked mockingly. ''And even if by some miraculous stroke of fate I did happen to fail, you still wouldn't get your hands on my squad's funding. That's what illegal offshore bank accounts were made for.'' She asserted confidently.

Harry paused at that revelation, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. ''Hmm, If only I'd anticipated that and had a genius hacker at my disposal...oh wait, I do!'' The green eyed boy looked towards the corner of the room. ''Hermione, did you get all of that?'' He queried.

Everyone jumped when a disembodied voice answered him, out of a hidden speaker that the club had been unaware of. ''It's taken care of Harry. I've already siphoned the funds and had them deposited back into the school's accounts under the guise of a donation from Potter Trading Inc.'' The evidently female person answered, her voice tinged with amusement.

''Granger.'' Sue cursed in realisation, glaring in the general direction of where she was certain that a camera must be.

''Hello Ms Sylvester, I trust that you are well?'' Hermione crisply replied.

Well that was certainly annoying. Sue hadn't anticipated Harry getting his little friends involved. Hermione Granger was nothing short of brilliant, her one failing was her moral calibre and tendency towards straight forward thinking. Unfortunately the erratic thought process of Luna Lovegood and Harry's complete disregard for rules and order, rounded out the girl's shortcomings. Combine the three of them with Hedwig's affinity towards espionage and you had a group that had risen to legendary status in the halls of Hogwarts, overshadowing even the legacy of the legendary Marauders.

''So, it seems that I finally find myself up against _that_ group.'' Sue hissed, though she mentally acknowledged that she had temporarily been bested and felt a surge of pride in her nephew's resourcefulness. It was damn near impossible to one up Sue Sylvester, and anyone that managed to do so deserved her respect, followed by a swift and painful demise.

''That's right aunt Sue.'' Harry agreed, before speaking seemingly to the room at large. ''Good morning Angel's!'' He chirped.

''Good morning Harry.'' Luna dutifully responded as she arrived, entering the room with perfect timing.

''Hoot.'' Hedwig added in synchronicity with the blonde.

''You do realise that's it's the middle of the afternoon?'' Hermione observed over her speaker, neglecting to give the proper response.

''Damn your accurate time keeping woman!'' Harry groused, shaking his fist in the direction of the computer genius's camera.

''Are you shaking your fist at me?'' Hermione snapped.

''No mam.'' Harry quickly denied, lowering his hand to his side. ''This is why Hedwig is the lead Angel, ya bossy know it all.'' He muttered under his breath.

''You do realise that this sound equipment can pick up everything you just said don't you?'' Hermione asked him sweetly.

''No I did not, but I'll be sure to remember that in the future.'' Harry assured her unapologetically. As long as she was half the world away he was safe. ''Anyway the point is that Harry's Angels are back in action!'' He crowed joyously.

''You put together a group of chicks called Harry's Angels?'' Sam questioned. ''Dude, that's awesome.'' The blonde boy told him approvingly.

''Yeah I know. It was going to be called Harry's Harem, but Hermione wouldn't stop punching me in the face.'' Harry stated, rubbing his jaw in remembered pain.

''Enough of your clownish antics!'' Sue roared, making those assembled flinch in fear. ''You may have won this round Angels, but no one crosses General Zodd and gets away with it. Enjoy your temporary victory, but you haven't seen the last of me! Mwahahaha!'' With her crazed declaration Sue extracted a small white orb from her pocket and swiftly smashed it on the floor, enveloping the room in a cloud of pungent smoke.

The New Directions and the gathered football players began coughing at the lungful of fumes that they all received, but fortunately the smokescreen dispersed as quickly as it came. To no ones surprise Coach Sylvester was gone, and Mr Schuester now lay on the ground with a emptied trash bin dumped on his head, clutching at his abused testicles.

''Well that was certainly over dramatic.'' Harry observed, eyeing the after effects of Sue's departure curiously from his new position seated on Puck's lap, with Luna perched on Harry's. Noah was unsurprised at their sudden change of location, but there was one thing that he just had to know.

''Dude...where the hell did you get that shirt and pants?'' He demanded, eyeing Harry's new ensemble of dark jeans and a sleeveless white t-shirt.

''Luna brought them for me, that's why she showed up.'' The green eyed boy breezily explained.

''No I meant how did you get changed that fast?'' Puck clarified.

''Luna.'' Harry answered simply, giving the blonde girl on his lap a squeeze. Puck wisely chose not to enquire further about the matter.

''Who the heck is General Zodd?'' Finn pondered, speaking up from where the rest of the glee club sat looking only mildly surprised at the events that had transpired.

''I believe that it's Coach Sylvester's alter ego...or she could be schizophrenic, which would explain a lot.'' Rachel added.

The football players, who had remained almost completely silent throughout the weirdness that had occurred, finally found the wits to react.

''Coach Beiste?'' Azimio whispered, with his eyes still trained on the glee club.

''Yeah boy?'' The football coach asked him.

''We'll do the half time show, we'll wear fricken tutus If we have to...just keep _him_ the hell away from us!'' He pleaded, pointing at an oblivious Harry who waved back at them with a cheery smile.

''I think that can be arranged.'' Beiste told him. She was pleased that her team had decided not to give her anymore trouble, but all things considered she couldn't really blame them. That Harry kid was just plain terrifying.

''Do you think we could get him to go after the hockey team?'' One of the footballers asked curiously. They were always eager to find a way to get back at the other rival sports club.

''Hey good idea.'' Sam agreed, having overheard the boy. The blonde cupped his hands around his mouth. ''Hey Harry, the hockey team said that you hit like a girl.'' He called out.

''Meh.'' The raven shrugged uncaringly.

''They said that your ass only rated an eight out of ten.'' Santana chipped in helpfully.

''They what? Mother fuckers! Luna where'd I leave my war mace?'' The Brit snarled, surging menacingly to his feet and bumping Luna off of his lap.

''I checked the camera in your bedroom, it's under your right pillow.'' Hermione's voice rang out.

''Thanks Mione!'' Harry called as he jogged out of the room.

''You have a camera in his bedroom?'' Santana asked aloud.

''Yes and his shower.'' Hermione answered mischievously.

''So that means that you saw...''

''Yep.''

''With the...''

''Yes indeed.''

''Huh...so what did you think?''

''I'd give you an A+ for execution.''

''Wanky.''

**AN/ Next chapter Sue loses her Nationals and recruits new members for the League of Doom that are more familiar with her current opponents. League of Doom vs Harry's Angels, who shall triumph? Finn and Rachel split, Rachel and Harry BOND?**


	9. It's a Boy

**AN/ Hey huys, my break from writing is over and i'm back in action! I'll now be updating at least once a week, as usual.**

**I've changed the original layout for this chapter. The party at Rachel's was initially going to happen, but I've decided to save that convoluted mess for the next chapter. I held off on the light Rachel/Harry bonding for now, since some people seemed hesitant, but it is going to happen lol.**

**One thing I want to mention is the presence of Teddy in this chapter. Sorry for people who don't like it, but for reasons I won't mention, it was very important to give Andromeda a reason to visit Lima before heading to New York. This story is now moving into the plot, now that Harry is all settled in at McKinley.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, if I did Puck, Blaine and Brody would be acting out my sinister fangirl fantasies. I also don't own Harry Potter quite yet, but the plan is in place.**

**WARNING: There's SMUT in this chapter. It is clearly indicated where and when it begins and ends, so it's easy to avoid, so I don't want to hear any bitching. I have mentioned that I really suck at writing porn, hopefully this will convince everyone that asked for some that I shouldn't be doing it lol.**

''I hate you.'' Harry grumbled bitterly.

''No you don't, you love me.'' Luna countered, with complete self assurance.

''Fine, i'm very annoyed with you then.'' Harry corrected himself. ''But I do hate _you_!'' He added, turning to the other woman in the room.

''We're Blacks darling. Hatred comes as second nature to us.'' Andromeda informed him archly, completely dismissing his ire.

''Since I ended up with granddad's surname, i'm not technically a Black at all.'' Harry stubbornly retorted.

''Your grandmother would beg to differ, rest her soul.'' The older woman sighed, reminiscing her deceased great aunt. Dorea Potter nee Black had been a formidable woman, much like most of the females in her family, even the crazy ones.

''Really?'' Harry wondered sceptically. ''I didn't think anyone on that side of my family tree had a soul to rest.'' He snidely commented.

''There are exceptions to every rule dear.'' Andromeda reminded him pointedly, whilst indicating herself with a impeccably manicured hand.

''By which you mean Tonks ofcourse.'' The boy agreed, ignoring her not so subtle hint in regards to her ensouled state.

Good old Nymphadora Tonks. Harry missed that woman keenly, as much as Sirius and Remus even. But her legacy would forever live on with her son, and her reputation at Hogwarts that earned her the famed title of 'Dora the crotch explorer'. Remus really had been a lucky bastard to score a piece that hot.

''I'm not so sure that this thing has a soul though.'' Harry noted, holding up the squirming lump in his lap and carefully examining it.

''Be careful with the baby.'' Andromeda snapped.

''I am!'' Harry protested, even as he tilted his infant godson upside-down, much to the child's delight. ''It still doesn't do very much though, does it?'' He observed, poking the giggling baby experimentally.

''Stop that!'' Andromeda chided, reaching out and clipping the teenager around the ear.

''I'm being careful.'' Harry whined, settling the babe into the crook of his arm. ''Teddy likes being manhandled. Don't you Teddy bear? Yes you do.'' He cooed, rubbing their noses together.

It had at first been an unwelcome surprise, to awaken that morning to his doorbell insistently ringing. He'd staggered to the front door, fully prepared to rip the spine out of whoever had disturbed his slumber, but had been brought up short upon finding the regal form of Andromeda Tonks nee Black standing upon his doorstep.

The woman had imperiously barged her way into his home, and immediately begun criticising his décor, without so much as a by your leave. She was greeted by a cheerful Luna, who had emerged from the guest room after hearing all of the noise. The fact that the blonde girl didn't seem surprised, by the unexpected presence of the imposing woman and her infant grandson, had sent alarm bells ringing in Harry's mind. Apparently Andromeda had been invited by her younger sister, to spend a few weeks with her in New York, and she had decided to take a respite from baby care at the same time.

It had been agreed upon after the deaths of Remus and Dora, that Harry would take up the roll of father figure in Teddy's life, and that he and Andromeda would share custody when Harry reached twenty-one. Until then, he only had Teddy for two weeks in the summer, with periodic visits throughout the year and the occasional night of baby sitting. But Narcissa, the meddling bitch, had convinced her older sister to take a much needed break and give Harry the chance to practice his child rearing skills. Sometimes he really hated that woman, if she wasn't such a milf he'd of disliked her simply for squeezing out Draco.

Now Harry was stuck with the baby for who knew how long, and Luna had been aware of the arrangement the whole time. Andromeda had expressed concern that Harry would be at school for several hours a day, even though he didn't have to attend, but Luna had volunteered to come and stay with her friend and watch over Teddy whilst Harry was at McKinley.

The three women had conspired against him, and left him in a position where he was unable to refuse them. Part of him could appreciate the scheming involved, but evil plans were decidedly less fun when he was the victim of them.

''You realise that i'm going to transform your grandson into the source of all evil?'' Harry asked, spearing Andromeda with a death glare.

''Knock yourself out.'' The older woman permitted. ''Teddy is starting to enunciate vowel sounds though, so he should start talking properly any time now, which means that you need to watch your language.'' The woman warned him sternly.

''Sure sure.'' Harry absently agreed, whilst in reality paying no attention, as he was trying to extract his ear from Teddy's rather impressive grip.

''You've got the list I gave you, and you have my number if anything crops up that you can't handle.'' Andromeda reminded him, as she rose gracefully from her seat and snatched her grandson from Harry's grasp in order to say her goodbye's.

''Be a good boy for your godfather and Luna, okay sweetheart?'' She murmured softly, receiving a stream of baby babble in response. ''And do try not to pick up any of Harry's unsavoury habits.''

''Oi! I resent that.'' Harry protested, as he reached out and snagged the baby back from her, with a triumphant grin. ''Yoink, mine now.'' He teased.

The Black matriarch shot him a spine chilling look for his rough handling of her grandson, but ultimately decided not to comment on it. If Harry didn't want to pay attention, then it would be about as futile as addressing a brick wall.

''Have fun boys.'' Andromeda told them, giving both Teddy and Harry a kiss on the cheek. ''It was lovely to see you too Luna dear, thanks so much for your help.'' She informed the girl, as she swept her into a brief hug. And with that, she gave them all one last wave as she sauntered majestically from the room, with her usual smooth glide and impeccable posture.

''I'll see you all in a few weeks.'' She promised as she departed, before slamming the door closed behind her.

Silence reigned in the apartment for a few moments, before the owner of the property elected to break it.

''This is totally your fault.'' Harry groused, fixing Luna with an accusing stare and gesturing at the baby in his arms meaningfully.

''I'm sorry Harry. But don't worry, I'll be here to help the whole time.'' The girl solemnly vowed, bringing a begrudging smile to the boy's face. ''Well, I'd better get going.'' She chirped, as she grabbed her purse and headed for the front door.

''Wait, what? You just said that you'd be here the whole time!'' Harry indignantly reminded her.

''I lied!'' She called back at him cheerily, before slamming the door behind her. He really needed to consider associating with people that knew how to open and close things without all the drama. His repair bills for doorways were disturbingly numerous.

The boy stood thinking, staring balefully at the spot where Luna had vanished. Glancing down at Teddy, who was happily slobbering on Harry's shoulder, he posed the babe a question.

''So...who wants to turn Luna's favourite sweater into a diaper?'' Harry queried.

The baby garbled in response, and continued num-numming on his godfather's T-shirt with great enthusiasm.

''I choose to interpret that as agreement.''

* * *

''So have you even seen your aunt, since she literally went up in smoke and the Cheerios lost Nationals?'' Tina asked, as she walked alongside Harry and Mercedes through the Westerville mall.

The fact that Coach Sylvester hadn't resurfaced to reap bloody revenge upon them all, made them highly uneasy.

''Nope, which probably means she's plotting unholy vengeance or something equally banal. But enough about her, you guys promised to entertain me!'' Harry reminded them, carelessly dismissing the thought of his possible demise, as he reached into the pram he was pushing and popped Teddy's pacifier back into the baby's mouth.

''We never promised anything. You whined like a child that Santana and Luna were out on a date and that you were bored, then you just invited yourself along on our shopping trip.'' Mercedes pointed out, with exasperated amusement.

''I agreed to carry your bags didn't I?'' Harry countered.

''Yes, and yet somehow both of us are still laden down with purchases, while you're not carrying a single thing.'' Tina observed, scowling in displeasure. ''I thought the British were supposed to be gentlemanly?'' She questioned.

''That's a common misconception. It's the accent that causes it. Even when we're complete bastards it still lends us a certain suave aura. I mean just look at Hugh Grant, what the hell is actually likeable about that man? And James Bond would just be a sleazy womaniser without his smooth British ramblings.'' Harry animatedly explained. ''And besides, I need my hands free for the baby, so I can't carry anything.'' He added belatedly.

''I'll push him!'' Mercedes eagerly volunteered.

''No! You held him like five minutes ago, I wanna push him.'' Tina whined.

''How about Mercedes pushes him now, and you can do it after lunch?'' Harry interjected reasonably.

Both girls shared a brief glance, before silently deciding to just smile and nod in agreement. Teddy had been an instant hit with the ladies of New Directions, and he'd spent most of the morning being passed around like a peace pipe. Though the little bugger did seem to enjoy it. Blacks were attention whores by nature after all, even if Teddy carried a different surname he couldn't fight his genes. None of the girls could believe that Harry was basically a father, for all intents and purposes, and were even more stumped by the fact that he was actually good at it.

''I need to get Sam something for his birthday.'' The boy in their trio declared, abruptly changing the topic of conversation.

''You know when Sam's birthday is?'' Tina questioned curiously. ''Do you know mine?''

''June fourteenth.'' Harry immediately answered without hesitation, much to the Asian girls surprise.

''What's mine?'' Mercedes demanded.

''March tenth.'' Harry answered, again correctly. The two girls were both suitably impressed by his knowledge, and graced him with approving nods.

''So you know everyone's birthdays already? That's surprisingly sweet Harry.'' Tina commented, subtly praising him for his consideration.

''You better get me something good for mine rich boy.'' Mercedes warned him jokingly.

''As you command my lady.'' Harry acquiesced, sketching her a formal bow and attracting the bemused stares of passersby. The dark skinned girl reached out and smacked him around the head.

''Behave yourself.'' She chided, before rudely shoving her shopping into his chest. ''And carry my damn bags.'' She insisted, before suddenly seizing control of Teddy's pram from him.

''Ditto.'' Tina added, looping the handles of her own bags over the boy's arms.

''Yes mistress, ofcourse mistress.'' Harry dutifully intoned. ''Should you feel the need to punish me, might I suggest a vigorous spanking? I hate those.''

''Keep up your cheek and i'll bust out the riding crop.'' Tina cautioned teasingly.

''By all means, feel free to whip me raw.'' Harry permitted.

''You're terrible.'' Both girls told him in perfect synchronicity. ''And you shouldn't be such a perv in front of a baby.'' Mercedes added.

''Please, you totally love it. Plus i'm too adorable for you to get mad at me.'' The green eyed boy told them with complete self assurance. ''And Teddy is genetically destined to be bat shit insane, so it doesn't matter what I say, because he'll be saying far worse in a few years. Or a few weeks if I have my way.''

Tina grinned exasperatedly. With Kurt gone, Harry was definitely her favourite boy to hang out with, other than Mike ofcourse. Around most boys, even those that she considered her friends, she sometimes found conversations to be stilted due to a lack of mutual interests. That was one of the reasons that she broke up with Artie. But Harry's natural charisma just seemed to put people at ease, making conversation with him effortless. Even if their talks often centred around strange and inappropriate topics.

''Oh my gosh, I found the most beautiful leopard print scarf over there! You guys have to come see!'' The loud voice of Rachel Berry exclaimed as she came running back over to them, leading a weary Brittany by the arm. They'd been wondering where the two girls had gotten to.

''Who invited her again?'' Harry demanded, eyeing the brunette in displeasure.

''Be nice!'' Tina chided. ''She's really upset about her breakup with Finn.''

''I don't see why. Believe it or not, I actually think that she could do better.'' Harry replied, much to their surprise. ''Not that it's hard to do better than rock bottom.'' He added, wiping any trace of surprise from their faces.

''You're just pissy that she kissed Puckerman.'' Mercedes claimed.

''Am not!'' Harry refuted.

''Are too. Harry loves Puck, Harry loves Puck.'' Brittany singsonged as the two girls joined them.

''No, Harry _wanted_ Puck to bang him long and hard on the choir room piano.'' Harry bluntly corrected her, as he pictured doing exactly that. ''Emphasis on the wanted. Now I've grown bored of him though.'' He asserted snootily.

Brittany eyed her Harry sadly. She was sure he was feeling upset because Puck had been a big stupid jerk. She was a little annoyed with Santana for causing all these problems between everybody, by telling Rachel that she'd done stuff with Finn last year.

''Is that why you kissed Finn then? Because you were jealous of my liaisons with Noah?'' Rachel challenged him angrily.

''Nope. I did it because that idiot opened a kissing booth and I really wanted to fuck with his mind.'' Harry honestly answered. ''He surprisingly wasn't that bad with his tongue though, and he definitely knows what to do with his hands.'' He added tauntingly, causing Rachel to bristle with indignation.

''I still need to pick out something for Sam's birthday too.'' Mercedes suddenly interrupted, expertly trying to derail yet another round of Rachel whining and Harry verbally flaying her into emotional shreds.

The whole breakup of Finchel had been an epic cluster fuck. Rachel had been informed that Santana had slept with Finn last year, and decided that even though they hadn't been dating at the time, that Finn had somehow betrayed her. Puck had stupidly allowed Rachel to kiss him in revenge, and in the process ruined whatever friendship he'd managed to salvage with Finn after the legendary baby-gate scandal. Harry was grossly offended, and probably a little hurt, that Puck kissed Rachel at the drop of a hat, even though he'd been mutually flirting with the other boy for the passed few days. Apparently Puck would rather kiss someone he barely liked, and piss off a friend, than give Harry the time of day. When Finn had started up a kissing booth to raise money for the academic decathlon team, Harry had decided that it was a great idea to give Finn a one hundred dollar bill and make out with him in the hallway. To everyone's horror, the taller boy had actually reciprocated, mostly because he knew that Rachel hated Harry and that Puck seemed to like him a lot more than he would admit to.

So now Finn was angry at Puck, who was jealous of Finn, who was also mad at Rachel, who was furious with Harry, who was ignoring Puck, who helped cause the whole mess by kissing Rachel in the first place, and had now decided that he was allowed to like Harry 'coz he was a badass'. Everyone was a little pissed off at Santana for triggering the convoluted shenanigans, which had made the girl decidedly smug about the entire affair. On top of that, Quinn had cheated on Sam with Finn, and she was pissed off at Harry and Finn for the newly titled kissing booth fiasco. Meanwhile Sam was blaming Finn for stealing his girlfriend and Harry wanted to disembowel Quinn for hurting Sam's feelings. Finn and Quinn both had mono, due to Santana's machinations, yet somehow neither she nor Harry had caught it, despite having kissed people that were infected. Cluster fuck.

Even by New Directions standards things were getting dramatic. Everyone else was desperately trying not to get sucked into the situation, but it was surprisingly hard, what with how difficult it was to keep track of who was mad at who. More than half the club was at each others throats over it all. It was amazing that Harry and Rachel were willingly in the same place together.

''He likes all that science fiction stuff right?'' Mercedes questioned, hoping that talking about Sam's birthday would prove an adequate distraction.

''That's correct. Which is probably how he can stand being around Berry, what with her uncanny resemblance to Chewbacca.'' Harry commented.

''Callous, unfeeling, man whore.'' Rachel sniped cuttingly.

''Jewish Wookie.'' Harry shot back.

''Both of you, put your bitching on the back burner and save it for later, so that those of us who don't give a flying fuck don't have to listen to it.'' Tina snarled.

''Meow, kitty has her claws out today.'' Harry observed, though his tone was laced with approval at her aggressiveness.

''You must be rubbing off on me.'' Tina suggested snidely.

''Oh Tina.'' Harry murmured huskily, stepping smoothly into her personal space and gently cupping her jaw. ''I don't think Mike would appreciate It If I _rubbed off on you._'' He purred, turning the words absolutely filthy with his tone, whilst his eyes glinted with mischief.

''We really need to get you a shock collar or something, to tame your libido.'' Tina pondered, eyeing him consideringly.

By this point most of New Directions had become resistant to Harry's flirtations. Unless he really turned on the charm, in which case he became almost hypnotic. Every word, every gesture, every sinuous glide of muscle, was used perfectly to draw people in and put them under his evil spell. She couldn't even exaggerate how seductive he was when he wanted to be. She'd seen him lure in a man that Tina had been certain was completely straight, but with a casual touch of his elbow and a flash of emerald eyes, Harry had the waiter placing an order for Brittany that wasn't even on the damn menu. It was equal parts impressive and disturbing that he could be so casual about manipulating people. Sometimes it seemed that he was doing it subconsciously. He'd even been getting through to Puckerman's gay side, before he'd kissed Rachel and pissed Harry off.

''Tina? Why are you looking at me like something to dissect?'' Harry asked her, sounding more curious than wary.

''Probably because your a cold blooded amphibian.'' Rachel muttered, earning her a nasty glare from the boy.

''No reason, i'm just wondering what size collar to get you.'' Tina smoothly lied, dragging Harry's attention off of murdering Rachel.

''Does it come with a leash?'' Harry queried almost hopefully.

''Ofcourse, and with your choice of colour.'' Tina appeased him.

''Marvellous! Oh and next time you decide to psychoanalyse my manipulative tendencies, feel free to tell me your thoughts. It's always interesting to hear what people think is going on inside my head.'' Harry told her, as he resumed their walk, humming softly to himself and leaving the girl flabbergasted in his wake.

''I'm confused, is Harry going to turn himself into a puppy?'' Brittany questioned, wondering at his need for a leash. Harry would probably be a Rottweiler if he did.

''Chop chop ladies, those presents won't buy themselves.'' He called over his shoulder, jolting them from their reverie.

''Slow down, you damn pack mule!'' Mercedes commanded, stomping off after him with the pram in front of her.

Tina made a mental note that Harry may or may not be able to read minds...and that he really did have a spectacular ass. Maybe she could somehow coerce him and Mike into getting it on, for her amusement? Wow, that was a plan that had serious potential for abdominal related awesomeness. She was a sucker for a six pack after all. And Mike and Harry both had abs like Greek gods.

* * *

''Why are we here again?'' Jeff whined miserably.

''For shopping obviously. Honestly Jeff, are you always this slow on the uptake?'' Kurt asked the other Warbler.

''I meant, what are we shopping _for_?'' The blonde amended grouchily, whilst plodding along in the wake of his friends. Blaine, Kurt and Nick seemed perfectly happy to just flutter aimlessly from store to store, but Jeff really didn't understand the appeal of doing so.

''_For_?'' Blaine repeated, as though sampling a complex foreign word.

''When you go shopping, isn't it because you have something specific in mind that you'd like to buy?'' Jeff asked them all, trying to clarify his point. Kurt paused in his stride and eyed the other boy distastefully.

''Don't be such a boy Jeff.'' The fashionista scolded him.

''Yeah Jeff, shopping can be fun. You just have to browse until something catches your eye.'' Nick explained patiently.

''Whatever you say.'' Jeff mumbled morosely. What he wouldn't give for something interesting to happen.

''Hey, let's go to the GAP so we can ogle that guy that Blaine's got a crush on!'' Nick suggested.

''What guy?'' Kurt demanded suspiciously. He'd been trying not so subtly to get Blaine to realise that they were soul mates in time for Valentines day, but his coy and artfully subtle advances seemed to be completely lost of the other Warbler.

''That blonde dude with the crazy hair.'' Jeff explained for Kurt's benefit. ''Blaine thinks he's totally dreamy.''

''I only said that he was kinda cute.'' Blaine protested lamely. Although not as cute as certain other boys he'd met recently, he mentally added.

''Lets go!'' Kurt surprisingly agreed. He really wanted to get a look at the competition and if possible sabotage him.

''Go where?'' David asked curiously, as he Wes, Thad and Flint walked up behind their team mates. They had briefly broken off from the others to escape the increasingly girly atmosphere and had only just now returned, though it seemed they may have come back too soon.

''To the GAP to embarrass Blaine.'' Jeff informed them.

''With that boy he likes?'' Flint questioned, wrinkling his nose. ''I really don't see the attraction there.'' He admitted.

''Me neither.'' Jeff concurred.

''That's because you're straight...mostly.'' Blaine pointed out.

''It's hard to be completely straight when surrounded by you guys.'' Jeff defended, indicating Blaine, Kurt, Nick and Flint with his hand.

''Whatever.'' Nick dismissed. ''Lets go already. I need to get some new sweat pants while we're there, for when I'm having a fat day.'' He declared, hurrying the others along.

They headed up the nearest escalator, following the route to their intended destination. Kurt forced them to make several detours along the way, but they made it eventually. As they entered the store, they looked around for Blaine's person of interest but couldn't spot him anywhere.

''Maybe he's not at work today.'' Wes pointed out logically.

''Aww that's no fun.'' Nick whined.

Blaine and Kurt were privately relieved by this, though for admittedly different reasons. They were about to leave or the food court when their attention was caught by a girlish squeal of delight. Looking across the store to the baby section, they noticed a small group of girls picking up the tiny shoes on offer and cooing over them in amusement.

''Pfft women.'' David mocked, rolling his eyes at the display.

''Don't we know them from somewhere?'' Wesley pondered, only to yelp in surprise as Kurt abruptly shoved him aside.

''Oh my god! Mercedes, Tina, Brittany, Rachel!'' He shrieked, joyously waving his arms to attract their attention.

The four girls looked up at the sound of their names, and beamed at the unexpected sight of their number one gay.

''Kurt!'' They squealed in unison, as they charged forward to exchange hugs, uncaring that they stomped on Wes who was now lying in a heap on the floor.

''What are you guys doing here?'' Kurt probed, after hugs and enthusiastic greetings had been exchanged. ''And why do you have a baby?'' He demanded, eyeing the pram that Mercedes was pushing.

''We're shopping obviously.'' Tina sarcastically responded. ''And the baby isn't ours it's...'' She trailed off and glanced around in confusion. ''Uh oh...guys, where's our resident man candy?'' She asked the other girls warily.

Mercedes eyes widened and darted about furiously. ''I thought you were watching him!'' She gasped.

''No! I was too busy paying attention to the baby, to keep an eye on an adult sized toddler.'' Tina pointed out.

''What do we do?'' Rachel panicked. ''It's loose in a mall! There are innocent people here!''

''Calm down!'' Mercedes snapped. ''We'll wait for the inevitable explosions and screams of terror, then we can just follow the sounds.''

''Good idea.'' Tina agreed. ''It's just like finding Godzilla, they both cause an excessive amount of property damage and have the tendency to eat men alive...albeit in different ways.''

''Why don't you just call him?'' Brittany asked them.

The other three girls paused, eyeing the blonde in surprise. Why the hell didn't they think of that?

''Excellent idea Brittany.'' Rachel praised. ''Why don't you go ahead and dial his number?''

''Number?'' The former cheerleader repeated cluelessly. ''I was gonna say his name in a mirror three times and summon him.''

By this point the Warblers were staring at their female competitors in confusion, and a small amount of concern. They hoped that they were joking about whatever they were referring to. New Directions did tend to seem fairly out there, as far as show choirs went.

''Don't be so naïve Brit.'' Tina scolded the other girl, much to the relief of the boys present. ''That only works on a full moon.'' She continued.

''What only works on a full moon?'' Harry queried, suddenly appearing amongst the staring Warblers.

The boys screamed with shock and leapt away from him as fast as they could, stunned by his sudden materialisation.

''Don't do that!'' David gasped, clutching at his frantically beating heart.

''Warblers!'' Harry chirped happily. He eyed the male group for a moment, before nodding in satisfaction. ''You guys look pretty hot without the uniform.'' He observed.

''You should see me without anything at all.'' Flint spoke up, leering suggestively.

''Hmm, you're a tall, broad shouldered drink of water aren't you?'' Harry noted, giving the boy a very slow once over.

''I certainly am. Speaking of which, you look a little dehydrated, maybe you should chug me down?'' Flint suggested lasciviously.

''Flint!'' Wesley protested, aghast at his forwardness and lack of decorum.

''Wanky.'' Harry purred, prowling forward.

''Shock collar.'' Tina sing songed threateningly, stepping in his way and halting his progression.

''Quit sabotaging my perversions woman.'' Harry groused at her.

Blaine blinked, finally managing to process the sudden emergence of the object of his depraved teenage lust. He scowled however, when he realised that Flint was flirting with his future beloved.

''Hi Harry.'' Blaine greeted, whilst shooting his team mate a dirty look. Flint flipped him off.

''Blainey bear!'' Harry yelled in excitement.

He darted towards the other boy, and looped his arms around his neck in a tight hug. Ofcourse this wasn't quite inappropriate enough for him, so he quickly wrapped his legs around the other boy's waist as well. Blaine's hands came up instinctively to support Harry's weight, but he blushed when he realised he had grabbed Harry's ass in order to do so.

''Just cop a feel why don't you.'' Harry teased.

''Thank you, I believe I shall.'' Blaine agreed, deciding to throw caution to the wind, and give the other boy's deliciously firm rump a squeeze.

Harry wiggled slightly, attempting to get comfortable in his new position, sloth hugging the Warbler's lead singer. He studiously ignored the casual groping, with the resolve of someone used to being regularly manhandled by others.

''So can anyone do that? Or does Blaine get special consideration?'' Nick queried, whilst giving the British boy's backside a significant look.

''Whatever, have a grab if you want.'' Harry absently allowed, whilst nuzzling Blaine's throat.

''I would, but Blaine looks like he'll cut my hands off if I try.'' The Warbler declined, whilst backing away from their scowling lead singer.

''You look crazy hot when your thinking about maiming someone.'' Harry noted eyeing Blaine in a predatory manner, and tightening his legs around the other boy's hips.

Blaine fought the urge to preen smugly at Harry's declaration, and instead fixed his fellow Warblers with a triumphant look. Victory was his.

''White boy, get your bony ass down from there.'' Mercedes snapped, tugging sharply on the back of Harry's shirt and sending him crashing to the ground with an indignant squawk.

''Why Mercy? I thought you loved me?'' He whimpered, rubbing his abused bottom to soothe it's harsh contact with the floor.

''Shush yourself.'' The girl sharply dismissed his pain. ''We wanna borrow your baby.'' She informed him.

Harry paused, eyeing the assembled females suspiciously. ''What do you want with Teddy?'' He demanded.

''We wanna play dress up with all the cute baby clothes.'' Brittany answered honestly.

Harry's eyes widened, and he leapt to his feet with almost supernatural speed, to snatch his godson from the pram. He held the infant protectively to his chest and scowled at the girls, who at the sight of the baby quickly swarmed forward to coo over him.

''Back vile wenches!'' Harry snapped, whilst warding them off with his free hand. Like hell he was going to let those shrieking harridans get their mitts on his godbaby.

''He has a baby?'' Kurt whispered in Rachel's ear, sounding mildly scandalised.

''It's his Godson.'' She confirmed. ''Harry's one of his guardians for some reason.''

Kurt wanted to get the full story, knowing that it was probably teeming with juicy gossip, but he decided to hold off and find out from Mercedes later. Blaine overheard the whispered comment as well, and mentally reassessed his opinion of Harry. He'd never considered that someone like him would be responsible for a baby of all things. Watching the green eyed boy shielding the child from the relentless affections of teenage girls, was strangely adorable.

''Can I see?'' Blaine pleaded, inching forward to peek at the infant.

Harry quickly switched from scowling and defensive, to warm and accepting in the blink of an eye. He held Teddy out and showed Blaine how to hold him, making sure that he supported his head properly.

''He's sooo cute.'' Blaine observed, beaming down at the curious blue eyes staring innocently up at him.

''Yeah, that'll come in handy when he's old enough to bend people to his will.'' Harry proudly agreed. ''We should go and compare him to other people's babies, and then point out how ugly they are in comparison.'' He suggested.

''That's kind of mean.'' Blaine pointed out.

''Well duh, It wouldn't be funny otherwise.'' Harry retorted.

''Has anyone ever told you that you're kinda evil?'' David asked him. Now that he'd brought it up, the Warbler realised that anyone who did happen to mention his vindictive nature, probably mysteriously disappeared sometime after.

''Hey don't judge me, there's tons of people more evil than I am.'' Harry defended himself.

''Name one person.'' Rachel challenged.

Before he could answer her, Brittany's phone began ringing with the cheerful music of Taylor Swift. The blonde girl quickly extracted the device from her jacket and tapped the screen, before bringing it up to her ear.

''Hi Sanny!'' Brittany chirped. ''It's Santana.'' She courteously informed the others with her.

''Well that was eerie timing.'' Rachel muttered.

Harry snorted in disdain. ''Bitch please, Satan wishes she was as bad ass as me.''

''I heard that Pothead.'' Santana snarled, as Brittany obligingly put the other girl on loudspeaker.

''I'd tell you to bite me, but I'd rather not give you the incentive to use those fangs on your vagina.'' Harry sneered mockingly at the phone.

''Don't bring the Blessed Devourer into this!'' Santana warned him.

''The Blessed Devourer?'' Wesley repeated, sounding bewildered.

''That's what she calls her cu...''

''Harry!'' Tina scolded, cutting him off mid-word. ''You can't say that in front of Teddy!''

''Why the hell not? He came out of one.'' Harry stubbornly argued.

''You're disgustingly crude.'' Kurt sniped, crinkling his nose in distaste.

''Thanks, but you're really not my type.'' Harry shot back, ignoring the boy's spluttering denials. ''You on the other hand, make my naughty places tingle.'' He added, to an amused looking Blaine.

''I'm glad I could tingle you.'' Blaine modestly accepted.

''Awesomeness. Wanna come play with me and Teddy at my house tonight?'' Harry offered coaxingly. ''I guarantee fun, and minimal molestation.'' He vowed.

''Minimal?'' Blaine parroted. ''I dunno...that doesn't sound very fun.''

''I can eat an entire popsicle in one mouthful without biting down.'' Harry tacked on, as extra enticement.

''I'll come!'' Blaine swiftly agreed, with wide eyes.

Harry grinned victoriously. Now he just had to decide on what to do for the evenings entertainment. Perhaps something involving a rousing game of strip Twister? Or maybe a movie? He wasn't really sure what Americans did for dates, so he'd let Blaine decide.

''Hey! Did you limp wristed fairies forget I'm still here?'' Santana's voice barked, from within the confines of Brittany's phone.

''Nope, we were just hoping you'd been cut off.'' Harry muttered.

''Are you still mad at me? Coz I already said that I was sorry, that you ended up making out with Hudson due to my admittedly brilliant scheme.'' Santana reminded him.

''What?'' Kurt shrieked, his eyes bugging out with shock. He looked to Mercedes and Tina, hoping that one of them would deny the fact that his former crush and current stepbrother had made out with a guy.

''Calm down Kurt. They only made out for purely vengeful reasons.'' Tina attempted to soothe him, with little effect.

''You made out with Kurt's stepbrother ?'' Blaine questioned, looking at Harry with thinly veiled amusement and just a hint of jealousy.

''Only in the literal sense.'' Harry defended adamantly.

''What happened to you and Finn?'' Kurt demanded of Rachel.

''He had relations with Santana last year and lied about it.'' She sniffed haughtily. ''Not that I care.''

''You didn't know about that?'' Kurt asked her, slightly incredulously. Even he'd heard about that one. ''And now Finn is fooling around with boys?'' He double checked, seeking confirmation.

''No, he's dating Quinn.'' Mercedes revealed.

''I thought she was with Sam?'' Kurt gasped in surprise.

''She was, but she cheated on him with Finn.'' Tina explained.

''But that was after Finn slept with Santana and made out with Harry. He also got mono from kissing Santana at the kissing booth, and gave it to Quinn, so now they're both sick.'' Rachel chipped in.

''So you broke up with him for all of that?'' Kurt asked, nodding approvingly with her decision.

''No, he broke up with her for kissing Puckerman behind his back.'' Santana revealed cheerfully.

''What the hell goes on at your school?'' Jeff butted in, ending the conversation.

The assembled Warblers stared at their New Directions competitors in bewilderment. They were each fairly certain that real life didn't actually get that dramatic, outside of a high school themed T.V show.

''Well If you believe the rumours, then our glee club is just a front for the kinky sex parties that we have.'' Tina deadpanned.

''I never would've told people that If I thought they'd actually believe it.'' Harry mumbled.

''What?'' Mercedes barked. ''That was you? My parents and the people at my church heard that crap!'' She growled.

''It was Santana's idea.'' Harry told her, deflecting the girl's ire.

''I was just trying to make you losers seem cool. Excuse me for caring.'' Santana admitted defensively.

''Is there a reason you even called?'' Harry inquired, narrowing his eyes at the phone.

''Yep. I wanted to let you know that Luna won't be coming back to your place tonight.'' The Latina informed him.

The straight men present all perked up at the innuendo dripping from that particular statement, and eagerly paid attention to the conversation.

''Isn't Luna a chick's name?'' David asked the others in a hushed, awe filled whisper.

''Uh huh.'' Jeff confirmed.

''And Santana is that hot cheerleader with malevolent powers, that sang Valerie at Sectionals?'' He added hopefully.

''That's the one.'' Jeff agreed.

''Awesome.'' David breathed, sighing dreamily. That image would provide an adequate distraction next time his anal retentive girlfriend started ranting at him.

''That's cool, I have company tonight anyway.'' Harry told Santana, whilst waggling his eyebrows in Blaine's direction. ''Plus I'm mad at Luna, for getting me stuck with a baby.''

''Cry me a river twinkle toes.'' Santana sniped sarcastically, before realising exactly what she'd been told. ''Wait, what do you mean by that _company_ comment?'' She demanded, with a note of jealousy in her voice.

In lieu of answering her, Harry instead reached over and tapped the end call button, ending the call and leaving them all staring blankly at Brittany, who continued to hold the phone out obediently.

''You can put it away now Angelcake.'' Harry finally prompted.

''Okey dokey.'' The blonde obliged, slipping the device back into her pocket.

* * *

After randomly meeting up with the Warblers, the group decided to stick together and go watch a movie. Harry however declined, stating that he didn't want to risk Teddy making a fuss during the film. Somehow though they managed to convince him that it would be okay to leave his godson with Mercedes and Kurt, who were quite happy to continue shopping. After some lengthy and extremely creative threats, about what would happen to them if the baby had so much as a hair out of place when he returned, the remainder of the group headed to the showing.

Blaine and Harry were walking together at the back of the group, following the others down the aisle towards the seats in the middle of the screen, when Harry grabbed the other boy by the hand and dragged him towards the empty rows at the back of the theatre.

''Um, why are we sitting back here away from the others?'' Blaine whispered.

**(WARNING! Badly written smut ahead!)**

Harry smirked, his emerald eyes flashing in the dark, with only the flickering glow from the screen to light his face. He always looked gorgeous in Blaine's opinion, but the half light added a certain ambience that made everything seem more intimate, and Harry even more handsome. He was acutely aware of the fact that they'd never been this close to being alone together since they'd met, and he felt a slight bubbling of nerves in the pit of his stomach.

''So...are you looking forward to the show?'' Blaine murmured, his eyes darting between the screen and the boy seated next to him.

''Not really.'' Harry admitted, as he slowly leant towards him, his breath tickling against the shell of Blaine's ear. ''After all, you're the one who'll be looking at the screen.'' He purred.

Blaine almost yelped, as sharp teeth suddenly began nipping their way along his jawline, gently teasing at the soft skin. Harry's tongue slowly flicked out, lapping soothingly against the abused flesh in apology. Blaine gasped at the sensation, automatically tilting his head back and exposing his neck to the other boy's attentions. He didn't even realise his physical reaction to the contact, until Harry's hand slid into his lap and cupped him firmly through his jeans. The green eyed boy gave a pleased growl, at finding his new toy already thick and throbbing in his grasp. The heel of his hand pressed down harder, in a long, slow grind against the underside of the head of Blaine's cock.

Blaine shuddered, and arched under his touch, his head tipping back on a strangled moan. Harry had just enough time to feel smug about that, before a hand snaked up to his hair and fisted itself harshly into the silky locks. He whined happily as Blaine dragged him forwards into a rough kiss. The intensity and sheer harshness of it surprised him briefly, as teeth clashed and their tongues writhed slickly together. If he had ever considered how Blaine would kiss, then he'd have expected something slow and tender, but as the Warbler determinedly shoved his tongue down his throat Harry had to admit that he much preferred this alternative.

It took Blaine a moment to remember how to breathe, he was so focussed on the sensual feel of soft lips and the even softer hair in his grasp. He was completely lost to the world around him, and quite happily seized Harry's waist with his free hand, to guide him forcefully across the seats and into his lap. Harry chuckled at the rough treatment, and eagerly straddled the other boy's hips. They kissed languidly, breathing heavily from the stimulation and grinding their groins lightly against each other, before Harry finally pulled away with one last tender press his of lips.

''Enjoy the movie.'' Harry chuckled.

Blaine wondered briefly what he meant by that, until he started sliding down his body with a naughty little grin. He froze momentarily at the first touch of nimble fingertips, deftly unfastening his belt and fly, and his gaze darted nervously around the darkened movie theatre. The nearest person was three rows in front of them, and no one was looking back. Still, he was Blaine Anderson, he was dapper and wholesome. He most certainly did not let insanely hot guys go down on him in a cinema. Sure he'd done plenty of stuff before, he was handsome and popular in an all boys boarding school after all, but he'd never done any of it in public.

A high pitched whine slipped from between his suddenly slack lips, as the tepid air in the room hit his suddenly bared arousal for just a moment before it was abruptly engulfed in wet, searing heat. His hazel eyes rolled up into his skull as the boy between his legs began to suck, sliding his hot mouth up and down the entirety of Blaine's length, expertly taking it into his throat. And that right there was pretty much the best thing ever, until Harry started to hum.

"Fuck." He ground out between clenched teeth, as the vibrations pulsed along his cock and shot up his spine.

His hands flew to the back of Harry's head, weaving themselves into his hair and gripping it harshly. He pushed down and thrust his hips simultaneously, blissfully burying himself into Harry's willing mouth, making the other boy gag at the forceful intrusion. Blaine yelped as Harry clawed warningly along his denim clad thighs, but he didn't halt his thrusting into the welcoming warmth.

''Shit, you've got a hot fucking mouth.'' Blaine growled quietly, in a rare show of vulgarity. Harry chuckled at the praise and increased the suction, working his talented tongue along the underside of Blaine's head with each slick slide between his lips.

''Oh my god, you like that don't ya?'' Blaine hissed, his tone somewhere between demanding and awe filled. ''You like being talked too like a slut!'' He accused delightedly, increasing his pace as he pumped into Harry's eager throat.

''Holy fuck.'' He snarled, a little louder than he'd intended to. Fortunately something was happening on screen, so no one looked around, except for Flint who glanced over his shoulder curiously.

In any other situation Blaine would have been mortified. He'd have stopped his frantic motions, and hoped that his fellow Warbler thought that Harry had disappeared from his seat to go to the bathroom. But Harry had the uncanny ability, to make being bad entirely too much fun. Blaine smirked at the taller Warbler, and glanced down significantly at the boy pleasuring him. As he leaned his head back against his seat and continued pounding away, he kept his eyes on Flint. He saw the exact moment that he figured out what was happening. The boy's eyes bugged out in shock, as he glanced between Harry's empty chair and the unusually rumpled Blaine in disbelief. He didn't turn back to the screen though, and Blaine felt a strange thrill at having an audience.

He could feel the familiar sensation building up in his abdomen, sending tingles through every inch of his body.

''I'm gonna cum.'' Blaine warned, though he made no move to pull the willing boy away from him, or extract his aching cock from his mouth. Harry groaned around his meat, sucking if possible even harder, in his attempt to get his hard earned reward. Blaine threw his head back, bouncing it off of the back of the seat as he approached his completion, until with one final thrust he slammed home into Harry's pulsating throat.

''Holy fucking shit.'' Blaine gritted out, biting his lip to silence himself, as his climax exploded out of him. He continued thrusting leisurely, shooting his hot load into Harry's waiting mouth, before finally slumping back in a panting, sweaty heap.

Harry continued to move between his legs for a few moments, drawing out the other boy's orgasm and milking his cock for every last drop. Finally with one last suck Harry backed off, releasing Blaine's softening member with a wet pop. Blaine almost got hard again staring down at the other boy. Sat there, perched on his knees, with swollen lips and pupils blown wide with lust. His hair was even more of a mess than usual, due to Blaine running his hands through it. He looked like a wet dream.

''Wow.'' Was the most that the Warbler could manage to mumble, as the blissful fatigue swept over him.

Harry chuckled huskily at his utterance, before sliding smoothly back up his body and kissing him softly on the lips.

''Nothing like a hummer, to enhance your cinematic experience huh?'' Harry teased, his voice slightly gravelly from his throat's recent exertions.

Blaine snorted in amusement, and dragged the other boy into a deep kiss, tasting himself slightly on Harry's tongue. After a moment or two he pulled away with an out of character leer on his face.

''At least I won't be blushing around you anymore, not after that.'' He noted, sounding a little bit smug.

''We'll see about that.'' Harry retorted. ''Maybe when you come over later?'' He added teasingly.

Blaine's eyes darkened slightly at the reminder of the plans they'd made earlier, prompting Harry to poke him in the side to regain his attention.

''Why is your friend staring at us like that?'' Harry suddenly wondered, looking curiously at the backs of their friends a few rows ahead of them.

Blaine followed his gaze and groaned in mortification as he met the eyes of Flint, who was still staring at them with a gobsmacked expression on his face, tainted with a strong hint of arousal.

''Oh crap.'' Blaine whimpered, burying his face in his hands.

''What's wrong?'' Harry demanded.

''He saw what we were doing...and I kind of carried on going anyway.'' Blaine tentatively explained, waiting for Harry to freak out.

The green eyed boy's eyebrow rose, a curious expression on his face. He didn't say anything for a long moment, causing nerves to build up in Blaine's stomach as he waited for a reaction.

''That's really fucking hot.'' He finally answered.

''Seriously?'' Blaine questioned hesitantly.

''Hells yeah!'' Harry affirmed enthusiastically. ''We should probably shag in front of him or something, just for shits and giggles.'' He continued with a choked off laugh.

''That's perverted.'' Blaine chastised, smacking the other boy on the thigh.

''Screw you man whore, you just defiled a movie theatre.'' Harry reminded him. ''Children will probably end up sat where you're sitting right now.'' He added cheekily.

''Oh god, I sooo didn't need to know that.'' Blaine whined piteously, feeling the guilt pooling in his chest. ''Let's just sit and watch Taylor Lautner and Kellan Lutz in all their muscular glory, and not mention it anymore.'' He pleaded.

''Taylor Lautner and Kellan Lutz? They're smoking hot.'' Harry opined with approval. ''Aren't they in the Twilight films together as well?'' He queried.

''This _is_ one of the Twilight films.'' Blaine pointed out.

''What the fuck?'' Harry shouted, leaping to his feet and attracting the stares of everybody in the theatre. ''Screw this sparkling shit, I'm going home.'' He loudly declared.

The room was completely silent as the boy stormed towards the doors and shoved them open, muttering curses and insults under his breath the entire way. As soon as he was out of sight, Blaine threw his head back and howled with laughter.

**(End of the crappy forbidden smut!)**

* * *

Tina snickered.

''Shut up.'' Harry groused.

''Seriously, how did you fail to notice what you were watching, until half way through the film?'' Mercedes demanded.

''I was distracted.'' He defended. ''How was I supposed to know it was the latest instalment of the Twilight crapfest?''

''What were you distracted by?'' Tina inquired, blinking innocently.

After the movie, the two groups had gone their separate ways and decided to head home. Harry and Blaine had solidified their plans for later that evening, and he was very much looking forward to it. The only ones that seemed to know what had happened in the movie theatre were Blaine's really tall friend and Tina, who seemed to find the whole thing hilarious and had taken up the passenger seat whilst Harry drove. Mercedes was in the back with Teddy and Kurt. Brittany had given Rachel a ride home as they both lived on the far side of town. Kurt had elected to get a ride back with them, as he didn't live on campus with the other Warblers, and Blaine had picked him up that morning.

''Yes, what could possibly be so diverting?'' Kurt sneered scathingly. It was clear though that he really didn't have any idea what had happened.

The effeminate boy's one sided crush on Blaine was cute at first, but now that he knew that Harry and Blaine had date plans, he was starting to get annoying. It was lucky that Blaine was oblivious to his best friends infatuation, or shit would've been awkward.

''I was just focussed on other things.'' Harry asserted, refusing to say more.

''Like Blaine?'' Tina suggested mockingly.

''Aww, did you guys make out?'' Mercedes cooed delightedly, though she shot Kurt a sympathetic look.

Part of the reason Harry was keeping quiet was so he didn't hurt the boy's feelings. Not that they knew each other or anything, but he was friends with the rest of New Directions and he was kind of a bitch, which was something Harry liked.

''Don't deny it, I saw you guys smooch just before you stormed out!'' Tina crowed. ''I even got a picture!'' She proclaimed, waving her phone about tauntingly.

''Hah! Omg, you gotta send it to me!'' Mercedes cackled.

''No!'' Harry protested pitifully, reaching for the phone in Tina's hands, whilst keeping his eyes on the road.

Tina easily held the device out of his reach and pressed the send button triumphantly. As soon as she sent it she paused, reading her screen in confusion, before her eyes widened in horror.

''Oh shit.'' She cursed.

''What?'' Harry demanded, eyeing her nervously.

''Did it not send? I haven't got it yet.'' Mercedes pointed out from the back seat.

''Crap crap crap. This is so not good.'' Tina wailed, as she proceeded to bump her head punishingly against the dashboard.

''What did you do?'' Harry asked her warily.

The Asian girl hesitated for a moment, debating on whether or not to answer the question. She wasn't sure how they'd react, if they found out that she may have just made things worse for glee club.

''I tried to send it to Mercy, but then you tried to grab it and I accidentally sent it to the next contact in my list.'' She finally answered, her voice laden with apology.

They all fell silent, wondering what was so bad about that, until Harry suddenly realised something.

''Wait...Mercedes is under M, so unless you have any other M's in your phone book it would go straight to the first name under N right?'' He questioned, praying that he was wrong.

''Yes.'' Tina squeaked meekly. ''I'm sooo sorry Harry.''

''Why? Who did she send it to?'' Kurt spoke up, sounding very interested in whatever had unsettled them.

''Wait a second.'' Mercedes began haltingly. ''Oh no, please tell me you didn't send it to...''

* * *

''What the fuck is this?'' Puck growled, staring at his phone in disbelief.

Mike set down his X-box controller and leaned across the couch, to peer curiously over Puck's shoulder.

''Huh...I should probably talk to Tina about taking pictures of guys getting busy.'' He observed. His girlfriends sudden fondness for guy on guy action was bound to lead to awkwardness for him in the near future.

''Isn't that Harry?'' Sam pointed out, craning his head over from Puck's right, to peer at the picture message displayed on the phone. ''Wow, that guy really doesn't waste any time does he?''

''I can't believe this!'' Puck angrily protested, staring at the image and nearly crushing the device in his grip.

''Dude calm down, I get texts from Tina all the time.'' Artie soothed him.

''It's not that. I'm talking about Harry swapping spit with some douche bag!'' The jock grumbled. And he was pretty sure he'd seen the douche bag in question somewhere before.

''So? What's wrong with that? Are you not cool with the man on man crowd?'' Sam asked, eyeing him accusingly.

''That's totally uncool dude.'' Mike agreed, with a recriminating glare.

''That's not what sucks!'' Puck snapped, waving off their displeasure.

''Then what's the problem?'' Artie wondered.

Puck shuffled his feet, with an awkward expression on his face. The other three boys eyed him searchingly, momentarily distracted from video game related violence, by the self proclaimed badass and his apparent discomfiture.

''I was gonna hit that.'' Puck finally admitted with great reluctance.

''You were going to hit Harry?'' Sam questioned incredulously. ''Dude, do you have a death wish? Did you see what he did to 'Rick the Stick' last week? The guy looked like a freaking pretzel when he was done.'' The blonde reminded him.

''I meant I was gonna tap his ass like a type writer.'' Puck explained exasperatedly. Sometimes Sammy boy really was too blonde for words to adequately describe. Maybe it wasn't dyed after all?

''I really didn't need to know that.'' Mike muttered.

''Neither did I, now I owe Santana ten bucks.'' Artie scowled. He really should know better than to bet against that hell spawned mega-bitch. If she claimed that two people were gonna hook up, then that's what was going to happen, regardless of whether the people in question were willing or not.

''I can't believe that little bastard spent all that time trying to get on my Puck stick, only to go jump the first guy he sees.'' Puck complained bitterly.

''Since when would something like that stop you?'' Sam wondered. ''Usually you don't even care if someone's married.''

That brought Puck up short. Fish lips was right. He was a badass, if he wanted something he damn well took it. After weeks of deliberation, he'd decided that he was awesome enough that he could bang other dudes if he wanted. And if he was gonna nail a guy, then only the hottest, most badass guy would do. He was going to hunt Potter down and make him his bitch.

''You're right Sammy boy. Puckzilla ain't gonna take that shit lying down. I'm gonna find Harry and tell him how I feel.'' Puck declared, getting to his feet with determination. ''And how I feel is horny, really really horny.''

''Over sharing dude.'' Artie deadpanned, wrinkling his nose in displeasure.

''Whatever. Shut up and help me think of a plan to nail that.'' Puck commanded.

''You could always point out, that making out with our competition's lead singer is a conflict of interest.'' Mike helpfully suggested.

The others stared at him for a moment, their eyebrows scrunched in confusion. Mike sighed.

''The other guy in the picture is the Warbler's lead singer, Blaine Anderson.'' The Asian boy explained for his friends, with deliberate slowness. He'd at least expected Artie to be faster on the uptake.

''What!?'' Puck blurted, double checking the picture and glaring at the boy who had seemed so familiar. ''That sneaky little fucker! He's obviously manipulating him, so he can win Regionals!'' He deduced.

It was so obvious. That stupid gel headed, prep school bitch. He probably thought he was being sneaky, trying to get into Harry's pants to learn their club secrets, but Puck was onto him. He'd just have to convince Harry that the guy was a sleaze ball, then the dark haired boy would come running into Puck's pants. All he needed was a plan, and soon enough he'd be having awesome gay sex.

''Ya think so?'' Sam pondered doubtfully. ''I'm not sure Harry would do that just to win us Regionals.''

''Yeah, It's not really his style.'' Artie agreed. ''There's not enough explosions involved in something like that to hold his interest.''

''I meant that this Bland dude is manipulating Harry!'' Puck clarified, rolling his eyes in aggravation.

The other three boys processed that for a moment, before glancing at each other and simultaneously bursting into laughter.

''Hehe that's pretty funny man.'' Mike enthused, slapping his friend on the back.

''I'm serious!'' Puck protested. ''He's probably some kind of evil seductive genius!''

''That's Harry alright.'' Sam concurred.

''I meant the Warbler!'' Puck ground out, through gritted teeth.

''Really? Kurt says he's a nice guy.'' Artie pointed out.

''That's probably coz he got his hooks into Hummel too.'' Puck explained triumphantly ''That's probably why he left McKinley.''

''You're crazy.'' Mike asserted.

''I'll give you guys ten bucks each if you help me.'' Puck coaxed.

Three reluctant agreements later, and they started working on a plan. It just goes to show that whether they be Jewish, blonde, Asian or crippled, everyone speaks the language of capitalism. Except for communists and Eskimos.

* * *

_Meanwhile, in a undisclosed location._

Nothing said shifty, like meeting in a dark room deep beneath the earth. Except perhaps for a middle aged man wearing a trench coat and fedora, standing outside a playground with a bag of lollipops and a bottle of chloroform.

Everything was falling perfectly into place. Her subtle manipulation of the Hobbit Bride, had worked out perfectly. By nudging that beak nosed banshee into unwittingly annoying her fellow glee club members, she had set in motion exactly what she'd hoped. In a fit of rage, Slutana Lopez and her jiggling sweater meat, had revealed the details of her vomit inducing clandestine affair with Frankenteen. The resulting explosion of emotional turmoil had been equal parts satisfying and gag worthy.

Initially Sue had banked on the ensuing drama to act as a smoke screen, whilst she prepared the next brilliant phase of her master plan. She hadn't expected Harry to be diverted by it all for very long, but to her delight the situation had spiralled out of control, and he was distracted by his new found distaste for Mohawk Jew. With most of those New Directions rodents at each others throats, even her nephew wouldn't see what was coming until it was too late.

''So? Do you have an answer for me?'' Sue cajoled, her eyes piercing through her quarry, looking for any sign of weakness. To her surprise, her target bore her gaze without flinching, and even managed to fix the cheerleading coach with an icy glare.

''I'll do it. But let's be clear Ms Sylvester. I want to crush Potter, I could care less for the plebeians that he's surrounded himself with. Make sure that he performs a solo for the regionals competition, and you'll have my support.''

Sue eyed her newest acquisition speculatively. Looking for the motive in their words. She had to admit that she was somewhat impressed with the figure across from her, they clearly wouldn't be controlled as easily as her usual pawns.

''You realise ofcourse, that it will be that much harder to beat them if Harry is featured prominently in their performance?'' Sue queried sceptically.

''I'm well aware. But I want to beat him, fair and square on the open stage. Give me that opportunity and I'll guarantee a victory for Oral Intensity.'' The figure vowed solemnly, whilst wrinkling their nose at that particularly unfortunate club name.

General Zodd paused, letting the silence reign over the meeting room as she considered the proposal given her. In situations such as this, it was best to let the tension build and give her victims a chance to void their bowels in terror. Unfortunately her conversation partner, and their undies, remained both urine and faeces free. How disappointing.

''Very well then. I'll see to it that green eyes sings his half gay heart out at regionals. But you had better not disappoint me.'' Sue hissed menacingly.

''Don't worry Coach Sylvester. I assure you, Gryffindor's Golden Boy will be going down in flames. Perhaps in the literal sense, if I can procure a sufficient amount of kerosene.''

''Outstanding. A toast to victory then! Now where did I leave that bottle of Yak's blood?''

**AN/ Love it? Hate it? The first major plot point is in motion! Next chapter it's party time, featuring Jealous Puck, Territorial Santana, and Kurt's infatuation being missinterpreted. **

**VOTE: What kind of drunk is Harry? Tell me your thoughts and vote on my profile.**


	10. Party on, my wayward son

**AN/ AHHH! I'm back from Namibia! I'm alive and tanned as a mother fucker, but the experience was amazing, best six weeks ever!**

**You'll be glad to know that I have a shit ton of drafts and stuff written out, which when added to the fact that I've been desperate for a creative outlet, means I'm going to be spamming out a crap load of fanfiction. I'm practically dripping with inspiration, or possibly Hyena drool.(Hyena cubs are sooo cute! Now to find a way to put them in my dissertation.)**

**I did this in like an hour and a half, so it may well be riddled with errors. Like in the first line, is it actually "Waver" or is it "Waiver"? One is a written statement of relinquishment, but I can't remember which and I wrote this too fast to bother checking lol.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine , but they will be once I find and cut a few bitches.**

* * *

There were few things that could make Rachel Berry waver from her chosen path, once she'd actually resolved to do something. However sitting in the dimly lit choir room, with a dangerously insane human being, seemed to be one of those things.

''So, you come before me asking for a favour?'' Harry drawled, reclining lazily in his seat.

The green eyed boy made an interesting sight, perched upon an enormous wing backed leather chair. His hands busied themselves with idly petting the owl on his lap, giving him the appearance of a plotting bond villain. For some unfathomable reason, both Mike and Sam were present, standing a step behind Harry's makeshift throne. Why the two boys were wearing togas and feeding the British teen grapes though was anyone's guess.

''Demetrius, fetch Hedwig some bacon.'' Harry commanded, gesturing imperiously in Mike's general direction.

''Do you have to keep calling me that stupid name?'' Mike whined piteously, tugging at his toga with a frown.

''If you don't want the name, then you shouldn't have dressed like that.'' Harry reminded him.

''We didn't dress like this, we woke up in these things with our ankles chained to your chair.'' Sam protested, rattling the iron shackles around his legs indignantly.

''Well maybe you shouldn't of fallen asleep last night.'' Harry retorted.

Rachel was silently relieved as the boys began to bicker amongst themselves, momentarily forgetting her presence. For some reason, she was extremely nervous. Though now that she thought about it, her discomfort probably stemmed from Harry's instability. Sadly he was the best person that she could think of who could help her with her current problem, and Rachel Berry was nothing if not persistent.

It had recently been brought to her attention, that she was considered somewhat dull by her peers. Naturally she sought to change this opinion by doing something fun, something wild. In other words she wanted to have a party, and Santana and Brittany had been effusive in their praise of Harry's social extravaganzas. And as team captain of the New Directions, she felt that it was her duty to help her team bond in preparation for Regionals. So now here she was, planning to make a deal with the devil, in the metaphorical sense.

''Get the damn bacon, or so help me I'll coat a whip with lemon juice and strike you into oblivion!'' The green eyed boy snarled, as Sam and Mike cowered at his feet.

Okay, make that a deal in the literal sense. But still, he was the best person to assist her. So after taking a moment to straighten her shoulders and hold her head high, she prepared to sell her immortal soul.

''Harry?'' She addressed him, calling for his attention.

The boy in question snapped around to face her, jostling the owl on his knee with a flap of wings and shriek of annoyance.

''Oh right, I forgot about you. What were you saying again? Something about selling cookies?'' Harry queried.

Rachel blinked in bewilderment. ''Um...no. I wanted your help with planning a party for our fellow glee club members. I explained all of this over the phone, remember?'' She prompted incredulously.

The dark haired boy stared into her eyes, with a thoughtful expression on his face. ''Nope, doesn't ring a bell. Now seriously, what the hell do you want?'' Harry demanded suspiciously.

''I am serious!'' Rachel stubbornly insisted.

''She does sound like she's serious.'' Mike noted.

''Silence Demetrius.'' Harry snapped chidingly, before swiftly returning his focus to the girl before him. ''What would I get in return for this act of charity?'' He inquired of her.

''My gratitude?'' Rachel offered hopefully.

''I don't know why people think you're no fun, because that right there was pretty fucking hilarious.'' Harry scoffed.

''Please Harry! Name your terms, I'll do anything.'' She paused at the look of unholy glee that crossed the boy's face. ''_Almost_ anything.'' She swiftly amended.

Harry pouted and eyed her for a moment, with his fingers steepled together in front of himself in evil contemplation. His face remained expressionless as he studied her motionless form. Rachel waited for his answer with bated breath. She idly considered that this was how a rabbit would feel, right before it's imminent demise at the hands of a dragon with a laser cannon attached to it's head.

''Very well, I will lend you my expertise in making your little gathering a resounding success. All I ask in return is an unspecified favour, to be fulfilled later at a time of my choosing.'' Harry finally agreed.

''That's all?'' Rachel wondered disbelievingly, at the seemingly minor stipulation.

Harry nodded, smiling at the girl reassuringly.

''Done!'' She declared, proffering her hand to shake on the deal.

Harry eyed the offered appendage with disdain, and no small amount of apprehension, before reaching forward and giving it a tentative shake. After doing so, he quickly snatched his hand back and wiped it vigorously on a handkerchief.

''God I hope that ceaseless optimism and bad dress sense aren't infectious.'' He grumbled discontentedly.

''Can we please go now?'' Sam interrupted them.

''No, you still need to give Hedwig a manicure! She wants French tips this week.'' Harry ordered him. The owl hooted in agreement with her master, and regally offered her talons for the disturbed pair of football players to work on.

''If she deems that you have done a satisfactory job, then I'll give you the key to your restraints.'' Harry promised them, whilst holding up the aforementioned key for their inspection.

''That's not a key, that's a taser!'' Mike yelped, trying to back away from him.

''Is it Mike? Is it really?'' The dark haired Brit mocked.

Rachel ignored the byplay as she happily left the room, feeling satisfied that her party would be a hit. She idly wondered if she should have set some specific limitations on what Harry was allowed to do. Surely he wouldn't do anything too insane though right? It was just a party after all.

''Aaaaaahhhhh!''

''Sam? Sam? Oh god I think you killed him!''

''Huh...I guess it really was a taser.''

On second thought, Rachel realised that she really should have been more specific with him.

''Don't panic Demetrius I can fix this, all I need is a hack saw and a bath tub filled with sulphuric acid.''

A lot more specific.

* * *

''Rachel's having a party?'' Kurt repeated somewhat sceptically.

When Blaine had insisted that they go to the Lima Bean for coffee because he had something big to tell him, Kurt had imagined a very different conversation happening.

''Yep!'' Blaine chirped, as he idly stirred a packet of sugar into his coffee.

''Rachel? Rachel Rachel? Dresses like crap Rachel?'' Kurt questioned further.

''That's the one.'' Blaine confirmed, whilst taking his first blissful sip of caffeine.

''Why am I hearing about this from you?'' Kurt demanded. He couldn't quite figure out why Rachel would've invited him through Blaine, seeing as the two barely even knew each other.

''Harry told me about it, apparently she's got him organising the whole thing.'' Blaine revealed, smiling brightly at the mention of his not yet boyfriend.

''Oh, him.'' Kurt muttered poisonously.

Blaine sighed at his friend's tone. Over the past couple of weeks he had come to realise that Kurt had a problem with Harry, but he'd only recently deduced what that problem was. He'd been hoping that the whole thing would blow over, but he was starting to think that talking about it might be a good idea. He just wasn't sure how to delicately broach the subject.

''Kurt, I know about your crush.'' The soloist blurted out.

Both his and Kurt's eyes widened in mortification at his callous spewing of the sensitive information. Blaine mentally groaned at the thoughtlessness he'd just displayed, but there was no taking it back now.

''Y-you know?'' Kurt stuttered, his heart pounding in apprehension.

''Yes...I know.'' Blaine confirmed, giving the other boy an understanding smile. ''I just wish that you'd let me know about it before I started anything with Harry.''

Kurt's head snapped up from it's dejected position facing the floor, with a look of confusion and hope on his face.

''Would that have changed anything?'' Kurt whispered.

''Ofcourse it would! I never would have gone out with him if I knew how you felt!'' Blaine declared.

''Really?'' Kurt asked breathlessly.

''Really.'' Blaine confirmed, smiling sadly.

The fashion conscious boy hesitated for a moment, gathering his thoughts and his courage in order to ask his next question.

''And...now that you know how I feel?'' He asked.

''It doesn't really change anything.'' Blaine told him reluctantly. ''I'm already dating him and everything. I know it's not serious yet, but I think I want to see where it can go. I really like him Kurt.'' He confessed.

''I know.'' Kurt grumbled. ''I don't particularly understand _why_, but I know that you like him.''

''You don't understand why?'' Blaine repeated, sounding confused. ''What made you have a crush on him in the first place then?'' He inquired.

Kurt frowned in bewilderment at that statement. He replayed their last words in his head, trying to figure out what Blaine was talking about, but he couldn't make heads nor tails of it. Was Blaine talking about himself in the third person?

''Huh?'' Was the fashionista's eloquent response.

''I just don't get how you can have a crush on Harry, and not know why. I mean he's gorgeous, smart, talented...'' Blaine began listing, only to be cut off by the indignant counter tenor.

''What?!'' Kurt shrieked. The look on his face promising imminent violence upon those around him, as he finally realised what his friend was implying.

''Whoa! Calm down Kurt.'' Blaine soothed.

The soloist's gaze flickered nervously around them, at the numerous people now staring at their table, before he leaned forward and lowered his voice.

''There's no need to freak out, I won't tell anyone.'' The dark haired Warbler quietly assured the other boy.

Kurt however had completely frozen, in a state of horrified disbelief at the other Warbler's obliviousness. The fact that Blaine could so thoroughly misconstrue the situation was vaguely disturbing. If he was really this dense, then Kurt might have to seriously re-evaluate his romantic choices.

''You're so far off base, that it isn't even funny.'' Kurt sneered.

''No need to get defensive.'' Blaine chastised him sternly. ''You basically admitted it already.''

''Admitted what?''

Both boys startled at the sudden interruption, and looked up to find a familiar face gazing back at them in wide eyed curiosity.

''Oh, hi Luna.'' Blaine greeted her awkwardly. ''How are you?'' He questioned.

''I'm very well thank you Blaine Warbler.'' She assured him.

Judging by the happy look on the girl's face, Blaine didn't doubt that. He did however have one pressing question for her, that had nothing to do with her unexpected presence at the Lima Bean.

''Luna, why are you wearing a cupid costume?'' He asked cautiously asked her.

The blonde merely blinked at the question, and studied him thoughtfully. Being stared at by her big blue eyes, made Blaine feel distinctly uncomfortable. He got the disturbing impression that he was being judged, with his soul laid bare for her perusal.

''Harry requested that I deliver the party invitations, as penance for tricking him into a period of extended child care.'' She finally explained.

Blaine withheld a sigh of relief as she ceased her penetrating gaze. He frowned sympathetically at the poor girl's predicament however.

''And he forced you to wear the costume?'' He asked her.

''Nooo.'' She drawled, sounding honestly confused. ''But what else should I wear whilst delivering messages?''

On the other side of the table, Kurt finally came back to reality. The shock of seeing someone wearing something like that in public had momentarily paralysed him, but the blonde's bizarre statement brought him crashing back to a state of lucidity.

''What does cupid have to do with anything? It's not even valentines day.'' The ex-cheerio pointed out.

''I'm well aware of that. But after i'm done here I'm going hunting, and I need to be dressed appropriately.'' The blonde declared.

Kurt shot Blaine a questioning look, silently asking the other boy which one of them should respond to that.

''Screw it, I'll ask her.'' Kurt sighed in annoyance.

Blaine grinned sheepishly, silently glad that he didn't have to ask about it, and thus open that particular can of crazy.

''Why in the world would you consider that appropriate hunting apparel?'' Kurt demanded of the girl. He wouldn't even ask why she would undertake such a barbaric pastime in the first place.

''Are all Americans so woefully uneducated?'' Luna wondered aloud.

''Excuse me?'' Kurt sputtered.

''I'm hunting for the Lesser Spotted Cravensnatch. And everyone with half a brain knows that they despise romance in all of it's forms.'' The blonde lectured them. ''Thus by assuming the identity of the Roman god of love, I shall no doubt attract the beast's attention and finally prove it's existence to all of the non-believers!'' She haughtily declared, as her plan was revealed to them.

Both boys stared at her in horrified disbelief, as they quickly realised that she was completely serious. Surely someone that mentally unstable shouldn't be roaming about on her own?

''So you're going hunting all by yourself?'' Blaine probed warily, hoping that she wouldn't be skulking about with a shotgun completely unsupervised.

''Ofcourse not.'' She huffed. ''The Cravensnatch is a vicious and worthy foe, even someone of my skill and expertise would never dare to pursue one alone.''

Blaine sighed in relief at her admission.

''Harry's coming with me.'' Luna informed them, gesturing behind their seats.

Both boys stiffened, realising that the green eyed boy must've somehow snuck up on them again, despite the fact that they were facing the door. They slowly turned their heads in tandem, resolved to not jump in surprise this time, but to their confusion there was no one behind them.

Kurt turned back around, prepared to give Luna a tongue lashing for scaring them like that, but screamed instead when he found himself almost nose to nose with the dark haired menace.

''Hiya!'' Harry chirped, causing the newest Warbler to topple over backwards with a scream of fright.

Blaine jumped as well, startled at yet another miraculous appearance by the object of his affection. He ignored Kurt, who was now groaning on the floor, and gave Harry a stern glare.

''You seriously need to stop doing that, or you're going to give somebody a heart attack.'' Blaine warned him.

''Too little too late.'' Harry admitted sheepishly.

Blaine chose to avoid that worrying revelation, and instead took the time to process what the other boy was wearing.

''Why are you wearing a gladiator uniform?'' He questioned.

Harry raised an eyebrow curiously. ''We're going after the Greater Spotted Cravensnatch.'' He revealed. ''What I want to know is why the hell Luna is dressed like Cupid?''

''We're looking for the _Lesser_ Spotted Cravensnatch!'' Luna snapped, eyeing the boy's apparel disdainfully.

Harry winced. ''Whoops, my bad.''

''What's the difference?'' Blaine asked them cautiously, not sure if he really wanted to know.

''The Greater Spotted Cravensnatch detests anything related to war, whilst the Lesser Spotted Cravensnatch reviles romance in all of it's forms.'' Harry explained slowly, as though speaking to a pair of particularly stupid children. ''Honestly, are all Americans this woefully uneducated?''

''That's what I said!'' Luna agreed.

''I'm not entirely certain that I feel safe being in a room with both of you at the same time.'' Kurt piped up, giving the British duo a wary glare.

''Then you're a wiser man than I.'' Harry praised him. ''I often let my guard down around myself, and it rarely turns out well.''

''That doesn't make any sense.'' Kurt retorted, frowning bemusedly.

''It does when your aunt is a trained hypnotist.'' Harry hinted unhelpfully.

''Lady Sylvester is rather skilled in the mind arts.'' Luna added.

Blaine had to forcefully choke down a laugh at the expression on Kurt's face, as the quirky pair proceeded to unintentionally fry his brain. Although knowing Kurt, he could still be reeling from the horror of what Luna and Harry were wearing. Personally Blaine quite liked Harry's outfit, even if it would look better on the floor. The other boy had a surprising amount of muscle on him, and the sleeveless breastplate and battle skirt did little to hide that fact.

''Blaine!'' Kurt snapped, jabbing him sharply in the ribs with his elbow. The Warbler startled at the rough treatment, and gave his friend a wounded look. Evidently the pale boy had been trying and failing to get his attention due to his ogling.

''Aww, let the boy daydream.'' Harry cooed. ''He's cute when he's all spaced out and blatantly eye fucking me.''

Blaine blushed furiously. He opened his mouth to feebly deny the accusation, but realised that it would be futile judging by the look that Harry was giving him.

''I'll turn you into a fellow sexual deviant yet!'' Harry vowed cheerfully, before suddenly frowning in thought. ''Speaking of my depraved sexual proclivities, I should probably let Sam and Mike out of the trunk of my car.''

''They have plenty of oxygen left.'' Luna dismissed, airily waving aside his concerns.

''You both need to be institutionalised.'' Kurt informed them.

Harry bristled, apparently taking offence to that particular remark. ''We're not crazy. Would a crazy person be entrusted to look after a baby?'' He pointed out triumphantly.

''Where is little Teddy anyway?'' Blaine asked, looking around for some sign of the infant's pram.

''I left him and Hedwig in the car to keep an eye on the toga twins.'' Harry explained.

''You left a baby in a car, supervised only by an owl and two people locked in the trunk?'' Blaine clarified, with disapproving eyes.

''Don't worry, I gave the kid a taser in case anything bad happens.'' Harry reassured him.

''You gave Teddy a taser?'' Luna repeated incredulously. ''Are you insane?'' She demanded.

Kurt and Blaine nodded vigorously in agreement with the girl. The fact that anyone could display such negligent behaviour was horrifying.

''You know that Teddy's hand eye coordination isn't sophisticated enough to handle something like that yet, you should have given it to Hedwig!'' Luna chastised him.

''Hedwig doesn't like using tools, she prefers the tactile pleasure of eviscerating her foes with her bare talons.'' Harry argued adamantly.

''I'm not so sure that I want to come to a party arranged by them.'' Kurt whispered in Blaine's ear.

''I'd normally agree.'' Blaine murmured back. ''But apparently I'm a sucker for a psychopath in a skirt.''

* * *

Santana really needed to increase her resistance to pretty, blue eyed, blonde women. Somehow, Luna had managed to convince her to distract Rachel for an entire afternoon, so that she and Harry could break into the girl's house and rearrange everything to their liking for the party that evening. The fact that they were breaking and entering without Santana's help was more than a little bit rude. But Harry was still being a bitch about the whole Rachel kissing Puck thing, which was completely childish in her opinion. It wasn't like she'd intended for it to happen, she'd just wanted to cause Man hands and Lurch some grief. The fact that she'd caused so much collective misery for so many members of the glee club in the process was completely coincidental, and kind of hilarious. Maybe Harry was just pissed off that he wasn't the one to viciously destroy everyone's happiness? That would make sense.

''Berry if you don't stop staring at me, I'm gonna drive us off a bridge.'' Santana threatened, as she noticed the other girl stealing glances at her from the passenger seat.

''Sorry.'' Rachel offered. ''It's just...why did you decide to invite me to a showing of 'The Sound of Music' completely out of the blue? You don't even like me.'' She observed.

Santana shrugged. ''I like musicals and no one else would go with me?'' She hedged.

''I'm pretty sure that neither of those things are true.'' Rachel retorted.

''Give the Hobbit a gold star, she saw through my evil machinations.'' Santana deadpanned.

The other girl ignored her sarcasm. Rachel was suddenly very sure that something wasn't right about all of this.

''How did you even get tickets at the last minute?'' Rachel suddenly wondered. ''Did Harry have something to do with this?''

''What makes you say that?'' Santana asked her.

''We're driving his car right now.'' She pointed out.

''Touché.''

Rachel frowned. Trying to wheedle information from Santana would evidently take a while. But her curiosity was peaked. Clearly Harry had orchestrated their little outing, but why? She supposed that she could always ask him at the party later, but she really didn't like not knowing things.

''Oh no! The party!'' She suddenly realised. ''It's already five-thirty, and none of the preparation has been done!''

Rachel couldn't believe that she'd been so distracted by a musical, that she'd already seen a dozen times. She was supposed to have met Harry at three o'clock, so that he could help her set everything up. Why hadn't he tried calling her? How would she find time to get changed and put out the snacks and ticket stubs for the wine coolers?

''This is all your fault!'' She wailed, glaring accusingly at Santana.

''Don't blame me, I'm just an accomplice.'' Santana defended. ''Oh, and FYI? You wouldn't be the first Jewish chick with a talented mouth that I've thrown out of a moving car, so don't raise your voice to me.'' She advised her.

''But everyone will be at my house in an hour.'' Rachel reminded her despondently.

''Relax Berry, It's all been taken care of.'' Santana soothed.

Rachel paused at that, and eyed the other girl suspiciously. ''What do you mean by that?'' She demanded.

Before the ex-cheerio could answer her, Rachel abruptly came to her own conclusions. The sudden musical? Harry lending them his Ferrari? The fact that Harry had completely forgotten about their appointment? Santana being cordial?

''Oh good lord, what's he done this time?'' Rachel muttered in realisation.

Santana gave her a shark like grin. ''Don't worry your big nosed head about it Man Hands, everything's gonna be fine.'' She told her. ''I saw Harry this morning holding a crowbar and a jar of Vaseline, so he probably didn't break anything getting into your house.''

''A crowbar and a jar of Vaseline?'' Rachel repeated, momentarily distracted from the thought of finding her home completely ransacked.

''Well I _assume_ he was using that stuff to get into your house.'' Santana amended. ''I have no clue what the gladiator costume had to do with anything though. He looked kind of like Russell Crowe, except hot and British.'' She mused.

''My dads are going to kill me.'' Rachel moaned, leaning her head on the dashboard.

''No they're not. Everything will be kosher by the time they get back from Fire Island, or wherever the hell it is that interracial gay couples go on vacation.'' Santana assured her. ''And look on the bright side, even if your place does get trashed, it's not my problem.'' She cheerfully pointed out.

''I hate you.'' Rachel growled.

''Yeah, I've heard that jealousy is a bitch.'' Santana agreed.

* * *

When the time came to make his way to Rachel's, Puck had decided to wait another fifteen minutes before leaving. Rolling in fashionably late was kind of his thing. Plus his arrival would stand out more to the others, and by 'others' he really meant Harry, which was step one in his brilliant tactical plan to hit that ass like a freight train hits a suicidal stock broker.

As his Puck pulled up outside Rachel's place, he noted the congregation on the front lawn with a frown. For some reason the entire glee club was just standing around, but judging by the looks on their faces they weren't too pleased about it. After parking behind Mike's car, he hopped out of his truck and made his way over.

''Yo losers, fun and smexyness has arrived! The good times can now commence!'' He hollered.

''No they can't, unless you've got a key to Rachel's front door.'' Quinn corrected him. That brought the mohawked teen up short.

''What the hell does that mean?'' Puck demanded.

''It means that no one is answering the door genius.'' Santana sneered.

''Did anyone try calling Rachel?'' He asked them.

''No, because I'm standing right here Noah.'' The girl in question pointed out dryly, from beside Santana.

''Huh, so you are.'' Puck agreed. ''Ya know I never really noticed, but when you're not running your mouth off you kind of just fade into the background don't ya?'' He teased.

Before Rachel could retort, she was interrupted by the ominous creaking of the front door, as it slowly inched it's way open seemingly of it's own accord.

''I thought you said it was locked?'' Puck pointed out, as the group stared warily at the now open doorway.

''It was!'' Rachel protested. ''Apparently Harry somehow stole my keys and replaced them with a self help book on personal grooming habits.'' She added as an explanation. Which did beg the question of what the crowbar and jar of Vaseline had actually been for.

''That doesn't make any sense.'' Artie pointed out.

''I know! That book was enormous, there's no way I wouldn't have noticed!'' Rachel agreed.

''I was talking about the door suddenly opening horror movie style.'' Artie told her.

''Yeah, this is the part where the hapless teens enter the unassuming death trap.'' Sam noted with dread. ''I'm definitely not going in there first, it's always the hot blonde or the funny guy that gets picked off at the beginning and I qualify as both!''

Santana had apparently reached the limits of her patience for the day, as she barged her way to the front of the group. ''Stand aside you slovenly wastes of natural resources.'' She snarled, before softening her tone. ''You too Brittany.''

''Hey!'' Finn whined, as a sharp elbow jabbed him in the ribs as she passed by.

''No dude, this is perfect!'' Mike whispered to the taller boy. ''If you knew that Jason was waiting for you in a house, who better to send in than Freddy Krueger?'' He explained.

''Did you just compare me to a dream hopping burn victim?'' Santana demanded, as she whipped around to glare at him.

''No mam!'' Mike squeaked.

''Yeah, that's what I thought.'' She sneered, before stomping off into the house.

''Damn woman's got ears like a bat.'' Mike grumbled.

''Now I'm a disease ridden flying rodent?'' Santana shrieked indignantly from somewhere within the building.

Mike paled and quickly leaped behind his girlfriend for sanctuary.

''Please stop digging your own grave honey.'' Tina pleaded. ''Your abs are still of use to me.'' She informed him.

The rest of the procession finally made their way inside, now that they were reassured that any monsters within would have already been either flayed alive or turned into pets by Santana. Rachel suggested that if Harry and Luna were there then they were likely in the basement, as that's where they had planned to hold the gathering. They made their way through the house with a bit more speed, as they heard the sound of thumping music coming from somewhere deeper inside.

When they finally reached the basement stairs and descended into the room, they were immediately bombarded with a wave of pulse pounding music and flashing lights. Santana was ofcourse already there, and had thrown her jacket over the back of her chair to make herself comfortable. Luna was perched with her usual grace upon the seat beside her, and on the table in front of them was Harry, with his body wrapped around a-

''Why the hell is there a strip pole in my basement?'' Rachel blurted out.

''Yeah baby, take it off!'' Santana whooped, throwing a fist full of dollar bills at the British boy's feet.

''Show us the goods, you filthy whore!'' Luna crowed, in a shocking and unusual display of aggression. The blonde stood up, waving around a bottle of vodka in her grip as she leaned forward and slapped the gyrating boy harshly on the ass. ''And look at me like you're a virgin!'' She commanded.

''What...the...fuck.'' Finn slowly intoned, his eyes wide with disbelief.

''Oh god, Tina don't look!'' Mike pleaded desperately. However upon turning to cover his girlfriend's delicate eyes, he discovered that she was no longer next to him. ''Tina?'' He repeated dumbly.

''Woo! Show us the package!'' Tina yelled, from her new position across the room in front to the table. ''Package, package, package!'' She chanted, with Luna and Santana quickly joining her.

''Tina!'' Mike yelped, calling the girl's attention back to him.

''What are you doing over there?'' She snapped. ''Get up on that table, momma wants ta see some man on man action!''

Santana turned to the other girl in surprise. ''_Damn_ Chang, welcome to the dark side girl.'' She praised.

* * *

''Are you guys sure this is the right address?'' Jeff wondered, eyeing the house in front of them doubtfully. ''I don't hear any music or anything.''

Kurt scoffed. ''Ofcourse it is.'' He dismissed.

''Maybe the party's over already coz you took like three hours choosing an outfit?'' Jeff grumbled mutinously.

''I'm sorry, did you say something?'' Kurt inquired sweetly.

''Nope. I was just talking to myself.'' The blonde evasively replied.

Kurt narrowed his eyes at the other boy's tone, but decided to let him off lightly this time. Stepping up to the front door, the effeminate boy rapped his knuckles smartly against the wood and waited. After a moment the assembled Warblers heard footsteps from inside and a moment later the door swung open, revealing Mercedes standing in the entrance.

''Oh hey!'' She chirped brightly. ''I forgot you guys were coming!''

''Hey boo!'' Kurt trilled, pulling the girl in for a hug. ''You know Blaine, Nick and Jeff right?'' He asked.

''Yeah sure, from the mall.'' Mercedes recalled. ''Come on in, everyone's downstairs.'' She told them as they followed her inside.

Blaine studied his surroundings curiously. ''So this is Rachel's house?'' He inquired rhetorically.

Mercedes gave a hum of acknowledgement, but didn't otherwise reply as she instead began inspecting their outfits. ''You boys clean up nice.'' She approved.

''Kurt dressed us.'' Nick explained, sounding despondent about the fact. Jeff and Blaine shuddered in agreement.

''Sounds like you guys could use a drink.'' The girl sympathetically offered. ''Good luck catching up to 'Happy the Dancing Man-whore' and 'Xena the Warrior Man Abuser', they were drunk before we got here.'' She cautioned them.

''Who?'' Kurt asked, temporarily ignoring the other's reactions to his methods of clothing them.

''Harry and Luna.'' Mercedes explained. ''Apparently their personalities have done a complete one-eighty. It's pretty disturbing.''

Blaine was sure that was an exaggeration, until they entered the basement and the first thing they saw was Luna shoving her tongue down a struggling Sam's throat. As the five of them froze at the sight, Luna grew tired of her prey and tossed the other blonde to the floor.

''I wonder if Heliopaths are attracted by alcohol fuelled fire?'' She pondered, ignoring the Warblers and Mercedes standing three feet away from her.

As the vacant girl savagely kicked Sam in the ribs and wandered off, the group was left staring cluelessly after her retreating form.

''If you thought that was violent, you should of seen her hang Finn and Puck from the coat hooks to play a round of 'Smack the Douche'.'' Mercedes revealed.

''I'm scared.'' Jeff whimpered pitifully.

Blaine had to agree with his team mate. Luna was already out of her mind, but evidently being drunk had added a degree of casual violence to her repertoire.

''If she comes back then remain perfectly still. Their vision is based on movement.'' Nick advised solemnly.

''You're thinking of a Tyrannosaurus.'' Blaine corrected.

''Blaine!''

The Warbler had only a second to brace himself before a dark haired blur slammed into him, knocking them both to the floor.

''Hi Blaine!'' Harry chirped, propping himself up on the other boy's chest. ''What ya doin?'' He queried.

''Harry?'' Blaine muttered, blinking dazedly from his sudden introduction to the carpet.

''I'm Harry!'' The green eyed boy pointed out excitedly.

''Um... yeah I already know that.'' Blaine pointed out with clear amusement and a small amount of lust. Harry had clearly misplaced his shirt somewhere, and the benefits of his extensive gymnastic training had never been more apparent.

''Oh joy, look who's here.'' Kurt grumbled sarcastically. Both Jeff and Nick were stood on either side of the other boy, looking down at the pair on the floor.

''Kurtsie!'' Harry squealed, leaping from his position on Blaine's lap and tackling the pale Warbler in a crushing hug.

Kurt's eyes went wide with horror, before he futilely began attempting to remove himself from the drunken teen's relentless grip. Fortunately for him, Harry chose that moment to take notice of Nick and Jeff.

''Boys!'' Harry declared, pulling both Warblers into his clutches. ''I remember you. You're boy's.'' He informed them.

''I'll be whatever you want me to be.'' Nick responded dreamily.

Blaine narrowed his eyes and clambered to his feet, to quickly remove the dark haired boy from his friend's embrace, but unfortunately he didn't get the chance to.

''Hey look dude, Warblers!'' Someone pointed out, as two more people strolled up to the group.

''Finn, Puck.'' Kurt greeted the two new arrivals with a smile.

''Noah!'' Harry shouted gleefully, as he threw himself at a rather muscular boy with a mohawk. The larger boy caught him easily enough, making it clear that this had probably happened more than once already.

''Hey babe, you having fun?'' Puck enquired, settling his arms around Harry's waist.

''Babe?'' Blaine repeated, a slight growl in his tone.

''Babe?'' Kurt echoed incredulously, as though someone had just declared the sky to be orange.

''Babe.'' Puck reiterated smugly, pulling the dark haired boy even closer to his body. ''Did you know that you're supposed to give someone a kiss when you greet them?'' He asked, aiming his question to the one he was holding.

''Really?'' Harry questioned innocently.

''Really.'' Puck confirmed, leaning forward expectantly.

Blaine was about to jump in and pull the two boy's apart, in order to save poor shirtless Harry from being taken advantage of. Unfortunately none of them anticipated what happened next.

''Hello.'' Quinn offered, walking over and giving the Warblers a polite smile.

''Hi Quinn!'' Harry chirped.

''Hello Har-'' Quinn was cut off mid sentence, as the dark haired boy jumped away from Puck's hold and into her personal space. Before she could even wonder what was happening, he grabbed her hip with one hand and the back of her neck with the other and dramatically dipped her into a scorching kiss.

''Hey!'' Puck whined.

''Dude that's my girlfriend!'' Finn exclaimed, watching as Quinn overcame her initial surprise and started kissing back, burying her fingers into Harry's dark hair.

Finn's shout caught Harry's attention, and he almost immediately pulled away and set the dazed girl back on her feet. The blonde stood there for a moment with glazed eyes and swollen lips, whilst Harry turned to her boyfriend and waved merrily.

''Hi Finn!''

Normally Finn wasn't exactly the quickest on the uptake, but for once he managed to connect the dots pretty speedily. ''Oh shi-'' He managed to get out before Harry was upon him, forcing their mouths together and ignoring the quarterback's moans of protest.

''I've created a monster.'' Puck lamented, watching despairingly as Finn struggled and Harry added some tongue to the mix.

''Hmm, that's certainly interesting.'' Quinn noted with a disturbing gleam in her eye, observing as her boyfriend gave in and started accepting the inevitable lip rape.

Blaine didn't really know Finn Hudson very well, but he'd met him more times than anyone else in New Directions due to him being Kurt's step brother. Because of this, he felt that it was his duty to help the guy out. So he bravely stepped forward, and after shooting a superior look in Puck's direction, he opened his mouth to speak.

''Hello Harry.''

Blaine couldn't help but think that he was kind of like a superhero, as Finn was released and Harry happily pulled the Warbler into a steamy kiss. He had totally saved the ludicrously tall boy from a terrible fate. Harry deftly slipped his tongue into his mouth. A terrible _terrible _fate.

The latest lip lock of the past few minutes was brought to an end, as Santana stood up on a table to get everyone's attention. ''Potter! Get your fine British ass over here, I need your smoking hot bod to do body shots off of.'' She bellowed.

This party was gonna be awesome.

**Next chapter: The party continues, whilst Sue makes an attempt at baby sitting with minimal bloodshed.**

**AN/ How was that? A nice comeback, or a pain in the crotch to read? Review and tell me your thoughts(As long as they're full of praise and worship.) The party games will begin next chapter, so feel free to request anything you'd enjoy reading! I'll do pretty much any pairing, game, or situation.**


	11. Blackout Solicitation

**AN/ Holy crap, I re-wrote this bitch like six times before finally deciding on a course of action that I can live with.**

**Anything from the party not covered this chapter will be in the next one, entitled 'Flashbacks and Fakeouts'. Most of the good stuff will be covered then, but I hope that you enjoy this one. I'll say now though, that none of the upcoming cliff hangers will have obvious outcomes, so think outside the box. ;)**

**On the subject of pairings, all of the romantic interactions that have been shown so far, are the result of the majority of readers asking for those particular couplings. I may need to launch another poll, but remember this fic will at least cover up until when the seniors graduate, so any pairings that occur may change by that point.**

**Disclaimer: Entities of a lesser status own Glee and Harry Potter, but soon they shall be felled and their assets seized. Those that wish to join my crusade, drop me a PM. For glory!**

Santana was pleased. The alcohol was flowing freely, and everyone was slowly slipping into a state where their inhibitions were becoming nothing more than a hazy memory. It was time to manipulate them to her whims. Perhaps an orgy was in order? Or a rousing game of 'Santana's Mystery Dungeon'? Or...

''Luna honey, truth or dare?'' She called out to the blonde, who was currently attempting to use Artie as transportation in her attempts to run down Sam and Mike.

Luna looked up curiously, leaving Artie to continue on his trajectory and roll into a wall with a crash. ''Dare!'' She answered eagerly.

''Swap underwear with someone.'' Santana commanded, after a moment of thought.

Luna paused at her request, and glanced around at her potential choices. Everyone's attention had been drawn by the girl's shouting, and they were awaiting Luna's selection with a mixture of amusement and apprehension. Clearly no one wanted to be her intended victim, so the blonde decided to take pity on them and go for the easy option.

''Haribo, toss me your boxers.'' She requested.

Harry looked up, from where he was pouring shots into glasses, and shrugged in acquiescence. Without the slightest bit of hesitation, he casually reached for the buckle his belt, whilst Luna began fumbling around beneath her skirt.

''Wait!'' Rachel protested. ''Can't you do that somewhere else?''

Her plea went ignored, as to everyone's collective shock, Harry finally finished unfastening his belt and fly, grabbed the waistband of his jeans and underwear, then yanked them down in one fell swoop.

''My eyes!'' Finn wailed.

''My eyes.'' Tina purred, happily taking in the view.

Harry ignored the incredulous stares, as he realised that he couldn't get the garments all of the way off with his shoes still on. ''Santana?'' He whimpered helplessly, uncaring of his pants being around his ankles.

''You are so fucking useless.'' Santana told him fondly, as she walked over and knelt down in front of the boy to begin untying his boots. ''You know, it almost seems like a waste to have my head this close to your bare crotch, without making it worth your while.'' She commented with a leer at the parts on display.

''No! There will be none of that in my basement.'' Rachel insisted, as she determinedly kept her eyes averted from the pair.

''Success!'' Luna crowed victoriously, recalling everyone's attention. Her skirt was now repositioned back to where it should be, and dangling from the tips of her fingers was a bright blue thong. ''It's weird handing Harry my underwear, without the intention of stuffing them in his mouth as a makeshift gag.'' She commented idly as she walked across the intervening distance and handed over the panties.

''I didn't need to know that.'' Finn sniffled.

''I could stand to hear some more.'' Puck countered lecherously.

Santana finally managed to remove Harry's footwear, and helpfully held the clothing pooled around his feet still as he stepped out of it. With a flourish, she extracted Harry's boxers from the pile and flung them to Luna, who deftly snatched them out of the air. After the two Brits had finished exchanging undergarments, and Harry had gotten his jeans back on amidst a mixture of boos of protest and sighs of relief, the game was all set to continue.

''Truth or dare Haribo?'' Luna queried.

''Dare.'' Harry asserted confidently.

''I dare you to knock on the neighbours door, and convince them that you're a rent boy that was called out to their address.'' Luna challenged.

''Dude, that's harsh.'' Sam winced sympathetically.

''That's a cake walk.'' Harry corrected. ''Watch and learn mortals.''

The green eyed boy walked across the room and retrieved his missing shirt, which he slipped back on, whilst making sure to leave a scandalous number of buttons unfastened. Following that, he reached over the arm of the nearby sofa and snatched up Puck's leather jacket.

''Don't bother asking if you can borrow my stuff or anything.'' Puck grumbled sarcastically.

''Don't act like seeing me in your jacket isn't turning you on.'' Harry teased, as he shrugged it over his shoulders and sensuously caressed the leather.

''Enough talk.'' Luna interrupted ''It's whoring time.''

''This is gonna be hilarious.'' Mercedes giggled, as they all made their way upstairs.

''Couldn't we get in trouble for this though?'' Kurt fretted, ringing his hands nervously as they made their way to the front porch.

Blaine nodded vigorously in agreement. ''Yeah, Harry might get arrested for solicitation or something.'' He added, as he worriedly watched the boy strutting across the lawn to the house next door.

''Strap on a pair, it's only solicitation if he actually has sex in exchange for money. And even if he did have sex and was given money afterwards, as long as it isn't implicitly stated that the money was for any services rendered, then he can't get in trouble.'' Santana explained.

''Do we want to know how you know that?'' Quinn asked, sounding honestly curious. The booze was doing wonders for loosening her up.

''It doesn't matter.'' Santana airily dismissed. ''My pimping days are far behind me.''

* * *

Lucas Sorrentino was a young and very successful computer programmer. He was intelligent, handsome, and had been married to the woman of his dreams for just over a year and a half. So all in all, life was pretty sweet.

When the doorbell rang at seven thirty that evening, he wasn't sure what he was expecting to find when he opened the door. But the teenager on the other side of it, leaning casually against the frame, definitely wasn't anywhere on the list.

''Um...can I help you?'' The home owner politely inquired.

The boy smiled at him, his bright green eyes dancing merrily. ''I think that's my line.'' He drawled, absently fingering the zipper of his jacket.

Lucas was momentarily surprised by the sound of his visitor's voice. The thick southern accent, that flowed from his lips with a distinctive twang, wasn't what he'd been expecting at all. It sounded familiar, but for the life of him he couldn't place it's state of origin. Texas maybe?

''I'm sorry, but do I know you?'' The man asked cluelessly. He wondered if maybe he was one of the new office interns that had started work that week.

The boy rolled his eyes, seeming more amused than exasperated. ''Nope!'' He answered cheerfully. ''But you called for entertainment, so I'm here to entertain you.''

Lucas frowned at the odd response, and took a second look at the boy's appearance. He was dressed smartly, but wore the clothing with a casual air that was oddly suggestive for some reason. The emerald green dress shirt hugging his chest had been undone half way, showing far more of his lightly tanned skin than was probably necessary. His jeans were extremely form fitting, highlighting every line of lean muscle in his legs. The look was topped with a leather jacket, adding a bad boy edge to the ensemble. All in all, the teenager before him was almost ridiculously attractive, if you were interested in that sort of thing. Which Lucas wasn't. He'd been married to Angela for just over a year now, and even though the honeymoon period had come to an end, he was still definitely a ladies man. He could see how someone would find the young man in his doorway appealing however, even if he was dressed like a male escort.

''Wait a minute, what exactly do you mean by _entertainment_?'' The programmer demanded, suddenly processing the teenager's words and coming to a mortifying conclusion.

''I thought that it would sound better than saying, you called for a whore and I'm here for a fuck.'' The boy answered dryly.

Before the older man could correct the obvious misunderstanding, and quickly usher the young man away, his wife poked her head into the hallway, having been attracted by all the noise.

''Honey? What's going...'' She trailed off, as she caught sight of the young man leant casually against their door frame. Her eyes unwittingly dragged over his form from head to toe, before she wrenched them away again in embarrassment

''Um, who's this?'' She asked her husband, looking between the two men curiously.

''He's...um...he's a-'' Her husband stuttered haltingly, before the teenager cut him off.

''He's trying to say I'm a hooker.'' The green eyed boy bluntly revealed. ''Feel free to call me a whore though if it makes you feel more comfortable, or if you've got a kink for dirty talk.''

''What?!'' The woman shrieked.

The situation was becoming more than a little surreal. She had never even seen a prostitute in the street before, let alone come face to face with one in her own home. All of a sudden though, she recalled a conversation she'd had with her husband a few nights ago about spicing up their sex life. At the time she'd only been thinking of maybe doing it doggy style or something, she hadn't even considered anything like a threesome, but that was mostly because she was sure that her husband would insist on picking up another woman. Apparently she'd been wrong.

''Aww honey.'' She cooed, pulling her husband into a hug. ''You didn't have to do this!''

''Do what?'' He demanded cluelessly, still a little confused by the presence of a potentially under aged gigolo in his house.

''Hire somebody just to satisfy my needs.'' She revealed.

Her husband's jaw dropped, but before he could come up with a suitably indignant retort the boy interrupted.

''Can we hurry this up? Coz my pimp is a nasty mother fucker, and she'll probably pistol whip me again if I'm late for my next client.'' He pointed out, in what Mrs Sorrentino found to be a very sexy southern accent.

''We didn't call you!'' The man of the house spat out, finally finding his voice again.

The teen blinked. ''You didn't?''

''No!'' Her husband growled. ''Do we look like the sort of people that would take part in that kind of thing?''

''Not really, but I just spent the last two hours getting rammed by a Priest, so looks can be pretty deceiving.'' The young man informed them.

''Get out of our house!'' Mr Sorrentino blustered.

''Are you sure? I give a pretty awesome hummer.'' The boy offered coaxingly, bringing an expression of intrigue to the man's face.

''Really? Huh, what do you think sweetheart?'' He asked his wife. ''It'd be a shame for him to have come all this way for no reason.'' Her husband pointed out, abruptly changing his mind.

''I suppose so.'' His wife hesitantly agreed. ''We wouldn't want the poor thing getting pistol whipped after all.''

''Awesome. Then that'll be twenty eight hundred up front.'' The escort demanded, holding out his hand expectantly.

''That seems a little steep.'' Mr Sorrentino protested.

''And how exactly do you know that?'' His wife inquired, narrowing her eyes at him dangerously.

As the couple began to argue about the standard rates of prostitutes, Harry happily made his way back out on to the porch and cupped his hands around his mouth. ''Hey Santana, these losers totally bought it!'' He crowed victoriously.

''Priceless!'' The girl cackled back at him.

''Yeah, but this cheapskate was trying to haggle me down from twenty eight hundred!.'' Harry bellowed back.

''Seriously? Your smokin' hot ass is worth twice that much!'' Santana protested indignantly, as she elbowed her way passed her group of mortified friends and stomped towards the neighbouring house.

The Sorrentino's had stopped arguing by this point, as they'd been too busy gaping at the boy screaming at the top of his lungs of their front porch. They were even more stupefied, when a girl came storming into their house without so much as a by your leave.

''We'll take thirty five hundred, and not a penny less.'' She snapped, jabbing her pointer finger into the terrified Mr Sorrentino's chest. ''And I get sixty percent.'' She added to Harry, as an afterthought.

''That's not fair, I'll be doing all of the work!'' Harry whined.

Outside, gathered on Rachel's front lawn, the rest of the glee club and the four Warblers listened to the ongoing commotion with varying expressions of incredulity.

''I think they forgot it was a game.'' Sam pointed out, as the noise inside the home escalated.

''Yeah, one of us should probably get them out of there.'' Mike added, wincing when the sound of something breaking echoed out into the street. ''Just so long as it's not me.''

Santana's unholy screeching reached new levels of auditory agony, causing a number of dogs in the surrounding houses to start barking and several neighbours to poke their heads curiously out of their windows.

''I'm never going to live this down.'' Rachel despaired, turning to Finn and burying her face in her ex boyfriend's chest.

''At least it can't get any worse.'' The football player offered, patting the girl's head comfortingly.

''Holy shit, is that a fire?'' Artie cried out.

Luna watched with a sense of detachment, as the party goers unanimously decided to flee back inside, leaving their wayward friends to their own devices.

''I simply must remember to stop giving Harry that particular dare, it always turns out exactly the same way.''

* * *

Sue eyed her opponent with a practised eye, and a keen sense of wariness. She'd not had this much trouble with a foe since she'd attempted to discover what Joan Rivers was made out of, and have it replicated into a suit of near indestructible body armour. But she'd be damned if she willingly allowed anyone to get the best of her. Sue Sylvester yielded to no one, be they man or god.

''Drink the thrice damned juice, or suffer unimaginable consequences!'' She hissed, holding out the sippy cup to a giggling Teddy.

The baby babbled happily back at her, completely dismissing her formidable presence that had induced heart failure in lesser creatures.

''So, you still refuse to comply willingly? Even after having the audacity, to empty the vile contents of your infantile bowels on my favourite tracksuit?'' Sue demanded, receiving only another stream of baby chatter in response. ''Your resolve is impressive. You've earned a warriors death.'' She noted, with slight respect for the young one's testicular fortitude. Anyone who could defy her straight to her face was deserving of recognition, followed swiftly by painful annihilation.

''Amber, fetch me the needle-nose pliers!'' The Coach snapped imperiously to one of the Cheerios standing obediently behind her.

''My name's Tiffany.'' The girl pointed out.

''Amber's better. No one will ever take you seriously as a disease riddled stripper, if you have a name that makes you sound like daddy's little girl.'' Sue corrected.

That was the very reason that she usually renamed her cheerleaders after sports cars or particularly gaudy gem stones, she was trying to help them with their future career prospects. Truly she was a magnanimous, wise and caring leader.

''If you don't come back with those pliers in the next fifteen seconds, I'll beat you with this pillow case full of apples!'' She barked at the girl's retreating back, as she scurried off to fulfil her assigned task. Wise and caring indeed.

Now, were babies really resistant to electricity, or was that one of the many urban legends that she'd perpetuated over the years?

* * *

''So where's Teddy tonight?'' Blaine asked curiously.

Harry and Santana had returned from whatever they'd been doing ten minutes ago, but refused to comment on how they'd gotten out of the situation without anyone calling the authorities.

''He's with my Aunt.'' Harry told him. ''Which probably isn't a good a idea. Last time she watched him, he picked up the habit of throwing things at my head.'' He revealed.

''He only threw one pacifier at you.'' Luna pointed out. ''And you tossed a book back at him in retaliation, thank goodness you missed and hit the window washer.''

''I thought he was challenging me for dominance, I had to reassert my position as the alpha male.'' Harry insisted. ''Plus that window cleaner was fine, it was just a little fall.''

''You live on the sixth floor.'' Blaine reminded him.

''Semantics.'' Harry dismissed.

''Hey bitches, quit jawing at each other and get your asses over here!'' Santana demanded. ''It's time to spin the bottle.''

''Cool.'' Blaine chirped. ''Um, will the other New Directions guys be okay if Kurt, Nick or I spin and it lands on them?'' He asked hesitantly.

''They'll be fine. I kiss them all the time as a way of saying hi, and they don't mind.'' Harry reassured him.

''We do mind! You're just freakishly strong.'' Sam griped.

''Silence blondie.'' The Brit retorted.

After some cajoling of the more reluctant participants, everyone settled in a circle on the floor while Santana explained the rules.

''Okay people. You spin the bottle, and when it lands on someone, you kiss for no less than five seconds. If it lands on the same person more than once during the course of the game, then you have to escalate. Questions?'' The ex Cheerio prompted.

''What do you mean by _escalate_?'' Tina inquired curiously.

''She means you have to add a little something extra, like some tongue or a bit of groping. And you have to extend the time by another ten seconds.'' Quinn explained, having experienced Santana's sense of play many times before.

''Sounds like fun.'' Mercedes grinned.

''Don't forget that once you choose to spin, you have to kiss whoever it lands on, with no exceptions. If you want, then you can elect not to spin, in which case you'll be out of the game.'' Harry chipped in.

''Why would we pussy out?'' Puck scoffed. ''It's just a little kiss.''

''That's why we have the escalation rule Puckerman.'' Santana sneered. ''You have to keep upping the ante each time you kiss the same person, and if you play the odds and keep landing on them then things will eventually get pretty raunchy.''

''I'm out!'' Kurt declared, shuffling out of the circle and throwing himself into a nearby chair. He was a firm believer in romance, and as much as he might like to kiss Blaine and maybe a couple of the other boys there, he didn't want to do anything too risqué.

''Come on Kurt, don't be a spoilsport.'' Nick piped up.

''No.'' Kurt adamantly refused. ''A brush of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets for me, I refuse to be part of anything...unseemly.''

There was a brief moment of silence before Harry, Puck and Santana burst into raucous laughter.

''Brush of the fingertips!'' Santana howled, hanging off of Harry for support.

''You slay me Hummel.'' Puck sniggered.

The dark haired Brit fell to the floor, thumping his fist against the carpet in hysterics. ''Legendary!'' Harry proclaimed.

It took a few minutes for the three of them to calm down, during which time a blushing Kurt had been trying to burn them to ashes with the force of his glare. Eventually though, Harry sat up and reached for the empty bottle.

''There are far sexier things to brush than just the fingers Kurtsie.'' The green eyed boy purred, as he set the bottle in the middle of the circle and set it spinning with a deft flick of his wrist. Everyone watched with anticipation to see where it would land, before it finally slowed and came to a stop.

''C'mere Angelcake!'' Harry beckoned, as the bottle halted in front of Brittany.

The blonde bounced to her feet and strode across the circle, before dipping down and pressing their lips chastely together. After five seconds was counted out, the two pulled away and Brittany returned to her seat next to Artie.

''How was kissing the underwear model?'' Her boyfriend asked her teasingly.

''Awesome!'' Brittany chirped. ''Harry tastes like cherries.''

''He totally does, it's really gay.'' Santana agreed.

''Fuck you Satan.'' Harry retorted.

''We'll see, if the bottle lands on you enough times.'' She shot back suggestively.

Next up Brittany landed on Sam, who in turn landed on Mercedes. After the sassy girl landed on Puck, and he returned to his seat, they finally got a more interesting pairing. As the bottle slowed to a crawl in front of Harry, Puck pumped his fist in the air.

''Score!'' He crowed, before crooking a finger in the other boy's direction. ''Come get some pretty boy.''

''Try not to shoot your load Fuckerman.'' Harry sneered, crawling across the circle on all fours. Puck met him half way, and after taking a moment to glare, Harry tilted his head and pressed their mouths together. Five seconds came and went entirely to quickly, leaving Puck pouting as they pulled away.

''You definitely use lip balm or something.'' Puck decided. ''No way do your lips taste like that naturally.''

''Bitch please, cosmetic enhancements are for lesser beings, and for Santana's dried out husk of a face.'' Harry retorted.

The dark haired boy grabbed the bottle for the second time, ignoring Santana's scathing comeback, and gave it a hard spin. When it finally halted, Harry scoffed in amusement at where it was pointing. ''Look at that, the power of wishful thinking strikes again.'' He teased, shooting Puck a meaningful look.

''It's not my fault that the universe totally loves me.'' The mohawked boy defended, as he clambered to his feet. ''C'mere baby and give Puckzilla some sugar.'' He prompted, crooking a finger in Harry's direction for a second time.

''I think I preferred it when Puck was after my girlfriends.'' Finn muttered, completely bewildered by his friend's behaviour.

''Is there something wrong with two boys kissing, Finn Hudson?'' Kurt spoke up warningly.

''No, but the last thing Harry needs is a muscular, violent, slave with impulse control issues.'' The taller boy explained to his stepbrother.

''Hmm, muscular slaves.'' Harry pondered thoughtfully. ''Why didn't I think of that?''

''Enough talk.'' Puck demanded, slinging an arm around the shorter boy's waist and tugging him forward.

''Don't forget to escalate.'' Tina reminded them eagerly. ''Ten seconds, and I expect to see tongue action!'' She commanded.

''You heard the lady.'' Puck said, willingly accepting his orders. He slowly lowered his head, until the tip of his nose was brushing against Harry's, who was smirking up at him.

''Round two, ding ding ding.'' The shorter boy singsonged.

''Shut up.'' Puck ordered, before surging forwards and making sure that Harry did exactly that.

The first kiss had been annoyingly short, lasting only long enough for a short press of mouths. This time Puck went straight for the kill, and slipped his tongue out to trace Harry's full bottom lip right off the bat. The dark haired boy immediately complied and parted his lips for the questing muscle, which wasted no time in plundering the unguarded cavern.

Puck didn't kiss anything like Harry had expected. He'd expected him to be all relentless force and wild aggression, but whilst it wasn't lacking the expected heat, it was still surprisingly tender. The passion was there though, in the way the larger boy encircled his waist, pulling them flush against each other. Even though Harry was used to taking the lead, he still slid his questing hands up Puck's firm torso and looped his arms around his neck, pulling him even closer. Say what you like about Noah Puckerman, but the insensitive asshole knew how to kiss.

''You guys can stop any time now.'' Blaine groused, snapping them out of their reverie.

Harry immediately pulled away, ignoring Puck's whine of protest and seeming completely unphased as he returned to his seat. Noah took a few moments longer to collect himself, but after a second of contemplation, he finally sat back down with a pensive expression on his face.

''Your turn again dude.'' Finn reminded his mohawk toting friend.

Puck blinked, returning from whatever smutty reality his brain had taken a detour to, and reached forward to give the bottle another spin. After he landed on Santana, and shared their first kiss of the game, the fiery Latina had her turn and ended up having what amounted to her third kiss with Blaine. After the pair finally pulled apart, and Santana released her grip on the boy's bow tie, Harry couldn't help but voice his opinion.

''That was fucking hot.'' He declared enthusiastically.

''Hobbit Warbler's got skills.'' Santana agreed, licking her lips lasciviously.

Blaine flushed slightly at the praise, but turned a deep shade of crimson from Harry's next words.

''Plus he's hung.'' Harry commented, whilst idly inspecting the label on a booze bottle. ''Is this crap Ukrainian?'' He sneered, trying to decipher the writing. After a few moments of silence he looked up to find everyone staring at him.

''What're you twats staring at?'' He demanded.

''What did you just say about Blaine?'' Kurt squeaked shrilly.

''You mean the hot thing, or the hung thing?'' Harry queried.

''The hung thing!.'' Nick pointed out with sadistic glee. ''Omg, Blainey got down and dirty!'' He crowed, causing his friend to turn an even deeper shade of red.

''Was I the only one who knew about that?'' Tina wondered, glancing around the circle in bewilderment.

''I knew.'' Luna volunteered.

''I know all and see all.'' Santana added.

''I just thought they made out or something! I didn't realise they defiled the damn movie theatre.'' Mercedes pitched in, looking thrilled at the scandalous revelation.

''What the hell are you gossiping hens squawking about?'' Puck snapped. If looks could kill, then the Warbler would be six feet under from the eye balling the jock was giving him.

''Harry being a slut, and handing out oral sex like pieces of candy.'' Santana callously revealed.

''Dude, I so don't need to hear this!'' Sam protested, leaping to his feet.

''Ditto, my blood alcohol ratio isn't high enough yet.'' Mike agreed.

Finn rose to join them and quickly grabbed the back of Artie's chair, dragging the other boy along with them to the table serving as the impromptu bar area. Jeff made a valiant attempt to follow them, but was immediately pulled back into his seat by Nick.

''Details!'' Quinn insisted, as soon as the reluctant males were gone.

''What do you want, a play by play?'' Harry mocked.

''Screw that, I wanna see pics or I won't believe it happened, in which case you'll have to do it again under my careful supervision.'' Tina purred.

''Harry!'' Blaine whined, hiding his face in mortification. The green eyed boy glanced at him, before sighing and complying with the Warbler's unspoken request.

''Shut your noise holes, you're embarrassing Blainey bear.'' Harry chastised them all. ''Plus I don't have any pics of it.'' He belatedly added.

''Boo!'' Mercedes heckled.

''I've got a picture of Noah stark naked and soaking wet?'' Harry offered as a compromise.

''Deal!'' Tina agreed, eagerly reaching for Harry's proffered phone.

''I've already seen the goods, but a bit of revision never hurt anyone.'' Quinn pitched in, moving behind the other girl to see it better.

''Who's Noah?'' Nick piped up curiously.

''I am!'' Puck snarled, glaring at the girls as they scrolled through Harry's phone.

Nick paused at that revelation, giving the McKinley boy a lingering look, before climbing to his feet and sitting down next to Tina. ''Let the show begin.'' He chirped, craning his head and looking over the girl's shoulder.

''Harry!'' Puck growled, advancing on the other boy threateningly, assuming that he'd be an easier target for his aggression than a bunch of horny chicks.

''Don't blame me for this, it's your fault for using communal showers in the first place.'' The dark haired Brit pointed out.

''I didn't ask you to get in with me.'' Puck protested, as he began to regret ever letting the other boy snap a picture of him.

''Mores the pity.'' Harry teased flirtatiously

''You were in the shower with him?'' Blaine asked, shooting Puck a poisonous look.

''Only in the physical sense.'' Harry uselessly reassured him.

''You went down on him in a cinema?'' Puck queried accusingly.

''Only in the physical sense.'' Harry repeated, receiving a glare from both boy's for his response.

''Couldn't you have kept that whole thing to yourself?'' Blaine whined pitifully. Not that he really regretted doing it, but it was still embarrassing and Kurt looked seriously pissed for some reason.

''Not bloody likely. Hermione probably has every piece of modern technology in my possession bugged somehow, so people would've found out when she posts her monthly newsletter anyway.'' Harry explained.

''Why are _you_ complaining about it? We're guys, you're supposed to brag about that kind of stuff.'' Puck pointed out to the still flushed Warbler.

''Then why do you care that Harry is flashing around pictures of you?'' Blaine countered.

''Coz Puckzilla is a privilege that must be earned! Only a lucky few get the honour of seeing him, let along being in his presence.'' The jock asserted. His illustrious wang wasn't just for anyone after all.

Any further discussion was derailed by Tina, who had found even more interesting material on Harry's phone than a naked Puckerman.

''Why are there so many half naked photo's of you, and a smoking hot blonde girl, in various suggestive poses?'' The Asian girl wondered.

''Those are still shots from old photo shoots, that Narcissa blackmailed me into.'' Harry answered, whilst taking a hearty swig from a nearby bottle of rum.

''You were in Vogue! I completely forgot about that!'' Kurt piped up, momentarily setting aside his ire at both Harry and Blaine.

''Yeah, I can't believe I let her rope me into that one.'' Harry groused.

''Who's Narcissa?'' Quinn inquired, curious about the unusual name.

''She's a designer, as well as a callous, manipulative, vindictive, bitch, that has been known to spawn half-ferret demon babies.'' He answered.

''Designer? You mean _Narcissa Malfoy_?'' Kurt hissed disbelievingly.

Harry wrinkled his nose and gagged. ''Eww, don't say that surname!'' He complained. As far as he was concerned, she may as well be names Narcissa McScumpile.

''You know Narcissa-freaking-Malfoy?'' Mercedes demanded incredulously.

''That's sooo cool!'' Blaine enthused.

''Really? Please don't tell me, you guys are actually fans of that heinous bitch monster?'' Harry pleaded.

''I'm not, I don't even know who she is.'' Puck volunteered, wondering what the big deal was.

''That's because you're an uncultured buffoon.'' Kurt sniped. ''For you information, Narcissa Malfoy happens to be a creator of pure artistic genius!''

Harry snorted. ''If you say so. Personally I don't trust anything she creates, especially after the slap dash job she did with her twisted offspring. But if you guys want to meet her, then you can come with me to take Teddy back to his grandmother in New York.'' He offered.

''Teddy's grandma lives in New York?'' Blaine questioned. ''I figured he was British, like you and Luna.''

''Oh, he is.'' Luna piped up. ''But Andromeda is Narcissa's older sister, and she's in the city visiting her, so she dropped Teddy off here to see Harry.'' She explained.

''Your Godson is Narcissa Malfoy's great nephew? I wouldn't have thought she was old enough'' Kurt wondered, finally piecing together how the other boy knew the older woman.

''Yeah, she wishes.'' Harry snorted.

''That's cool and everything, but there's no way that I'm blowing my allowance on a weekend trip to New York.'' Mercedes reluctantly refused.

Harry shrugged. ''No problem, we get free air travel thanks to Luna, and free accommodation thanks to me. All you'd have to bring is yourselves and a bag of essentials.''

''And how do you two plan to wrangle us free travel and accommodation?'' Kurt sneered condescendingly.

''Simple. We're taking Luna's Jet, and I have a four bedroom penthouse apartment in the city.'' Harry revealed unconcernedly.

''What? How fucking rich are you guys?'' Tina blurted out, amidst the gaping mouths of the others. They'd all gotten the impression that Harry was fairly well off, and that he'd apparently attended a pretty swanky boarding school, but they didn't think that he and Luna were quite that loaded.

''Luna's father is the owner of Quibbler magazine, which publishes in the UK, Ireland, and Australia. They have a few planes on standby, just in case their journalists need them.'' Harry helpfully explained.

''And Harry's family have been in property development, ever since houses were being constructed out of mud and straw.'' Luna added.

''That still doesn't answer my question.'' Tina pointed out.

Harry sighed. ''Hold on a second.'' He grumbled, before snatching his phone out of her hands and scrolling through it for the required app. ''My account currently stands at...eight hundred and thirty two million, three hundred and seventy four pounds, and twenty seven pence.''

There was a brief moment of silence, though Nick, Jeff, and Blaine, only looked pleasantly surprised rather than shocked. They knew students at Dalton, who's parents could boast similar fiduciary status, Jeff's mother in particular. That amount of wealth was far more uncommon to the McKinley students and Kurt however, and they all stared for a minute or so, before everyone turned expectantly to Luna.

''I don't have nearly that much in my personal accounts. But if you added my daddy's net worth, to the money we make off of the patents for mother's inventions, as well as my own savings, then I'd estimate that our family is substantially more wealthy that Harry's.'' She mentioned thoughtfully.

''I didn't include the Black family assets with my bank statement. I manage those separately, and Andromeda has full access to them as well, but I'd hazard a guess that there's more money in the Black family coffers than in the Potter and Lovegood's combined.'' Harry added.

''Holy shit. Marry me?'' Puck asked.

''Which one of us are you talking to?'' Harry teased.

''Since we're apparently going to NYC, it doesn't really matter which one of you I get hitched to. Gay marriage is legal there right?'' Puck pointed out.

''Oh be still my beating heart.'' Harry deadpanned.

''We could seriously spend the weekend in Manhattan?'' Quinn double checked.

''Sure, if any of you feel like tagging along.'' Harry offered agreeably.

''I'm in, my parents should be fine with it, I go to visit my older brother in LA by myself all the time.'' Blaine pitched in.

''My ma won't care either. She really likes you, ever since you started showing up at my house uninvited, even though you know I'm not home.'' Puck agreed, narrowing his eyes at Harry. He had no idea how the green eyed psychopath had managed to charm his mum and sister into worshipping him, since it was doubtful that they held the same interest in him that Puck himself did. Though now that he thought about it, he was pretty sure that his sister had a little crush on him.

''I doubt my parents will let me go, without proper adult supervision.'' Mercedes grumbled.

''Mine won't either, and Mike's are even stricter.'' Tina muttered.

''My dad's should allow it, as long as there are enough of us going. They trust that I'm responsible.'' Rachel piped up.

''My parents have an apartment in NYC for my mum's business trips, so they probably won't care if I come.'' Jeff decided.

''Where he goes, so goes my nation.'' Nick added, as soon as his friend agreed.

''I'll ask my dad as soon as I get home!'' Kurt informed them, with determination. His father would agree, one way or the other. Plus he could always ask Carol, and it would be easier to get permission if his father knew that Finn would be accompanying him.

''Okay cool, just let me know who's in and who's out before next Friday.'' Harry told them, as he bounced to his feet. ''Right now, it's time to get my groove on. Santana put on some tunes!'' He requested.

''Oh, oh! Let's do karaoke!'' Rachel begged.

''You losers do that, I'm setting up a round of beer pong.'' Puck scoffed.

''I'll play with you!'' Finn volunteered.

Quinn sat back and observed, as the party sprang back to life. She was lightly buzzed, but only enough to have fun, not enough to do something she might regret later. However it didn't look like any of the others were planning to restrain themselves apart from Kurt.

Watching everyone start really getting into the swing of things, made her curious about how the evening would end up. Something was always bound to happen, when a group of rampant teenagers got out of control. The question was, how amusing would that something be?

* * *

Harry came to a lot slower than he usually did. Normally he was a fairly light sleeper, and rarely had trouble getting up in the mornings. His sluggishness suggested that alcohol, or other substances, were probably involved. After a few moments of consideration, he remembered going to Rachel's house, but the memories of the party were still hazy and disjointed. He was sure that they would return soon enough however. At least he didn't have a headache, thanks to his hard earned resistance to most toxins.

Without even opening his eyes, he could tell that he was at home by the scent of his fabric softener on his bed sheets, and the familiar comfort of his water filled mattress. Knowing that he was in a safe place prompted him to relax again. He shuffled slightly, burrowing deeper into his comforter with a sigh of contentment, and pressing back firmly against the warm body behind him.

Harry froze, at the sudden realisation that he wasn't sleeping alone. The feel of the warm weight laying flush up against him, and the arm wrapped around his waist, indicated that whoever was behind him was male. And naked. Very, very naked. He was just about to risk opening his eyes, and inching round to catch a glimpse of his new cuddle buddy, when the bed shifted in front of him and something brushed up against his chest.

Harry's eyes snapped open, and he bolted upright, startling the other two members of the bed with his sudden movement. Harry took a moment to notice his own state of undress, before turning to the two sets of wide eyes staring right back at him.

''Oh bugger.''

* * *

Santana groaned as the morning light trickled in through the nearby window, searing it's way through her eyelids.

''Fucking sun. You're next on my shit list!'' She grumbled.

A sleepy moan emerged from the pile of blankets next to her, distracting the former cheerleader from her thoughts of annihilating the centre of the solar system. She sat up slightly in the bed, catching a peak of blonde hair poking out of the covers.

She grinned, and slowly pulled the bedding down, but froze in disbelief at who was hidden under it.

''Damn, I'm good.''

* * *

Mike had been to plenty of high school parties. He was fairly popular, even with being a member of the glee club, and he'd done plenty of crazy stuff with the guys on the team over the past few years. But waking up in a shuddering train compartment, with his crippled friend, was definitely a new one.

''Artie?''

''Yeah dude?''

''I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.''

''That's not what that sign we just passed says.''

''Aww fuck.''

* * *

Luna blinked blearily as she awoke. Her blurred vision, and the unpleasant taste in her mouth, leant credence to the theory that she had been incapacitated by a Chlorophormic Assbungler. But she was quite certain that such creatures didn't live in suburban homes, such as the one she now found herself in. And they mostly preyed upon young men. Perhaps the family cowering in the corner could provide her with answers?

''Excuse me, would you happen to be Chlorophormic Assbunglers?'' She inquired of the man, who was crouching protectively in front of a woman and two children.

''Please, just take whatever you want and get out of our house!'' He pleaded desperately.

''Are we going to die mummy?'' One of the children sniffled.

''Yes baby, we'll be with grandma very soon.'' The woman sobbed.

Luna stared at the terrified family, before casting her gaze around the room, at all of the overturned furniture and damaged crockery.

''Americans really are rather barmy.'' She noted, before following the man's advice and selecting a nearby vase, which she picked up carried out the door with her with a skip in her step. ''They didn't even offer me breakfast.''

* * *

**AN/ What happened to everyone? Where have they all ended up? Has anyone done anything that they shouldn't have? Next chapter will have the convoluted and crazy retelling of what they got up to, and what the consequences will be. Plus Sexual Education, and the lovely Holly Holiday will be paying a visit!**

**Tell me your thoughts, and what you think might have happened to the respective glee clubbers. If anyone has something they think would be hilarious to put into 'Flashbacks and Fakeouts', then feel free to ask.**


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